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‘Well, enjoy your pasta and shitty chocolate, 3.5,’ he says, playfully, as we turn into my road.

‘Ha!’ I say, a little sadly. ‘Um, thanks. And you enjoy being a godawful driver out there. At least please try not to kill anyone tonight. I’m not over here long enough to wastetime being interviewed by the police.’

He laughs his barrel laugh again, and pulls over. I reach for the door.

‘Unless ...’ he starts, a little shyly. ‘Unless you want to go for a drink instead? I’m going off duty, and it’s rare I meet someone in the Uber subsection as mean and cute as you. I promise I’m not a crazy stalker, and if you say no, I’ll still give you a solid four stars.’

I can’t help laughing. ‘How do I get that up to five?’ I say and I am flirting.

‘A drink would get you to five,’ he smirks.

I smirk back, thinking about it.

Of course I must say no. Duh, of course, no. I am not a stupid person, and I grew up hearing the stranger danger mantra. I cannot go off into the night with this large, reckless man who has been given such a bad rating fromother people. I picture defence lawyers holding up my underwear in court and declaring me ‘asking for it’.

No way, man.

I open my mouth to politely decline, when my phone lights up. A message fromTDflashes up and the message is short and salty.

‘When r u back? Cum on I’m horny.’

I am suddenly sickened by the idea that his was the last penis I had in me. The lastsex-sweat Itasted. Ugh. I can just picture his leering, unappealing face, his face slick with desire. Ugh.

I throw my phone back into my bag, I don’t want his text touching me.

‘Come on then, Uber Driver,’ I say impulsively. ‘There’s a bar round the corner, we’ll go get a drink. I want my five stars, but please don’t murder me.’ He grins in the mirror and unbuckles his seatbelt. We both climb outof the car and oh boy, he’sgood-looking. We face each other for a moment, smiling widely about what is happening. I am dizzy with spontaneity and buzzing with adrenaline from mynear-death experience in the car. Or maybe it’s at the thought of sleeping with this large, sexy human.

He offers me his hand to hold, and I take it, leading him away from the car.

Here we go, it’s finally happening.I am going to have sex at long, long last. And I am confident it will be at least a 3.5.