She smiles at that. ‘You know, Alice? I think you are, too.’
***
from:[email protected]
to:Hannah Edwards
cc:Hannah Edwards
date:15August at 10.15
subject:JUNE/JULY FAMILY NEWSLETTER: TOP SECRET
mailed-by: ProtonMail
EDWARDS FAMILY NEWSLETTER/JUNE/JULY RECAP
Good afternoon, all.
Hannah here. This month I identify myself with another new code word to prevent government forgery and hacking into my newsletters.
SULTANA
Firstly, apologies for the lack of newsletter last month.I know many of you were concerned I had finally been tracked down by the ‘man’. But it’s fine, it has just been a very eventful time. We have had my sister staying with us for the whole month here in Sydney. Alice is now back on the mailing list by request, but do not concern yourself, because she has been vetted and briefed about all safety precautions.
We have had a lovely time asa family these past few weeks. We did somesight-seeing around Sydney, and visited the Blue Mountains where we did yoga. We travelled up the east coast to Cairns, where we learnt to scuba dive and went on a boat trip. For those worried, I can confirm there are no Earth edges next to Australia. But I will continue to investigate this subject and report back.
Alice has now returned tothe UK, where she is planning on renting a flat on her own in London!!!! I have asked her to check in with me twice a day so she doesn’t fall through the cracks of the system, and she’s promised it is near her best friend Eva Slate so she can babysit.
I have also added another name to the mailing list: Joe Downe, who is Mark’s boyfriend. We met Joe in Sydney and he came with us to seethe Great Barrier Reef. I have had many great conversations with him about the moon landing and how Stevie Wonder can actually secretly see. He is very funny and nice. We are glad he is part of the family.
Speaking ofAWOL, my first few months infiltrating the blogging network has been a success. I am keeping an eye on the government there, and giving them no information. Please followme because I only have six followers right now.
In other family news:
-Uncle Ned has had his gastric bypass this week. The surgery went well but he would appreciate you all not sending so many boxes of chocolates as a gift because he cannot eat them.
-Little Jemima finally got her first period two weeks ago, and even though she asked me not to say anything, I will just say:we are all so proud of you kiddo, and welcome to womanhood. But everyone else? Please do stop sending bras. Especially you, Aunt Mildred, because Jemima is nowhere near a 48GG.
-Cousin Leon’s dog, Gertie, has now had the snip, and is no longer humping people, so he would like me to pass along that people can come visit again, if they’d like. Although FYI Leon’s budgie is still attacking peoplewho get too close.
-Mum would also like me to pass along her thanks to everyone for all their support this year. It has been a difficult one in many ways, but positive in others. Steven is coming home this week and has already regained some of his speech. Doctors are hopeful he will make a lot more progress with the help of regular physical therapy. We all know Steven was and is a troubledman, but Mum has been with him a long time and we are all human beings who don’t always have all the answers.
Apart from the pod people who have replaced thirty per cent of the human race and do actually have all the answers.
Until next month, fellow Truth Seekers.
Hannah xx
PS. DO NOT FORGET TO COVER YOUR CAMERA ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN, THEY CAN READ THIS EMAILFROM IT.
PPS.Also don’t forget to get rid of all your Harry Potter books. As I have mentioned before, JK Rowling does not really exist, she is a government front for magic propaganda.
The Edwards Family have requested that no one read this email at all.
