I kept as much distance between me and the djinn as I could. He was laughing now as I clutched at my chest.
He can’t be dead. He can’t be dead.
My feet sank into the grass as I stumbled away. I wasn’t sure where I was going, the djinn was between me and the house, but my feet kept moving. Through the panic, I searched inside for that bond. It had to still be there. I dug and dug, heart racing out of control at how long it was taking to find.
It was buried so far beneath my magick that I almost didn’t see it. Faint and small, the thread of our bond felt so delicate, like one brush of a finger would snap it in half.
“Have you finished playing with your new toy, or can we hurry this up?”
A second djinn appeared on my right, coming from the front of the house. How many were there? One I could have run from, but two? They converged on me, boxing me in and cutting off any escape through the backyard or house. The pool got farther and farther away as I backed into the wild that surrounded the main yard.
I knew from training that I could use my magick from here, so I shoved all the control I’d wrangled these past couple months into a command. Any command. But I hadn’t learned offensive attacks yet. The surface of the pool rocked with my fear, big hulking waves that looked terrifying but did nothing besides create giant splashes.
I managed to get a few spheres of water to separate and hover near the grass, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get them to cooperate and freeze. I released my hold on the magick before it burned me out and tried to think of what to do next.
My meager self-defense wasn’t going to help here, not against two assailants. Another step back and my foot caught on air. I fell to my knees with a scream, blocking out the laughter of the djinn as they continued their slow encroachment.
They’d corralled me to the cliff edge. I carefully leaned over and looked down at the deep drop. It was manageable. I’d seen people cliff dive from this height, but the ocean was down there, and only a slim strip of sand offered reprieve from it.
The djinn taunted me from the yard, words I couldn't make out over the roaring of the waves below, but I knew the intent behind them. Pain. Humiliation. I knew exactly what they had in store for me.
Another voice called, its rich soprano a high note above the rest of the noise. Female. Ancient. She promised to help me if I jumped. If I gave in.
I wrapped my arms around my legs and shook. Surrounded by enemies on all sides, I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to go through whatever horrors the djinn had planned, but I couldn’t bring myself to make that fall either. Not again.
My time ran out. The laughter of the evil men above me blended too easily with the mournful cries from below, and I started to scream.
I jolted out of the nightmare with my heart in my throat and a hand wrapped around mine. Sweat slicked my hair to my forehead and my sleep shirt to the rest of me, but at least I was alive. It was only a dream. A little different from the one that usually haunted me, but not by much.
A calloused thumb rubbed across the back of my hand, and I turned my head to where Ezra knelt on the floor… then glared. I couldn’t help it. It was an instinctive reaction when I felt flayed open and vulnerable; pinned under the scrutiny of a pair of deep blue eyes that witnessed every moment. How long had he been there? Fuck, I hope I didn’t scream.
“What are you doing?” I growled, trying and failing to pull my hand back.
He kept a firm hold, like he wasn’t sure if it was safe to let go. His normally playful gaze was serious and troubled, soaked in shadows that weren’t there before. There was no avoiding those eyes; they penetrated right through my walls to the trembling, terrified, gooey center of me.
“I’ve sat right here, every night, and held your hand when the nightmare comes,” he said, quietly. “This time I felt it before it took root, but I wasn’t fast enough to keep it away.”
My mouth was dry and my tongue thick, which made it easy to swallow the first emotion that reared its head. Panic. He was here… witness to every nightmare… obviously, my nonchalant game of pretending to be okay was a complete bust.
I never wanted anyone to know. It was bad enough that I faced my demons each night and lost—bad enough I lost against them in real life, too—but I absolutely hated the thought of anyone witnessing it. All my shortcomings, right there on display. I could posture with the best of them, pretend to be healing and willing to work on my magick, but there was an ulterior motive to everything.
Don’t argue too much, just enough for them to not look too closely. Practice my magick because I actually wanted to feel safe again. Compartmentalize sitting in that damn tub or risk dying, with no take backs this time.
The shadows in this room weren’t deep enough to hide the shame I felt slicking across my skin like a layer of oil. It was impossible to rub off, and trying only made it spread. Frustration and worry mixed in, and it was hard to tell where the latter came from. I hadn’t worried about myself in a long time; came with the territory of giving up, I guessed.
“Hey, look at me,” Ezra insisted, ducking his head to try and catch my eye. “Please, baby.”
I lifted my head but only enough to stare at his chin. I couldn’t take the concern, the pitiful expression I knew was permanently etched on his face. Slathered in shame as I was, it would only stick to me if I gave it room to land.
I mumbled something in response, but he still hadn’t let go of my hand. In fact, he gripped it tighter.
“You’re not fine. Clearly.”
Fuck. All I wanted was to go back to sleep and wake up with the sun, ready to pretend. It was almost a game to see how long I could keep going. Some days, I even tricked myself by making the frozen, shriveled part of me so small I didn’t notice it. There was no hiding from that truth now, not when the darkness of the room mirrored how I felt inside.
“You don’t have to do this alone.” Ezra moved to his feet, his height making it easy for him to lean over the bed. “Look me in the eye and let me take some of this burden.”
His hands both rested on the mattress, one near my hip and the other up by my ribs. He didn’t reach for me, didn’t try to initiate contact; almost like he knew I couldn’t tolerate it. He waited. Watched as my pain and secrets andlonelinessbubbled to the surface and fought for a way out. There was no fury, no wrath to melt them down and make them silent. I was just so, so tired.
