“He takes some getting used to, I know, but I swear there’s no one more determined to protect you,” she replied. “Is he really that bad?”
“Ezra is… Ezra. He’s annoying but surprisingly supportive. He’s given me my space when I ask. Even if it takes a bit of me insulting him first to make it happen.”
Another awkward pause. We didn’t used to have those. Granted, our conversations were usually filled with my ramblings about anything within view and peppered with questions about her life,beforeI knew what I do now. I sighed, and I felt her tension ratchet even more through the phone.
“I’m sorry, Rani. I know I’ve said it a million times already, but I really didn’t mean for this to happen.”
I let my breath out slowly and checked on my rage. It didn’t lift its head or crack an eye. Hm. Maybe I could finally have this conversation without losing my shit. I chose my words carefully. No amount of apologies could change what I went through, but I was ready to start working on it. Onmyself.
“I know,” I told her. “But it did.”
Step one, admitting there’s a problem.
“And now you can never forgive me.” She wasn’t crying, I didn’t even hear a sniffle, but I sensed the tears anyway. This lovelygiftof mine was something I wasn’t sure how to turn off.
“I…didn’tsay that.” Honestly, I was tired. So tired. And I wanted to let some of this anger go. “I just need some time.”
“Well, I’m here for you. Kai too. You can call us at any time and I don’t care if the whole tribunal is waiting, we will answer and—”
“Howarethings over there?” I asked, quickly changing the subject before my own tears started.
I’d eavesdropped on Ezra a couple of times when he checked in with his cousin, but one-sided conversations didn’t give me much information. I focused on what I couldfeelin Ezra’sreplies, but he was in a constant state of worry, so that was nothing new. I was sure if the djinn were about to attack, there would be an undercurrent of fear he couldn’t hide. Unease at the very least. Right?
“Oh, my parents love Kai!” Eryn gushed. “They are pretty wary of everything else, which is to be expected. It's been a while since they were around this many supernaturals.”
I could empathize.
“Kai is busy in meetings every day, and I’ve been dodging his mom, but I know that won’t last. Honestly, everything inside the family seat is great, it’s outside where the vibes change.”
She paused, and I could tell we were back to the awkward part of the conversation. She wanted to tell me, but didn’t. She wanted to unload to her best friend, but was also afraid of setting me off again. Guilt clogged my throat, I’d been such a bitch to Eryn.
“You can tell me,” I whispered. “I’m not going to lose it.”
And I wouldn’t. I glared at that simmering well of rage and told it to stay the fuck down. No matter what it heard,Iwas in charge.
Eryn sighed. “Well, something is coming. I can feel it. We’re doing all we can to be prepared, but without knowing who or when or where it’s coming from… everyone is just a little on edge over here.”
My fear rose, and that rage finally peeked its head in interest. It was instinct to use it as a shield, to hide behind its protection, but I had to learn how to get by without it, or nothing would change, and I’d be trapped in this exhausting cycle for the rest of my life.
Eryn took my silence as a warning sign and quickly moved to reassure me. “But you don’t have to worry about anything, Rani. You’re safe where you are. I promise.”
I believed her. Her word was never in doubt, even though I blamed her for a lot of what happened. She’d never had to swear to me because it never occurred to them that I would be in danger in the first place. I think that’s what angered me the most—being an afterthought.
Why was there nothing but sugary cereal in these cabinets? Boxes and boxes of cereal shaped like cookies and colorful loops, ones with marshmallows and actualsugaradvertised on the front. How in the hell did Ezra keep those abs when he ate this crap?
I pulled the one that looked the least likely to give me an instant heart attack and set it next to my bowl.
The next time he put an order in for groceries, I was going to talk to him about fruit. Granola. Fuck, even pancakes were fine if we got the kind with protein. Not all of us could break down preservatives like they didn’t exist.
As I added milk to my bowl of rainbow-colored circles, the doorbell rang. My arm froze. The jug was halfway back to the counter, but I couldn’t move. We were supposed to be alone here. There was a wall blocking my view of the front door, but I could hear Ezra’s footsteps as he made his way to it.
They weren’t in a hurry, and he made no move to silence them. I set the milk on the counter and picked up my spoon.
Small movements. Focus on eating your breakfast.
My racing heart was hidden by the even breaths I took and the giant bite of cereal. I doubted the djinn would knock, so we probably weren’t in danger and I didn’t want to erase allthe progress I’d made today just because I got spooked, but controlling my panic took more effort than I thought.
The front door shut as Ezra came around the corner holding a large box. Freezing at the sight of me standing at the island, his excited smile turned secretive, and he caressed the box like one would something precious. Weirdo. The unusual, but somehow still normal for him behavior, chased the last of my fear away, and I casually crossed my ankles.
