‘Now, Geoff…’
‘Jiff,’ he corrects.
‘No, your name’s Geoff,’ I remind him politely.
‘Yis, thit’s what ah sid. It’s short for Jiffrey.’
Good Lord, this could go on for the entire session.
‘What does success look like to you, Geoff? What would you say is the pinnacle?’
He’s so distracted by this bolt from the blue that he dithers a bit.
‘Take your time,’ I say.
About sixty minutes would be ideal.
I get out some paper and suggest we throw some words on there and unpick his thinking. I know the first few words he’ll come up with. According to Google, they’re the words that EVERYBODY says when asked this question, so I dive straight in and tell him that he is not allowed to use the words, money, achievement or happiness. This stops him in his tracks.
‘Ah caaahn’t write hippiniss?’ he asks with eyebrows raised.
‘No, Geoff. It’s lazy sheep-like thinking. It’ll get you nowhere. Now, success Geoff, what does it look like? What will spark joy in your life?’
He takes the pen I offer him and immediately comes up with words like sizeable profits, empire building and ten-berth luxury yacht. As I watch him scribble away, those material things seem suddenly childish and meaningless. I can’t help but think of all those years I put in at work, slaving away, early starts, late finishes and not even a yacht to show for it. Why did I bother? Why did I sweat it out each day surrounded by that team of absolute pillocks? Where was the joy or fun in any of it? Have I let life slip me by? Maybe Oliver is right, and it is time I dusted myself off and stopped wallowing in regrets.
Suddenly I have an idea. I’ll tell Geoff that success should define a way of life, not an end-point.
‘It’s all about the journey we take, Geoff. The day to day. Not the stuff we buy at the end. I mean what’s the point in getting the yacht at the end if it cost you thirty years of being miserable? Working life should be fun and rewarding, shouldn’t it?’
I watch as Geoff suddenly stops jotting down words and looks at me. Maybe I have got this wrong.
His face breaks into a broad grin, as if I’ve just announced that he’s due a gigantic tax return. ‘Thit’s it!’ he shouts at me. He stands up. He swivels about and sits back down. His hands fly to the sides of his head as he clutches his hair like a mad professor.
‘Thit’s flaymin it!’ he shouts again and looks wildly at me. ‘Thit’s where ah hev bin going wrong all these yiz!’
‘All theseyears, Geoff.’ I look at him intently for signs of him taking the piss. I mean I’ve seen him and Nidi, more or less, get nowhere every session. This seems terribly out of character for him.
‘A way of laff,’ he repeats slowly, ‘Ah need to change my way of laff.’
‘Life,’ I correct.
‘Yis, mah way of laff.’
‘MY way of LIFE,’ I articulate carefully for him.
Jiff looks at me with such a sad expression it instantly makes me feel awful.
‘I’m sorry, Geoff. You have a lovely accent. Very global. I was just trying to help but anyway, you don't need it. Let’s just get on with it, shall we?’ I say briskly. I need to act like an actual life coach, and not a speech and language therapist. I need to do the stuff in the handbook and what the internet tells me to do.
I get out some action planning tools, one of which is a pyramid of words. I can feel his excitement, it feels genuine and it makes me excited as well. I actually think I can help him. I do.
‘You want to be a go-getter, don’t you?’ I ask him, drawing on my many wasted people-pleasing years at work. He nods enthusiastically back. ‘But you are not sure of exactlywhatyou want out of life so naturally you are stuck onhowto get it?’ He keeps nodding. ‘You are searching for business ideas because you associate a successful business withyoubeing a success, am I right?’ He’ll need a neck brace if he continues like this.
‘Ah im so stuck raaht now,’ he admits.
‘Well, Geoff, with experience comes wisdom, which means that talent can often develop later in life for many people. So, for the next session, I want you to name one person you admire and whose career is similar to the one you would most like to develop for yourself. I want you to lookintothis person Geoff notupto them. Find out what theirjourneyto success looked like. Understand?’
‘Yis,’ he says. ‘Journey to success, stip bah stip. Got it.’
