‘No. I do not have a client very soon.’
‘Yes,’ she says.
‘Cancel it.’
She heard Nidi tell menotto life coach her clients but to reschedule.
‘Too late. He has left in car already. I tell him where to park. It takes him thirty minutes, he says.’ Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen looks at me as though she’s expecting a medal. ‘You are the boss now, apparently.’
I have no words.
Thoughts fly through my brain, scrambling for attention. My first huge problem is that an actual, bone fide client is on his way to be life coached by Nidi, and it is too late to cancel.
My second huge problem is that my sister is coming tomorrow to make a fool of me, steal my job and ruin my life for the second time in as many weeks.
My third huge problem is that my walking-dead, chain-smoking assistant has far too long a name and far too terrible a work ethic to help me build my career into one that can provide a living for both of us. Nidi says we need to attract as many new clients from the business singles event as possible.
In addition, Oliver is potentially spying on me, which leads me to question what that heavy petting was all about and whether he was genuinely into me. I’ll have to push that to one side for the moment.
I feel the panic rising.
Deep breaths…. one, two, three… in through the nostrils, out through the mouth… two, three.
‘Who is it?
‘Jiff.’
‘Fine.’ I say, keeping the terror from my voice. ‘Send him in when he arrives.’
It is Geoff Levison. I remember him from last week. I observed him with Nidi a few times. He is a nice man, originally from Mongolia. He taught himself to speak English online. Very clever. As a result, he sounds like he is from seventeen different countries.
I dash back into my office to get ready for battle. I mean work. I glance at my wine cooler cabinet. Full of immediate answers. And possibly also home to problem number four. I suspect that I might be a bit of an alcoholic now. But one thing at a time.
I’ll just quickly check up on Ryan Reynolds first to see if he’s thinking about getting divorced again or at the least having a few marital complications. As I’m typing in ‘Ryan’ and ‘marriage problems’ to the search engine, I come across a quote that Nidi shared last week with clients, who were having a tough time coping with relationships and full-on careers. It says that filling their days to the point that they are physically and emotionally drained will mean that they end up with nothing by the end, but if they fill their days with nothing,they’ll have something by the end. I literally have no idea what that is supposed to mean. An ugly thought occurs. Is that what I spent the whole of my twenties doing? Filling my days with so much work I was left empty by the end?
Oh Christ.Fifteen minutes just disappeared.Where? How? Bloody TikTok.
I just have time to remind my terrible assistant to answer any calls, especially client bookings or changes of appointments, and to under no circumstances let the awful man from the International Coach Federation book an appointment. In fact, I’ll tell her to say I have left the country and do not intend to return. Even just the thought of Oliver brings back a wave of humiliation. I have a good mind to report him for unprofessional behaviour, never mind him reporting me. I mean, surely, I am not the first woman to be caught rolling around pretending to be on fire. It’s in the Life Coaching Handbook. I’ll make sure to remember to put that in my complaint. It’s on pages 35 and 36, clear as day.
Now, I must find something for Geoff. I quickly Google something useful for us to use as a task. Within minutes, I’ve managed to find out what Ryan Reynolds really thinks about second marriages and fatherhood. I’m pleased to hear he finds it a struggle at times.
Gaaah!Another fifteen minutes disappear just like that! I fly into reception, ready to bark at Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen. There is no way that I can go through with this. No way. How can I possibly justify him paying me fifty euros for the hour? How would he be getting good value for money? I won’t be able to take it if I feel like I’ve cheated him.
The sound of the door opening downstairs stops me in my tracks.
‘He is here!’ yells Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen at me. She’s given up on the phone system entirely. ‘He is on time as usual.’
God help him.
Just as I hear his footsteps on the stairs, an idea forms. I could help him with his English as an extra service, part of the package. A free English lesson from a native speaker. Starting with helping him get to grips with pronouncing his own name correctly.
‘I will give him a mint for his breath.’ He is standing in front of her.
He looks at me apprehensively.
‘Hello, Geoff,’ I say, plastering on a smile. ‘Remember me from last week?’
I take a deep breath, tap my wrists and third eye gently and exhale as slowly as I can. I convince myself to feel positive about today despite the universe’s multiple attempts to sabotage it. I am determined to move Geoff from doing nothing about his business ideas to an action point. I found his last session with Nidi a bit frustrating. Plus, she never once tackled him on his phonics.
