‘Oh Nelly-Belly! I didn’t see you there,’ she lies smoothly.
‘Can I have a word?’ I say. ‘And I’ve asked youseveraltimes not to call me that.’ It’s not even a nickname. She just made it up when she started working here to make out that we’re close, which we aren’t. She clearly does it to humiliate me. I feel my cheeks burn from just the thought of these menfellas watching.
Ava eventually lets out a tiresome sigh. ‘Listen. I’m like managing over two hundred people across ten regional offices now.’ She rolls her eyes as though this is the last bothersome thing she wants to do. ‘So, I don’t have time to stand about all day gossiping.’ She sweeps her gaze flirtatiously across the menfellas, before raising a stern eyebrow.
‘It’s not gossip!’ I declare with afront, although I hope to Christ that itisgossip. I really don’t understand why Karen, our boss, would choose to promote Ava over literally anyone else, never mind me.
‘Whatever!’ she sighs, making me seem childish. ‘Be quick, or else.’
I ignore this lightly veiled threat. ‘Ava, I just wanted to ask if… how you… did you go for my promotion without telling me?’
‘Yourpromotion?’
‘But you knew I… I manifested it… I wrote it down on a…’
I watch open-mouthed as my sister cuts me off mid-sentence, turning sharply to teeter away down the office.
I race back to my team, who are all furiously tapping away on their phones and showing each other their screens.
‘Yep, it’s official,’ Pippa confirms. ‘Ava is the new Senior Buzz and Brand Warrior. It’s all over the intranet and she’s already posted it on her socials.’
I check Ava's Instagram. She’s posted a selfie on her story. She’s perched provocatively on her new desk, holding a bottle of prosecco to her lips and is about to suck it like a cucumber, with the caption #powerfulwomen #alwaysrecycle.
Oh Christ.
I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand as casually as I can with seven pairs of delighted eyes boring into me. The temperature in this room has suddenly increased by a thousand degrees. I can feel the heat prickling my face, my heartbeat thumping and a familiar twisting in my stomach. Did Ava just steal my promotion from under me? After all the favours I’ve done for her! But more gut-wrenching than that, why didn’t Dan warn me? He’s the assistant to the deputy CEO of the entire fecking company, and okay, we’ve kept our on/off relationship under wraps for almost two years but still…what the fuck?
‘Okay, team, it is essential that we donotget distracted. We have only two hours to turn this PR disaster around,’ I say, trying to keep the panic from my voice. ‘So, if you could all please put your phones down. And focus.’
‘Are you okay?’ Lance asks. ‘You’re sweating like a heroin addict.’
Oh for eff’s sake, why can’t this god-awful team of toxic scavengers be nice to me just this once?
‘I’m fine, thank you.’ I take in his abnormally wide face and jutting, froggy eyes. He will undermine me at the first opportunity. I’ve never heard him say one nice thing in all the years I’ve known him.
‘I don’t have to remind you that Milly-May is the face of our biggest client and their bestselling men’s grooming range ManUp,’ I say, ignoring him. ‘Wealsoneed to make it clear thatwomenare better than this,’ I remind them, our eyes fixed on the screen showing a photo of an angry but gorgeous, mammoth-haired woman pouting back at us.
Although they keep straight faces, I see doubt reflected in the men’s eyes. We’ve all seen the footage of Milly-May, very recently single, celebrity lifestyle influencer and now staunch man-hater, Pornstar Martini in one hand, giving the finger with the other, while fuming about what considerable tosspot wankers men are. Smiling blandly to mask my discomfort, I clear my throat anxiously. ‘We need to turn her views into positives.’
All those not in possession of a penis nod their heads understandingly. All those in possession, raise their eyebrows accusingly at me.
‘OMG look what Ava’s just posted!’ yells Pippa, breaking the tension. She swipes up her phone to reveal a pic of Ava looking up into the camera with sad, sexy eyes and pouting lips. ‘Why can’t women be happy for other women? Sisterhood is power.’ #saltysister #womensupportwomen #girlongirl #dontbeahater and she’s tagged in Milly-May!
Animosity balloons from my team. Even Pippa, my trusted ally, is looking at me woefully. Probably because even though my baby sister is now my boss (because she has stolen my promotion from right under my nose and I am apparently the last to know), she has made me look like a right jealous cow.
‘You’ve let Ava walk all over you, again. And on your birthday too. Yikes. Lunch is still on you though, yeah?’ Pippa says to break the tension.
My eyes bulge with panic as a thick silence swallows the room. Even though I’m more than qualified,overqualified if anything, to handle a situation like this, my mind is a complete, terrifying blank.
‘It wasn’t like that,’ I say weakly in my defence, to a group of disbelieving faces. ‘You know what Ava is like. I’m sure it’s just a joke. I’m happy for her. I am. I really am. I hope she does well.’
On reflection this sort of behaviour would be very typical, but I just can't quite believe that she would do this to me. It's brutal.
‘Nell, you’re too nice to be in charge of people. No one respects that. You need to stop people pleasing,’ Pippa interrupts. ‘You’re not chocolate.’ She is nodding to the team, and they are nodding back.
Oh my God. When was that ever a crime?
The atmosphere has turned rapidly uncomfortable. They need some strong leadership and guidance and unfortunately, I, the human equivalent of a soft-centred cherry cream, am still in charge until noon. So, they’ll just have to wait.
