Chapter 1
Mostpeopleinthisline of work like to start the day with an espresso, a growth in followers and a catty argument, not a full-scale, emergency team meeting. Today will be particularly hostile because I’ve been put in charge. It’s a trial run for the promotion I have worked incredibly hard for all year. My team are fully aware, but as I sweep an apprehensive gaze around the boardroom, the air is thick with no one caring.
‘Your sister is trolling you again, Nell,’ Pippa announces, bustling in late while reading from her phone. ‘She’s tweeting about tragic on-again-slash-mostly-off-again relationships.’
Heebie-jeebies crawl up my spine because knowledge is power in the PR industry. Pippa pauses dramatically before taking her place beside me at the head of the table. ‘She says waiting around for a man until your ovaries shrivel is not hashtag living your own truth.’
Suddenly, everyone is interested in Pippa’s casual reference to my personal life and the state of my fallopian tubes.
‘That doesn’t mean she’s talking about me,’ I say.
Oh, but she is.
‘And it’s not a tragic relationship,’ I add defensively.
I haven’t seen him for three days. I have no idea where he is or what he’s doing.
‘You need to stand up to them both if you ask me,’ she says loudly.
Pippa is right, but it’s not that simple. My boyfriend, Dan, is focussing on work right now. We both are. The company is about to restructure, and we are determined to rise through the ranks. Whereas my younger sister, Ava, has a penchant for beginning the day with a mind game and I suspect today’sdrama du jourwill have an unexpected twist because she knows, as well as hurtling towards thirty, today is the most important break of my career. And while I appreciate that she is one of these carefree, influencer types, who has thousands of followers hanging off her every word, it’s the fact that she’s also bat-shit crazy, wildly unpredictable and clearly out to ruin my life that is of considerable concern to me. She joined the company barely a year ago on a fast-track internship programme, and she’s made sure we all know about it. Before I can explain, the boardroom door flies open.
‘Nell, is it me, or does my vagina look a bit toopronouncedin these trousers?’
I am aghast. Sometimes my sister forgets that we are at our place of work. Besides, she means her vulva. She'd be packing a bag for prison if she was flashing her vagina at us. Trust her to pick this moment. She clearly thinks nothing of bursting through the door while me and my team of highly trained social media strategists are all hard at it, discussing corporate affairs and the epic publicity disaster that has landed at our feet. The higher-ups have ordered us to fix it immediately. IMMEDIATELY!
Snapping to attention, I give Ava a withering glare and apologise to my team. I mean, they must be horrified. And while they are often mean and highly despicable creatures, they are extremely professional. I have never known them to entertain anything that is not work-related.
Alarmingly, they are now eyeing Ava’s pubic bone with interest. I watch as she takes them all in and without batting an eyelid, she shifts her weight this way and that, their eyes following her hips, entranced. She even points to her vaginal area in case of any geographical doubt, encouraging them confidently, ‘Tell me the truth now.’
She’s deliberately not making eye contact with me. One of her many power plays to make me feel inferior. Well, not today she won’t, not while I’m in command. We haven’t a moment to lose, and the team will be looking for me to get rid of her quickly.
The loud, booming voice of our Creative Director, Lance, cuts through the pondering. ‘You’ve a lovely pelvic girdle. Lovely.’
My jaw is about to hit the floor but apparently, he is not alone in his thinking.
‘Not a hint of camel toe.’
‘You’re so blessed.’
‘Very rotund nethers. Impressively so.’
Like I said, they are all highly professional.
‘Ahem. If I could just focus our attention on the order of business,’ I say.
We may work for the same company, but Ava is seven years younger than me, so she should be a bit more respectful. She rolls her eyes at me and tuts loudly. ‘Okay, carry on, Nelly-Belly,’ she barks as if she’s in charge.
I receive a few pitiful stares from my team. They know full well what she is like. They’ve seen her prancing about. I’m relieved to see her twirl round and make for the door. I won’t make a fuss. It’ll be easier to let herthinkshe’s in charge. Then we can get on with running the company’s PR Department and save a major embarrassment from happening. Just as Ava reaches out to take the door handle, she turns slowly.
‘Oh yes,’ she giggles, sweeping her gaze across us all in turn. ‘I almost forgot.’ She points to her brain and twirls her finger around. ‘I’m your new boss! Hashtag effective immediately.’ She spins on her delicate high heels, and as the door slams shut behind her, all eyes swoop towards me.
‘She didn’t tell you, did she?’ says a delighted Lance. ‘Ouch. How embarrasing for you.’
Shitting, shitting hell.
I spring up and cross the sprawling open-plan office. Who in their right mind would put my bonkers, selfish, thoughtless sister in charge of actual humans? This can’t be right. I chase after her sashaying hips. Surely, it won’t be true. She hasn’t been at the company long enough for starters. I’ve been with the companymuchlonger, and I’ve got anactualBusiness degree that Iactuallyfinished, unlike Ava who dropped out to go find herself in Thailand. No, this can’t be right. She would have told me if she was going for the same job.
‘Ava!’ I hiss loudly. She picks up her pace while I scurry behind. ‘Ava!’ I say more forcefully, trying to keep my voice down. She comes to an abrupt halt right next to a group of handsome buggers who somehow gravitated towards each other like an area in a zoo dedicated to fine-looking, well-proportioned male species. Most of us find this section of the office too imposing to visit. Not so, my sister. She swirls dramatically round, her glorious blonde hair swishing like a theatre curtain, luring the eye of every single one of these striking men-specimens.
