He seems to have no problem making out with every other willing girl in town, however, and man, does it suck to bear witness. Especially since I’ve been saving myself for the day he’ll finally notice what was right in front of him all along. But more and more, it looks like that day may never come. I’m not a prude. I know it’s not uncommon for kids our age to start experimenting, and I’m not opposed to losing my virginity. Truth be told, I’m itching to find out what all the fuss is about. But I have my heart set on a specific person to share that special moment with, and now that my mind is made up, no one else will do. I want my first time to be with someone I genuinely care about. Someone who makes my stomach flutter with a mix of nerves and excitement whenever our eyes meet. Someone I trust.
Jake just so happens to be the only one checking all the boxes. For the past five years, I’ve spent pretty much every waking moment with the boys. Then, a couple of years ago, Megan moved to town. I know from experience what it’s like to be the new kid at school, so naturally, I took her under my wing. She quickly became a regular addition to our tight-knit group, and we’ve been inseparable ever since. It’s nice, having another girl around to balance out the excess testosterone I’m surrounded by every day, and thanks to her easygoing personality, the boys took an instant liking to her as well.
I treasure my friendship with these three, and I love that we have grown so close. Unfortunately, that closeness comes at a price. Spending so much time around Jake and not being able to act on my urges is slowly but surely driving me insane. Being forced to sit back and pretend it doesn’t affect me to see him make googly eyes at other girls makes my stomach turn.
Jake seems oblivious to how I feel about him, and I’m too afraid to tell him the truth. What if he doesn’t see me in the same light? What if he thinks of me as nothing more than a bothersome little sister? I’d never be able to look him in the eye again. I don’t want things to change between us, and yet I long for just that.
We’ve shared a couple of promising moments over the past few months. One incident was just a little over two weeks ago. Jake and I sat by the river when I called him a chicken because he didn’t want to do a backflip off the cliffs. Considering it had only been a handful of days since he landed flat on his stomach—turning it a fiery red for well over an hour—I understood why he wasn’t itching to relive the experience. That hadn’t stopped me from teasing him about it, though, which is how I ended up running for my life. I yelped when he caught me around the middle and tackled me to the ground. Pinning my hands over my head, he went on to tickle me until I ran out of breath. I tried to free myself by bucking my hips wildly to throw him off balance but stilled when I noticed the sudden change in his demeanor.
For a long, tension-filled moment, he’d stared at me with such raw intensity that I was afraid to move. Time stood still, our noses inches apart, as I wordlessly begged him to close the distance and kiss me already. But before I could work up the courage to meet him halfway, he snapped out of his trance, rolled off me like he couldn’t get away from me fast enough, and made up some lame excuse about his dad expecting him at a job site.
Jake is working more and more for his father these days, who is still a grade-A asshole. He never has a kind word for his son, no matter how hard Jake tries to please him. Public humiliation seems to be his favorite kind of torture. A fact he demonstrated once when he struck his son in front of Carter and me for finding a joint in his sock drawer. I still remember the stunned look on his face as he cradled his reddened cheek. I don’t understand why someone as beautiful, loving, and kind as Mrs. Nelson would voluntarily tie herself to a mean bastard like that. You’d think the possibility of such a cruel man becoming my father-in-law is enough to send me running for the hills. But the more Mr. Nelson lays into Jake, the more I want to nurture and protect him.
“Anyway,” Megan rambles on, drawing my attention back to the conversation. “I think she’s lying. Carter said he walked Jake home that night because he thought it’d be a great idea to crack open the bottle of scotch he found in Matty’sdad’s office. I vividly remember Jake telling me it tasted just as bad going down as it did coming back up, so I sincerely doubt he would’ve been in any condition toperform, let alone perform to impress,” she adds, flashing me a sympathetic look. “When I asked Jake about it, he said it was possible, but it didn’t feel right to take credit for something he couldn’t remember.” An ugly snort bursts from my nose.
That sounds exactly like something he’d say. The cocky bastard he is. The chauvinistic way he talks about girls should disgust me, but somehow, his easy confidence only makes him more appealing.
Jake is the wild child among us. Always up for a challenge and forever trying to outdo everyone around him. He’s always been this way. Even back when we were younger. When Carter climbed halfway up a tree, Jake had to get all the way to the top. When Megan landed a jump with her BMX bike, Jake had to add a fancy trick.
Words like caution and fear don’t seem to exist in his vocabulary, and these days, he seems to have found other ways to satisfy his craving for a good dopamine rush. He attends every party he can get himself invited to, recently discovered his love for pot, and if the rumors are to be believed, he also sleeps with every girl who’s up for the task. As if he can hear us talking about him, the double doors open and the topic of conversation strides toward us with his trademark swagger. Carter’s not far behind, as is usually the case. Taking a seat at our table, Jake drapes an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his side.
“What are you two up to?” he asks, flashing the dimpled smile that never fails to make my heart beat a little faster.
“Just talking about your passionate love affair with Sarah Peters,” I reply and watch his reaction closely. I feel his deep chuckle in my chest, but his facial expression gives me nothing to go by.
“I see the old rumor mill is working overtime again. It could be worse, I suppose. I hear I was a great lay.”
I roll my eyes at his gross remark but can’t quite hide the smile tugging at my lips. Unfortunately, I seem to find anything Jake says funny, which only seems to encourage him to be more outrageous.
“So, it’s not true?” Megan asks.
Carter huffs out a laugh. “He was so wasted he couldn’t even take a piss without falling over. Trust me when I say Sarah is full of shit.”
“I’ll talk to her,” Jake announces, breaking into a wide yawn, like we aren’t currently discussing something that is causing me actual physical pain. “There’s really no need to make things up. If she wants a piece of this, all she has to do is ask. Everyone knows I’m a generous guy.”
“You’re such a pig,” I sneer, wriggling my shoulders in an attempt to shrug him off, but Jake holds fast. Giving me a tight squeeze, he leans in, his lips almost grazing the shell of my ear.
“That may be so, but you love me anyway,” he rasps in a sultry whisper that sends a shiver down my spine. Then he pulls back, throws me a wink, and jumps to his feet, utterly unaware of just how much his carelessly delivered words ring true.
Six
Tessa
The sun warms my back as I bury my face deeper into my beach towel and listen to the boys horse around in the water. Jake and Carter are dunking each other while Jude sits on the riverbank and eggs his big brother on.
“You want some of this?” I hear Jake yell just before Carter’s answer turns into a bubbling sound. He breaks the surface, cursing and sputtering, and immediately retaliates. I let my eyes drift shut, a content smile playing around my lips, while I listen to Jude’s delighted laughter.
“You can take him, Jake. Dive and grab him by the feet.”
“How about I grab you by the feet, you little instigator,” Carter suggests, and Jude’s giggles intensify when Jake starts humming theJawstheme song. I must’ve dozed off then because the next thing I know, a rush of ice-cold water lands on my sun-kissed skin, tearing a yelp from my throat. My eyes fly open, and I flip to my back, blinking up at a soaking-wet Jake.
His boisterous laughter draws Anna’s attention, and she abandons her game of Uno in favor of joining in the mockery. I must look quite comical, flailing around on the ground, opening and closing my mouth like a fish out of water.
Something about a child’s carefree belly laugh makes it impossible to stay mad for long. It’s infectious, and I struggle to bite back the smile begging to break free. I love Anna and Jude. Growing up as an only child myself, I always wanted a brother or sister to play with. I begged and pleaded with my parents to have another baby, but they never gave in. Witnessing the special bond Jake shares with his siblings never fails to remind me of just how lonely I’ve been growing up.
Jake’s mom returned to work full-time when Anna started preschool, which resulted in Jake having to babysit them after school more often than not. Most seventeen-year-old boys would moan and complain about having their young siblings tag along to meet their friends, but not Jake. He takes it all in stride and never treats them like they’re a burden, which only makes him more attractive in my eyes. His adoration for these two is palpable, and they worship the ground he walks on. Big J, as Anna so lovingly calls him, is quite obviously the most hilarious thing in her little world.
“You’re gonna pay for that, Nelson,” I growl once I catch my breath again. Jake gives an exaggerated shiver and winks at the little ones, making them crack up even harder.
