My shoulders slumped a little, my mind blown that I’d been so careless. For near enough a decade, I’d kept a massive part of myself concealed, with only a handful of nameless, barely worth mentioning encounters in all that time.
“You knew?”
Amber tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and shook her head. “Not really. It passed through my mind a couple of times, but I only hoped something was going on between you. Nate’s loved you for a long time.”
My breath froze in my lungs.
A slight huff escaped her as she took in my reaction. “All I’m saying is the two of you together is awesome, especially if things are serious and it means you come home.”
Turning away from me, she smiled at the bartender who passed us our drinks. Meanwhile, my heart thumped loudly, blocking out the sound of the room. The heat of possibility flooded my veins. Trust Amber to come out and say what I’d been too terrified to voice, even before Nate made his visit.
Amongst the loud laughter and the flick of the microphone that burst to life, I followed Amber, drinks in my hands. Could I really give it all up and move back to Australia? To be with Nate? To be with my family? More than that, did I have the courage to follow through if I made the decision?
CHAPTER17
NATE
No longer didRyan have to sneak into my room. It helped the week pass by that much sweeter. Gran, as I’d predicted, had listened attentively when Ryan told her he was gay.
My pride for the man burned deep. That didn’t mean it didn’t sting that we were keeping things on the down-low, nor the fact that he wasn’t coming out publicly. I hadn’t lied a couple of weeks back when I’d understood his reluctance to be out. But with just a week left of his visit, my uncertainty grew, made worse that he’d finally responded to his agent and was on a video call with him in the bedroom he never used.
“Why are you walking a hole in the carpet, Nate?”
I scrunched my nose in apology and attempted a smile. Gran’s no-bullshit radar, though, was firing strong. Standing, she headed to the kitchen. “Come on. Let’s put the kettle on.” Gran busied herself making tea while I sat at the large island. “What’s going on? This about the call Ryan’s making?”
“Maybe a little,” I admitted.
She angled to look at me, a frown forming. “Why’s that?”
Focusing on my hands, I picked at the edge of an envelope dumped on the granite. “I suppose it makes Ryan leaving more real.” The shuffle of Gran’s feet caught my attention, followed swiftly by the opening and closing of the fridge door. She remained silent while I gradually destroyed the envelope with small tears.
When a mug of tea was placed before me, I jerked up, startled. “Thanks.”
Kind eyes connected with mine as Gran stood at the other side of the counter. “It’s been wonderful having him home.”
“It has,” I agreed.
“Have you spoken to him about his contract? He has just another season left, right?”
My stomach clenched. I hadn’t, deliberately so. My whole approach to Ryan leaving was ostrich-head-in-the-sand. The past four weeks had been a whirlwind of kisses while getting to know and fall in love with the man all over again. When I wasn’t in a loved-up haze, I pinched myself, still not quite believing my life or Ryan’s affection was real.
“I’ll take that as a no,” Gran said when I remained quiet. “You boys need to talk.” She laughed when I blanched. “Come on, now. I know you’re not allergic when it comes to being truthful and talking about exciting things like your feelings.”
My lips twitched. “I don’t know. There’s usually red skin and a rash involved.”
With a pat to my hand, Gran smirked. “This is time you suck it up and talk. Don’t you think enough time has been wasted?”
I huffed out a breath. “Stop being all levelheaded and wise, Gran. You know it freaks me out.”
She chuckled. “Come on, let’s take these and go and watch some TV while we’re waiting.”
As I picked up my drink, I thought about Gran’s words. The difficulty was, I had no idea what to say. Did I want Ryan to stay? Of course, but that was impossible. Did I want Ryan to give it all up in a year and not chase a contract? That’d be a hell yes. There was no chance I’d ever say that to him, though.
The memory of him on the court slammed into me. Talent like that couldn’t be wasted, especially when he was legit living the dream. I knew pro athletes retired young, but notthatyoung, right? Or maybe I was wrong, and he was already considered ancient. I sighed as I sank into the comfy sofa. As far as I could see, all I could do was tell Ryan I was proud of him and I’d miss him and perhaps try to book a couple of flights to see him. Beyond that, there was nothing I could do.
* * *
A weird tensionblanketed Ryan since his phone call. When I’d asked if he was okay and if he wanted to talk about it, he’d simply shook his head, kissed my cheek, then went and helped Amber bathe Ivy.
