The right or wrong of that was inconsequential. It simply was.
“My first year at college, five times I packed my bags. Twice I made it to the airport.”
Nate’s brows shot high, and his breath caught. “You did?”
I nodded. “Two things stopped me. Gran and Amber, and me knowing I had to see college and ball through. You know how broke we were growing up. I needed to see how far I could take basketball to make sure they were okay.”
Understanding shone in his stare.
“Then there was you.”
“Me?” A fast shake of his head followed.
“As soon as I left, I missed you. I felt it gut deep. And speaking to you made it so fucking hard, made me miss you even more. It took me a while to figure out I wasn’t straight, and that part of how I felt for you was more than me missing my best mate.” Determination kept my voice steady. Admitting it all, finally, needed to be done. Screw that we were outside in a courtyard. Screw that I heard low rumbles of laughter surrounding us. None of that mattered.
“It was too freaking hard missing you, feeling so much for you, even though I hadn’t seen you in the flesh in so long. There wasn’t a chance I could tell you. And coming home scared the shit out of me. Plus it was likely you’d kick my ass for quitting, let alone if I attempted some grand declaration or something equally as mortifying.”
Soft pants escaped Nate, his eyebrows almost touching his hairline. Tempted to carry on, I instead clamped my mouth shut, giving him time to process.
“That’s why you stopped calling, were a dickhead to Amber when she visited.” The statement of his words was clear. Then I lost his eyes as he dropped his head.
When he remained quiet, uncertainty raised its ugly head. “Nate, I’m so sorry, but I just couldn’t deal. And there was no chance in hell I could handle being out, not only in college but playing professionally.” I stopped talking, exhaustion kicking in and draining me of any fire I had left.
“Amber’s probably wondering where we are,” I said reluctantly. With my heart constricting and with no idea what to say or do, I released a heavy sigh, my feet shifting on the spot.
Nate reaching out and taking hold of my forearms surprised me.
Shaking his head, he finally looked at me. “I don’t know how to respond.”
Feeling awkward, I twisted my lips and went to speak. Nate caught my words with his mouth. I groaned at the contact, relief firing my synapses and making my head spin. Fire returned in a flash of heat, the flames licking at my skin in the best of ways. My shoulders sagged, rightness slamming into me.
All too soon, Nate angled away. “I think I need to understand more, but not now,” he said, his mouth still close to mine. “All that matters is you’re here, and I can’t even begin to tell you how fucking happy that makes me.”
The ache in my chest took me by surprise. My heart twisted and grew and seemed to melt all at the same. Who even knew that was possible?
“Amber,” he continued. The mention of my sister forced me to stand up straight and not attach myself to Nate like a stage five clinger.
“Right, Amber.” I returned his smile and reached for his hand. Together we walked back inside. When Nate shifted his fingers to pull away, I held tighter and peered over at him. “It’s okay,” I said, with more confidence than I felt. But Nate was right. I’d worry about the reality of returning to the States in a couple of weeks. For now, I squeezed Nate’s hand and grinned, welcoming the happiness he brought into my life.
Once we were through the crowd and before the booth, my gaze connected with my sister’s. A shit-eating grin stretched her mouth wide. “Damn, is that what happens when you head to the bar here? They pour a big glass of gay love?”
The table erupted into laughter, while Amber’s expression softened as she peered over at me.
“Lenny said the show starts again in five.” She indicated for Tallis to let her out. Once before me, she prodded my stomach. “Come on, big brother. Looks like I can’t trust you to not get distracted.” She prodded Nate too for good measure. “Let’s the two of us get drinks,” she said to me before leading me away from Nate, who simply chuckled and watched us leave.
I rolled my eyes and hooked my arm over her shoulders as we headed to the bar. Once there, she peered up at me. “Love you.” She squeezed my side, and I fought hard not to get sappy and emotional.
“Love you.” I punctuated my words with a gentle kiss to her head.
Once we’d ordered, Amber quirked her brows high.
“What?” I asked, wondering what she would tackle first.
“You know on the drive to the motel we were talking about the bar and that it wasn’t the type of place I expected straight men to hang out?” She cocked her head, and my eyes grew large in understanding.
“Shit.”
“Uh-huh. You didn’t even question it. Neither of you did.”
