“Other neighbor, Toni.”
Toni made a face. “The old guy? Oh, Gemmy.”
“Don’t be ageist!” Gem cried with a stamp to his foot. “He just got a new hip. Lots of torque.”
“Oh my gods,” Rusty whimpered. It was like a car crash, a terrible, bloody car crash, and he just wanted it to end. By any means necessary.
Like Gem wanted the same thing, he sent Enfys a desperate look. “Enfys, please come talk to me about my butthole!”
Thankfully, the Lepid took pity on him, shooting a Rusty ayou-owe-me-bigtimelook. “Of course, precious.”
“Well, I’m coming too,” Tad said as she waddled along behind them. “Seriously, though, there’s so much ass on the internet, I don’tthink it’s worth the trouble. Unless you have a twin or something. People go crazy for that shit.”
Gem’s cry of horror cut off as the door to the back garden shut. The room fell into silence once more, and it was so quiet Rusty could hear the sound of his soul shriveling up and dying. Almost everyone in the room was staring at Rusty, and he sank lower in his chair, wishing he could disappear into the upholstery.
The only person not looking at Rusty was Toni. He was staring after Gem, face screwed up in confusion, like he was doing difficult arithmetic in his head.
“You know, he’s kind of a weird dude,” Bryce said, breaking the painful silence, “but I like him.”
Later that night, when they returned to Gem’s flat, the Araknis rounded on him. “I cannot believe you let me fend for myself like that. Now everyone thinks I fuck my elderly neighbor and that I’m starting a MyFans page to sell pictures of my butthole!”
“And how is any of that my fault?” Rusty shrugged off his jacket and tossed it over the back of the couch. “We could have recovered from thesmashsituation, but you went off the rails. At some point, there was nothing I could do.”
“At some point? You didn’t do anything at any point!” Gem threw up several hands. “It’s a good thing I’m fast on my feet and managed to salvage it.”
To be honest, Rusty didn’t agree. At this point, everyone—except for Toni—had to know. Not that Rusty cared, but Gem clearly did for some reason. So he decided to indulge Gem’s delusion.
“Yeah, you really saved the day,” he deadpanned. “Do I wanna know why you thinking fast on your feet translated to you talking about your asshole in front of everyone?”
Gem blew a noisy raspberry. “It’s not like it’s the first time. Remember a few years ago when I thought I had a tumor?”
At the memory, Rusty grimaced. “Unfortunately.”
“Yeah, everyone heard about my butthole that day. I was so relieved when it turned out to be a really big zit.” Gem sighed forlornly. “Though I still regret asking that customer to check it. Looking back, I don’t think he was even a doctor.”
Rubbing the space between his eyes, Rusty huffed in exasperation. “No, Gem, he was definitely not a doctor.”
“Well, that’s a real bummer,” Gem said miserably. “Anyway, I guess I need to start a MyFans page now, huh?”
“You don’t actually have to sell pictures of your asshole,” Rusty said, and Gem shrugged.
“I mean, Tad had some really great advice, and I don’t think you understand the extent of my credit card debt.”
Rusty blinked at him, and he smiled sheepishly. Then Rusty burst into laughter, and Gem covered his flushed face in his hands and giggled. Climbing onto the coffee table so he was almost eye-to-eyes with Gem, Rusty pulled his hands away so he could cup the Araknis’s face.
“You, Gemae Akyllo, are insane,” he said, not unkindly, but Gem flinched all the same. Softening his smile, he leaned in and kissed Gem’s nose. “And I love it.”
The momentary hurt melted away, and a beaming smile split Gem’s gorgeous face. “Oh, you do, huh?”
Rusty nodded, their noses brushing with the motion. “Yeah, you’re my favorite.”
“You’re my favorite too,” Gem whispered against his lips. “Wanna go to bed and show me how much you love my insanity?”
Hands on Gem’s shoulders, Rusty jumped, knowing Gem would catch him, and locked his legs around his waist. “I’ll prove just how much torque my hips have.”
“Okay. I’ve never role-played old people sex, but I’m hella open-minded, babe. I’ll try just about anything once,” Gem said as he carried him toward the bedroom, and Rusty threw his head back and laughed.
Chapter thirty
