“As in the board,” Gem jumped in, laughing weakly. “Like, the game was so boring, I wanted to smash the board to pieces.”
“Exactly. That’s what I meant,” Rusty said.
Gem patted his shoulder in support. “Totally. I was tracking with you. Because I was there when it definitely happened, and I said it.”
“That sounds believable,” Jude commented, he and Bryce now listening in.
“It is believable,” Gem insisted. “Because it’s true.”
“Uh-huh,” Glyma said dubiously.
“I mean, what else would I have meant by that comment?” Gem stood, wringing several hands and garnering the attention of the poker players. “Because I would never suggest that Rusty and I smash. Because according to the video Quin made me watch—numerous times, I might add—saying inappropriate things like that to a colleague is considered workplace sexual harassment. Which I would never do.
“Not to mention, Rusty and I smashing would be so weird,” he laughed forcefully, and Rusty chuckled uncomfortably along with him.
“Yeah, super weird,” he added, withering under the attention of everyone in the room. “And gross.”
Shooting him an offended look, Gem crossed several arms over his torso. “I’m sorry, gross? That’s taking it a bit far, don’t you think?”
“I don’t think it’s far enough,” Toni said, face scrunched in disgust.
Enfys’s antennas twitched. “I’m confused. I thought—”
“Enfys, I really need to talk to you outside right now!” Gem shrieked, making half the people in the room jump.
“About what?” Enfys asked warily.
“Uh.” Gem glanced at Rusty in a panic, but Rusty could only shrug. He didn’t think there was any saving the situation at this point, but Gem was Gem, and if he was going down, by gods, he’d go down swinging.
“About… my…” Gem started, all eight eyes swiveling widely inside his head, before one landed on the door to the bathroom. “Butthole,” he said, and Rusty face-palmed.
“I beg your finest pardon?” Enfys placed a hand to her chest. “Your butthole?”
Gem grimaced but nodded all the same. “So it would seem.”
“Why?”
With a huff, Gem ran a hand through his hair and squared his shoulders, clearly committing to this. “I was thinking of posting pictures online for money, but I don’t know how much to charge. I thought you’d have some sage advice about that given your vocation.”
For a long moment, it was dead silent in the room as everyone stared at Gem in horror. Except, of course, for Tad, who looked mildly offended.
“What about me? I know a lot about that shit,” she said, crossing her stubby arms over her chest. “I could help too.”
“Oh, well, isn’t that… nice,” Gem said, looking like he didn’t think it was nice at all. “You can come too, I guess. We can all just go outside and… chat about my asshole.”
“If I have to,” Enfys muttered.
Giggling miserably, Gem nodded. “You have to.”
“You know,” Tad said as she hopped down from the table, “it’s a pretty saturated market. So you gotta have a good hook or a very special asshole.”
This time, it was Gem’s turn to be offended. “Um, rude. My asshole is very special. Just ask Rus—ker. Rusker! My neighbor. Who I fuck sometimes, and who thinks my butthole is special. Apparently.”
“Jesus Christ,” Oliver muttered around the fist he’d pressed to his mouth to smother his laughter.
“Oh,Ruskerdoes, huh?” Jude asked, sipping smugly at his beer as he cocked a brow at Rusty.
“I thought your neighbor’s name was Belami?” Toni asked, and Gem simpered.
