It was streaming, so they started at the beginning as Gem painted Rusty’s claws. As they dried, Rusty leaned back against Gem’s chest,purring as several hands sifted through the fur on his arms and belly. He ended up falling asleep for half an hour, which Gem took as a personal offense.
Demanding kisses as reparation, Gem cradled Rusty in his lap as they made out. Rusty wasn’t horny, but the kisses were nice. Gem didn’t try to deepen them, perfectly content to simply kiss. Then they cuddled on the couch as Gem read more of Rusty’s novel and Rusty replied to comments from his readers.
Tuesday, Rusty painted Gem’s nails before he built up a pillow nest on Gem’s bed with the pillows Gem had ordered, especially for him. Lying on his belly inside the nest, he drew the next scene in his novel as Gem lay with him, head propped on Rusty’s back above his tail as he talked. Not about anything in particular, just a stream of consciousness that Rusty loved listening to.
About how he was considering painting the walls of his bedroom, but that would mean he’d need to get new curtains and possibly a new bedspread to match. And did he really want to invest that much time and money when it was a rental, and he’d have to paint the walls back to white if he ever moved out? Not that he’d move out anytime soon since it was rent-controlled and he couldn’t afford anything else, not with his credit card debt.
And it wasn’t like he needed to move out. It was plenty big enough for him, though if Rusty wanted to move in eventually, maybe they’d have to find a new place. Unless Rusty didn’t mind a studio flat situation? But he’d need an office, right? So he could have a quiet place to draw. So really, they’d definitely need to find a new flat.
Maybe somewhere closer to midtown? If they were splitting the bills, it’d be easier to afford, after all. But nothing too fancy, of course. Definitelytwo-bedroom and at least one walk-in closet so Gem could keep his cow collection hidden.
Except, he’d been thinking of bringing some of his figurines out and displaying them on a shelf because maybe Toni hadn’t been right about keeping them secret. Rusty didn’t mind them, right? So who cared if it was silly and a little weird? Silly and weird was kind of Gem’s aesthetic anyway, so why not just commit?
Honestly, Gem was going to order some shelves right now. He could figure out how to install them on the wall. Just a hammer and some nails, right? Couldn’t be that hard. But that did mean he should paint first, so before he ordered shelves, he needed to choose a color.
“I was thinking mint green,” Gem finally finished his rambling, angling his phone so Rusty could see the color swatch he’d found. “What do you think?”
To be honest, Rusty was reeling from the whole if-he-wanted-to-move-in-eventually comment, but he was pretty sure Gem hadn’t even clocked the words he’d spoken aloud. Instead of addressing it, Rusty cleared his throat and said, “I don’t know if I’m the person to ask about color.”
“Oh right. Well, mint green is really pretty,” Gem said expectantly, like he was awaiting validation or agreement.
“Cool,” Rusty said, and Gem wriggled in excitement.
“Awesome! Thanks for your advice, babe. I really appreciate your input.” He rolled over and pecked Rusty’s cheek, then squealed down at the page Rusty’s was shading. “Oh, that looks amazing. Jewyl is so badass. She’s, like, my kindredspirit.”
Later, when they were snuggled under the covers, sharing a pillow, noses almost touching, Gem whispered secrets into the night, letting the dark keep them safe.
He said, “I was seven when I got my first crush, but he made fun of my feet. He called them ugly. I was self-conscious about them for a long time. I still am, I guess.”
He said, “I fucked married guys, and I knew they were married. Like, they had kids and everything. I feel guilty about that sometimes. Does that make me a bad person?”
He said, “I had a boyfriend once, when I was twenty-one. We dated for six months. He was older. Made me feel mature or whatever. Looking back, I think he just liked younger boys because they were easier to control. He… wasn’t a kind man.”
Wanting to give something in return, Rusty offered his own secrets, knowing Gem would care for them.
He said, “I don’t think I had crushes, not really, but there was a girl in my class when I was twelve. Her name was Cheri, and her fur was black and white, like a painting I could actually see. I let her borrow a pencil, and she smiled at me, and I thought she was just lovely.”
He said, “I traded my virginity for a week at a shitty motel. He wasn’t rough with me, but he wasn’t exactly kind either. I cried in the shower afterwards, but I told myself it was worth it because at least I wouldn’t have to sleep outside in the rain.”
He said, “You scared me. When I started at the cafe and you lookedatme instead of through me, like I was a real person. You were kind and warm, and I’d been so cold for so long that your warmth felt like burning. I talked shit about you. Behind your back. I’m really sorry about that.”
And Gem smiled sadly and said, “I forgive you.”
Later still, as the night settled around them, Gem cautiously asked, “Were all your firsts like that?”
It took a moment for Rusty to understand what Gem meant, and he shifted uncomfortably. “My first kiss wasn’t under the bleachers with the cool guy on a moped, if that’s what you mean.”
Gem nodded sadly. “I was afraid of that.”
“We don’t have to talk about that stuff,” Rusty said dismissively. “It’s not—”
“I want you to talk to me about everything,” he interrupted, taking Rusty’s hands and kissing his knuckles. “I can’t promise that it won’t make me sad or angry, but I’m here to listen if you want to tell me. Talking about things, even hard things, is important.”
Rusty worked his jaw as he fought the instinctual defensiveness clawing at his throat. “Some things are better left unsaid.”
“Some things aren’t,” Gem countered, and Rusty chittered in frustration.
“You really wanna know my first kiss?” he bit out, and Gem jutted his jaw stubbornly, like a challenge. “It preceded my first blow job, which I exchanged for a hot meal. Those are the kind of firsts I have.”
