Like Gem was giving him whiplash, Toni shook his head and raked a hand through his indigo hair. “What graphic novel?”
Shit, why was Gem still talking?
“There is no graphic novel,” he said, and Toni threw up his hands in frustration.
“You just said—”
“Toni, you’re missing the point!” Gem interrupted. “The important thing is, we’re figuring things out, and until we do, we’re keeping things chill.”
Swiping his hand through the air, like he was resetting the conversation, Toni said, “Okay, fine! Whatever. I’m feeling a lot of big things right now, because apparently you’re falling in lo—”
Gem rounded on him with a glare threatening death and dismemberment should he even dare to finish that word the way Gem assumed he wanted to. Proving he had a strong survival instinct, Toni swallowed thickly and continued more cautiously.
“Apparently, there are things happening in your life, and I didn’t know,” he said, breath hitching. “Which ain’t your fault. It’s mine, and I hate that. I haven’t been there. You’ve been… you have… and this guy—and I didn’t even know!”
“Toni,” Gem said as he reached for his best friend.
“I know I’ve been caught up with Jude, but I thought I was doing better. Like, finding that balance, you know? But I abandoned you again, didn’t I? And now, you got this guy, and I wasn’t there.”
With a distressed noise, Gem framed Toni’s face in his top hands as he captured his shoulders and upper arms in the other four. “Toni, stop. You haven’t abandoned me. Of course you’ve been busy with Jude! You’ve only been official for a few months, and you’re falling stupidly in love, so of course it’s taking up a lot of your life right now.
“And I’m not mad about that.” Gem pressed their foreheads together as Toni sniffled. “I’ve only ever wanted good and wonderful things for you, and Jude is good and wonderful. I’ve never been happier for you.”
“But everything’s changing,” Toni said.
“Yeah, but that’s life. Things change.”
Toni’s head shot up, nearly clipping Gem’s chin. “But we’re still Gem and Toni, right?”
“We’ll always be Gem and Toni. Always.” Gem pressed a kiss between Toni’s brow. “Even if it looks a little different now. But that’s just part of it.”
“Part of what?”
Rubbing his thumbs over Toni’s cheeks, Gem smiled down at him. “Growing up.”
“What if I don’t wanna grow up?” Toni mumbled glumly, and Gem laughed.
He admired his best friend, the dark coal lining his eyes and the smudge of mascara that he must have worn last night but couldn’t completely remove. His nails were baby pink and sparkling, and the tightness he’d carried for so many years was gone from his face and shoulders.
He wasn’t the same angry, dejected Elas Gem had run into at fourteen years of age. He was a man now, and he’d finally settled into his skin. Whether Toni wanted to admit it or not, he had grown up a lot this past year.
Gem didn’t want to credit all of it to Jude. Yes, the human’s unerring support and calming presence in Toni’s life had made a difference. But Toni was the man he was today because he’d done the work, and Gem was so proud of him.
“Growing up isn’t optional, babes, but I promise to be with you every step of the way if you let me.” Leaning in, Gem pressed a brief, platonic peck to Toni’s lips. “Me and you against the world, right?”
Toni nodded, forehead landing on Gem’s chin. “Always.”
Chapter twenty-six
First Kiss
Rusty
That week, Rusty wentto Gem’s every day after work, except Wednesday when Gem had dinner with Toni and Jude. At first, Rusty had been nervous because this shift in their dynamic—while a long time coming—had him feeling unbalanced. He didn’t know the first thing about romantic relationships or being a good partner.
Not that he and Gem were partners. Gem had seemed averse to labeling anything, which was probably for the best. This was new and uncharted territory for them both, and Rusty didn’t want to rush anything and risk losing Gem before he’d even had a chance to truly have him.
Monday evening, Rusty arrived at Gem’s flat with food he’d picked up from the Pyclese takeaway, and they ate dinner while they watched the last episode ofChainsaw Man. After some begging—and yes, some cajoling kisses—Gem convinced Rusty to watchDesperate Desireswith him.
