If only he could remember her name. He knew he would be able to make a reasonable connection. He needed to make that connection or he feared he might very well lose his mind.
And as if summoned, a minuscule ray of warm light pierced through the fog momentarily.
“Madison.”
Nate looked up to meet the concerned gazes of Liam and Cooper, only then recalling his surroundings and the fact that he wasn’t alone.
“I think her name was Madison,” he said in a surer voice, something settling deep inside him, the conviction that he was right.
Even caught in the throes of his small breakthrough, the look Cooper and Liam exchanged didn’t escape his notice.
“Madison?” Cooper repeated in an uncertain voice. “Are you sure that was her name?”
“Yes, why?” Nate couldn’t help the knot of uneasiness in his stomach. “Do you know her?”
“Um,” Liam started, looking as hesitant as Cooper, “we do actually. You’re the one who introduced us.”
Nate froze, his body locking down in a reaction he didn’t know how to explain. He felt his face drain of any warmth he’d accumulated during his short run. “What?”
Liam was already nodding. “You introduced her to us, said she was your friend. If I remember correctly, you used to hang out for a while back then.” Liam’s face turned into a confused frown. “It’s weird, but now that I think about it, you never told us how that ended.”
“Yeah, it’s like she was there until she wasn’t,” Coop added.
Nate run his hands through his hair so aggressively, it was a miracle he didn’t tug out whole chunks of it. Had he stepped into the Twilight Zone when he hadn’t been looking?
“But that’s impossible.” How could he have introduced someone he seemed to have almost no memory of?
“And yet,” Liam shrugged. “Maybe it’s the accident’s fault. Some kind of shock that brought on this temporary memory loss.”
Nate wished he could blame that. He shook his head. “No, I don’t think I recognized her even beforehand.”
He suddenly felt in dire need of air, his chest expanding but with no relief in sight. The sounds around him became distorted by the beat of his heart that drummed too loudly in his ears. He still had the presence of mind to know how he must look to his best friends though, and he didn’t want to worry them any more than he already had.
“Listen, guys, I think I’m gonna go home,” he croaked out as he carefully stepped off the treadmill for fear he’d stumble.
“Wait, Nate!” Coop’s voice cut through the whooshing sound in his ears.
“It’s okay, I’m fine. I’m okay, I just need a little time. To rest and think things through.”
He made himself meet their eyes head-on so they would know how serious he was.
Coop looked as if he wanted to say more but Liam placed a hand on his shoulder shaking his head. He then turned towards Nate. “We’re here when you need us.”
Nate could only nod in gratefulness before he went to pick up his things from the changing room and rush out the door. The commotion outside—the steady hum of people returning from work, the clash of voices and music drifting from all directions, the cold breeze biting at his flushed face—grounded him. It was chaotic, but familiar.
He clung to it, inhaling deeply, letting the brisk air steady him. Then, with renewed determination, he set his mind on one thing.
He would get to the bottom of this.
He would.
The only problem was that he didn’t even know what was normal anymore.
twenty-nine
During the next few days, it seemed that the small crack that had let some light in by recalling Madison was only the harbinger of many more small things that began to trickle through.
Nate would walk around the city and when the sight of a used bookstore would have normally never stood out to him, now made him stop and watch as the door swung open and closed behind customers.
