But what he did remember with stark clarity was the look on her face as she’d picked up her things and turned to look at him. It was a look that had been enough to punch through his chest and pierce the thick fog of his temporary dizziness. It was a look of pure devastation, of such profound sadness that had robbed him of whatever words he could have told her.
He remained staring after her, long after she’d disappeared from his view.
That look still haunted him as much as his elusive dreams did.
He wondered—again—what words he would have spoken if he’d had the chance.
With a sigh, he let the hot water wash his turmoil down the drain. By the time he stepped out of the shower, at least his body felt less stiff. The soreness, though, wasn’t just from lack of decent sleep. The light workout sessions with Liam had left their mark, and being Monday meant another one after work. No chance of relief anytime soon.
Not that he minded.
The ache gave him something to focus on—something solid, something tangible. A tether, when everything else felt like it was slipping through his fingers.
The day at work went by like all days did, smoothly and with no hiccups thankfully, and at a few minutes after six he was entering the local gym that was at just a walking distance from his place. A quick glance around helped him spot Liam already on the treadmill in a light jog. Nate made his way to the changing rooms, where he could change into his workout sweats and T-shirt.
Liam was still on the treadmill when Nate joined him on the one next to him.
“Hey, man,” Nate said in a way that wouldn’t startle Liam since he had his earbuds in. He put in his preferred pace and speed and started his warm-up.
“How’s it going, bud?” Liam asked, his voice barely showing any strain from his run. “Okay, never mind, I see you’re still looking pretty awful.”
“Thanks for hitting a man while he’s down.” Though he wasn’t far off the mark.
“You know I’m just pointing out what’s right in front of my eyes. Coop would be much more brutal. Speaking of whom,” he trailed off as the familiar figure of his other best friend popped up right in front of his treadmill.
“Wow, you look like shit.”
“Told you,” Liam quipped.
“You two really know how to make someone feel good about themselves, don’t you.”
Cooper frowned hard. “Do you know when I’ll stop telling you you look like shit? When you actually stop looking like shit.” His tone was light but his expression was serious.
Nate really wished he could simply flip a switch and go back to normal, or at least whatever normal was for him but it wasn’t that easy.
“Don’t you think that if I could have, I would have done that already?” he scoffed, shaking his head. “It’s just… I still can’t sleep well and it’s starting to hit me hard.”
“Okay, this is not a conversation we can have while you two are huffing and puffing, so slow this shit down for a bit,” Coop said in a semi-stern voice that made Nate chuckle.
The truth was that without the support of his friends, he didn’t know how these past couple of weeks would have gone. He’d always been a private person when it came to things that mattered. He didn’t let a lot of people in but these guys were his brothers.
They’d taken turns to helping him out those first few days after the incident when he still felt battered and disoriented. They’d done everything in their power to cheer him up and lighten up his mood, while reassuring his mom who didn’t live close enough to visit regularly that he was taken care of.
Nate slowed his pace to a relaxed walk while Liam did the same.
“Much better,” Coop said, adjusting his stance and making himself comfortable while bracing his arms on the side bar of Nate’s treadmill. “So how are you really doing? Looking like shit aside. Any luck figuring out who that woman was?”
When Nate wasn’t working, or at home, or trying to unsuccessfully go back to sleep, his mind kept conjuring up the image of that dark-haired girl who had been with him. As the days had gone by and he had regained a certain clarity, details started to slowly come back to him. Details of wind-swept, shoulder-length dark hair, of eyes bright with concern and familiarity one moment, and sadness the next, of a kind voice that kept calling him by his name.
She’d called him by his name multiple times as if she knew him well. Buthedidn’t know her. Right?
Except yesterday, for a brief moment he recalled a heart-shaped face just like hers from when he was at school. And the more he thought about it, the more he became convinced that it could have been someone he’d gone to school with.
“Actually, I have this feeling that it might have been someone from high school. I think there was this girl back then that could have been her. But we weren’t even in the same class, how is it possible that she seemed to know me that well?” His heart was picking up speed the more he went down that path, a strange sort of agitation that hung in the balance between unrest and excitement.
“Wait a minute.” He pressed the button to completely immobilize his machine. There was no way he had the mental capacity to even maintain a basic walking rhythm. He was more likely to trip over his own feet and fall face first on the running belt.
Yes, there had been a girl roaming the halls of his school. A girl who used to walk around with a book in her hands all the time, who barely paid attention to her surroundings, who… Nate groaned out loud, his frustration reaching a breaking point. Every time he felt closer to shedding the light he so desperately yearned to on the gaping hole of his memories, he was yanked back by an invisible hand that kept it just out of reach.
