I needed to see her. I needed to see for myself that my father was right. That I wasn’t Leah Hennicke. I wasn’t my mother. I couldn’t be, because if I were, that would mean Iwasn’tthe man my future wife deserved. She deserved a man who would stay through it all. Not someone with the potential to fuck it up and leave her more abandoned than I found her.
Fuck it. I needed a flight to Africa and the reassurance that I wasnotwho I feared myself to be. Grabbing my phone and searching for a flight, another panic attack took over.
***
“You’re going out?”
My surprise must have knocked something in Maggie’s mind because she gave me a look that said,What’s the big deal?I shrugged and tried to give her an apologetic smile.
I was on edge today. She could tell. And if I had learned anything about Maggie throughout the last few months of living with her, it was that shehatedliving with uncertainty. And not knowing where I was at right now was killing her. There was a tension in the room that I couldn’t bring myself to ease. Everything was happening in my head all at once. I may have promised Maggie I would go to her with my concerns, but those concerns would stress her out and the baby. She didn’t need that. I could deal with them on my own.
“I’m going to Lina’s for a girls’ night. You okay with that?” I couldn’t tell if she was asking sincerely or being sarcastic, but I answered anyway.
“Of course. So long as I can hold you at the end of the night.”
Maybe that was too much. I was trying to pretend everything was normal and, clearly, Maggie could see right through it.
“You sure? You haven’t really done that lately.”
“Lately?”
She nodded. A hint of insecurity hid behind her eyes. I couldn’t bear it.
“I…I did last night, right?”
“Well…yes.” Admittedly, last night was the same ruse I attempted to put on today, and she knew it.
“Jack?”
I broke out of my thoughts. “Yes?”
“Your eyes are really red.”
“I smoked a blunt,” I joked, even though this was not the time to be making one.
“Okay.” She sighed and turned back to picking out an outfit from our closet. She would never have let me say that if she had been in her right mind.
“Maggie, I was kidding.” What the fuck was I trying to do here? My head was everywhere.
“I know,” she said softly, voice muffled since she was still in the closet. “But if something is wrong and you’re not telling me, I am just going to wait for you to be ready to tell me.”
Christ, I didn’t deserve this woman.
“I’m okay,” I said, because I knew what her next question would be.
“Are you sure?” She still hadn’t come out to face me.
“I’m okay,” I repeated.I’m not.
Maggie came out a few minutes later wearing black leggings and an army green crewneck. She was fucking breathtaking.
“You look beautiful.” I walked toward her to kiss her cheek. She froze.
I wanted to pull her into a hug. To hold her, and beg her to tell me everything would be alright. That I was worthy of being the father of her child. I needed this woman so badly that I didn’t know what to do with myself.
But what if she didn’t need me as much as I needed her?
Chapter thirty-three
