“I’m gonna work really, really hard, and then I’m gonna have a unicorn of my own someday in my barn filled with polo horses.” She smiled, a wistful look still filling her eyes.
My stomach churned, and my heartbeat picked up. I was going to have a kid who asked these same questions—a kid who might have the same dreams in a few months.
And I realized, I couldn’t wait for my own kid to ask me questions like this. Yes, my stomach rolled like thunder, and my heart thumped worse than it did when I saw our baby in black and white, but what fought the panic was the desire to be the father this baby deserved.
This was getting real.
Chapter twenty-two
Jack
The girls chattered on through dinner and their bedtime routine. I thought I would find it annoying that they couldn’t shut up about horsie this and horsie that, but it was surprisingly quite adorable. Pushing my fears aside for the night, I began to imagine them as my own daughters. It was this night that I decided, even though I would love this baby more than anything, regardless of gender, I desperately wanted a girl. A little girl I could take care of and protect. A little girl who looked just like her beautiful mother. A little girl I could hold and kiss and love and call my own.
There was no doubt about it now. As terrified as I felt about becoming a father, I would commit my entire life to the baby and to Maggie. To my fucking deathbed.
“Alright, girls, it was so much fun hanging out with you tonight. I hope we get to do it again soon.” Maggie and I stood in the doorway of their bedroom. Both girls were tucked into their full-sized, canopy beds, placed beside each other. The walls were light pink, and horse toys were scattered around the room.
“Wait!” Kellie called out before Maggie could shut the door.
“Yes?”
“Mommy and Daddy always rub our backs to help us sleep,” Kellie whimpered. “Can you guys do it too? Just for a minute.”
“Kellie!” Josie whisper-shouted. “They’re not Mommy and Daddy. They aren’t going to rub our backs.”
I glanced at Maggie with a small smile, and she returned it. She had a new look in her eyes tonight. Whether it was a surprise that I was treating the kids better than I imagined I could, or maybe she was starting to feel the same way I was—it was different.
Before another thought could cross my mind, my feet brought me to the side of Kellie’s bed. Maggie tagged loosely behind and sat on the edge of Josie’s. My hand hesitated when I reached out to touch her back. Was this weird? I had only met the child a few hours ago, and she asked me to rub her back to help her sleep. Kellie giggled at my pause, so I reached down to tickle her sides, and her laugh came out even louder.
“Kellie!” Josie whined. “I’m trying to sleep.”
“Sorry, Josie,” I whisper-shouted. “That was my fault.”
Maggie silently chuckled when I caught her eye. I focused my attention on Kellie, whose eyes were now becoming heavy. She watched me until the last second before falling asleep, and her breathing evened out. My fingertips lightly brushed the upper back of her shirt, and I fell deep into thought.
Becoming a dad was the last thing on my bingo card—especially in my twenties—but tonight, I felt like a new leaf had turned. I was gaining a new respect for my parents and how they raised me. I wasn’t the best kid. Hell, I was a little demon, but I never thought twice that my dad did a fantastic job raising me. Too bad he always had to worry about becoming a grandfather.
Thinking of my parents made me think of my mother. After almost four months of getting her voicemail, I still hadn’t heard anything from her. She hadn’t been home in nine months, andit had been six or seven since her last phone call. I couldn’t help but wonder if she had cut off contact for good. She never seemed particularly excited to talk to my father when she called or visited home.
Leaving my dad back in Pennsylvania was a difficult feat, and, despite our bi-weekly calls, I still felt guilty about it. Sure, he was the most well-liked man in the club, what with all of his knowledge and equine skills, but it was hard for him to find people who wanted more than just advice on how to care for their horses. Sometimes he just needed a friend, and, more times than not, that was me. I was lucky to have a father figure like him. While I wasn’t the most obedient kid until…well, a few years ago, he was an incredible role model. He was the kind of father I needed to be for my kid. The man who showed up. The man who went above and beyond.
“Jack,” Maggie whispered, pulling me from my thoughts. “They’re asleep. Let’s head out.”
We quietly crept out of the room, Maggie stepping out into the hall while I closed the door. I turned to face her, but she was already headed toward the living room, pulling the sleeves of her grey sweater over her hands. She plopped herself on the couch as I followed to do the same. She tucked her legs beneath her body as her black leggings hugged her shape perfectly, biting her lip as she watched me.
“A success.” She smiled.
“I have to say, that was a lot more enjoyable than I thought it would be.” I shook my head before meeting her gaze. Those eyes again. Those emerald eyes were killing me.
“You were so great with them, Jack. I told you, you are going to be an amazing father.” Her voice was soft, sincere. I wanted to believe her more than anything.
“That was all you, Mags. You’re going to be an incredible mother. I’ll be learning everything from you.” My hand reached to clutch hers, a motion I was becoming all too comfortable with.
She dropped to a whisper and squeezed my hand. “I was watching you all night. The way you treated those girls, Jack…it made me feel so lucky to have a family with you.”
Of all the words we had ever used to describe our accidental situation, lucky was never one of them. It was always us reassuring each other, promising we would take care of each other and that we would love the baby. Never just the appreciation that it wasus, and no one else. Maggie’s words made me feel special. Wanted. Capable. Her eyes promised that she genuinely wanted this pregnancy withme. Jack. No one else. Maybe she wanted more than just a baby with me.
I couldn’t help myself. Her words rendered me helpless. I ate up the space on the couch, caressing her face in my hands, and held her forehead to mine. Her breath hitched, and her eyes searched my gaze. Praying I didn’t scare her, my thumbs softly rubbed her cheeks. Our eyes locked on each other’s, but I couldn’t kiss her. I wouldn’t. All I could do was hold her and say, “Maggie, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I wouldn’t have it any other way. My life was miserable without you.”
