When I answer no, it sounds like a breath not a word. His mouth lowers to kiss my neck as his hands caress higher and higher until they're playing with the edges of my panties. I'm so desperate for his touches to move higher and deeper that I'm silently begging him for it. He can take me right here, in the back hallway of a bar, because I don't think I can wait much longer.
I'm leaning against him, my head tilted backward, eyes half closed. My hands are gripping his shoulders, and he's whispering how much he wants me and has since we first met. His warm hands are under my panties now, his fingertips caressing me. I feel every one of the rough spots on his fingers, and they're stroking all the right places. As a feral sound of pleasure escapes my mouth, I wake up in a panic to see sunlight streaming across my bed. Shit, did I really make that noise out loud? Can he smell my pheromones through the wall?
I'm covered only by a sheet, and its damp from my perspiration. And that's not the only dampness around here. There's no denying that dream. The warm throbbing between my legs is proof of it. Inside the bathroom, there's the rushing sound of a shower being turned on, and I cringe at the thought that Seth might have heard me cry out in my sleep. Of course, he had no way of knowing I was dreaming of him, but still, it's like being seen naked.
Speaking of naked... Seth is in the shower right through that door. Water cascading over his beautiful body. I hate Seth, I really do, but it has been a long time since I've gotten any action. The reason he's in my subconscious brain is the fact that Hugh and I spoke about him before I went to bed, and I'm not going to feel guilty about it. Women fantasize all the time about people they would steer clear of in real life. Jaime Lannister. Loki. Sirius Black. Okay, these are all fictional characters, but still, I feel there's precedence here. I can use Seth as a character in my fantasies to satisfy my sexual needs and still hate him. Right?
Yes, yes, yes. I creep out of bed and unzip the pocket of my overnight bag. I've had the same reliable vibrator for years, but I recently bought myself the travel version. Let's see how this miniature baby works.
I slide my hand underneath the sheets and flick on the switch, hearing it gently hum to life. It's time to create a mental movie about joining Seth in the shower. I'm fairly sure that if I went in there right now, he wouldn't turn me away despite the fact that he loathes me. In fact, sometimes I wonder if he's thinking about me while he runs the soap over his body.
I let that thought turn into a longer fantasy and the vibrator does its work while I enjoy the rush of blood to parts of me that have been unattended for too long. Unlike in my dream, I'm the one telling Seth what I'd like him to do to me, and he's being a very good listener. I imagine his mouth starting on my breasts then moving down to my stomach and inner thighs, kissing and nibbling my body with the attention of a connoisseur, until he gets to the most tender place of all. His work down there is absolutely expert. He's gentle, patient and as turned on as I am by what's happening between us.
I try to finish before he turns off the shower, but even with the dream to get me started, I'm not quite there when the house goes silent. What is it with him and water conservation? He's not even paying the fucking water bill!
As my vibrator buzzes softly, I consider whether it's loud enough for someone to hear on the other side of that door. I'm too close to stop now though. If he hears me, I don't care. I let myself fade into my fantasy again, Seth teasing me with his fingers and tongue, until the pleasure builds to the point where I can no longer contain it inside me. I turn to the side and let the pillow capture my moan as I shudder with release. I'm still breathing heavily, but my body is more relaxed than it has been in ages. This was just what I needed, and now I'm free. My attraction to Seth has been satisfied, and I can go back to loathing him.
* * *
It's notuntil I shower and come downstairs that I realize it's Saturday, the day Michael is bringing Harmony over to the house to spend the week here. He's had her enrolled in day camps all summer because he needs childcare while he's at work. She's already done camps that involve coding, basketball and something called circus arts. Renata requested a week to have Harmony to herself, and they decided to name it Grammy Camp. She's been talking about it since I arrived at the farm.
I smell the maple syrup and pancakes as I'm coming down the stairs, and my mouth waters. The whole family is in the kitchen with Renata whirling around them as she pours batter into a sizzling pan and directs Michael, who is chopping fruit, and Dad, who is pouring drinks. She does it all with a calm smile on her face.
Yes, everyone is here, including Seth. He and Harmony are setting the table with silverware and pretty yellow napkins with a bold flower print on them. Renata directs Harmony to place a small vase of wildflowers in the center of the table, and I'm impressed, once again, at how she can make even an ordinary day feel special.
I call out good morning, gratefully take the mug that Renata hands me and head to the coffee maker. My heart picks up the pace when Seth and I brush against each other, but I will not let the sight and scent of his freshly showered self throw me off my game. We haven't spoken since he called me desperate and lonely, and insulted my father, and I'm not going to be the one to break the silence.
"Hope you slept well, Andie," Renata sings out, expertly flipping a pancake on her skillet. "Breakfast will be ready in just a few."
I glance over at Seth, but he's turned away, taking a bowl of fruit to the table.
"What can I do?" I ask Renata, as she and Dad plate up the pancakes and bacon they've finished cooking.
"I think we're all set," she says, handing me the platter of golden brown pancakes. "If you could just bring these to the table, that would be great. I've got more in the oven for seconds."
I take the plate from her hands and say, "I'll do the clean up then."
Renata smiles innocently. "Seth has already offered because he got here late, too, so you two can be on KP duty together. Isn't that what they call it in the military, Seth?"
Seth's eyes cut to me, then back to his mother.
"Yeah, but I can handle it on my own."
"I can do my share," I say, placing the platter on the table.
I'm not going to let him do the work and make me look like the lazy one. He's going to have to deal with me, as uncomfortable as that may be for him. The R-rated scene from my dream pops up in my head like a bubble, and I put a pin in it as quickly as possible.
We all take our seats and Renata asks us to take a moment to say a prayer with her. She thanks God for bringing us all together this morning and for giving her this week with her sweet girl, Harmony. My father has his eyes closed during the prayer, and I'm pretty sure he and Renata are holding hands under the table. My heart squeezes, and I'm mortified that what I feel right now is jealousy. Is it because she's the apple of his eye now, or is it that I envy the passion and devotion they share?
"That bacon looks delicious," Michael says, eyeing the plate of meat. "I never make it for myself anymore. Harmony doesn't eat it."
Seth, who is sitting next to Harmony, tugs on one of her braids. "Who doesn't like bacon?"
I want to ask if this pig was his personal pet or just a random victim, but I refrain.
Harmony points her fork at me. "Andie doesn't. And I'm going to be a vegetarian, too. I decided the other day."
Renata gives Michael a surprised look. Grandma apparently didn't know about this development.