Luca shakes. A tiny tremor, like he’s holding back something sharp, something dangerous.
“We loveyou.Not your body, or the things you may do for us—here or at home or in the nest, or even someday out in the world. It’s you. When I saw you awake for the first time, shaking with fear, your new senses just online, I felt how much you loved me. It was as if everything was clicking into place.
“I can only understand a little bit of what happened to you. I…uh…have a bit of my own history with feeling bad about myself and thinking that my body was a commodity.”
Luca tries to smile reassuringly, but Nix is unconvinced. It’s shame and self-loathing, and Nix knows exactly what he means. Luca shouldn’t feel that way about himself ever again.
“But Gideon and Ruthie helped me. All of you help me.”
“Luca, I’m sorry that happened to you,” Nix says softly and kisses his mate’s shoulder.
Even though Nix has only been here for a short while, he can see how wonderful and full of life Luca is—how he makes every day an adventure uninhibited by convention. He lives and loves 100% of himself, 100% of the time.
Nix envies him because it looks like freedom.
“See? That feeling you’re having right now? That’s what I mean when I say I’m sorry, too. It’s compassion, and it’s empathy, and it’s love, Nixie. Weloveyou.”
Nix can see it in his face, hear it in his voice, and smell it in Luca’s sweet mocha scent. He can feel it in his chest. All the bonds are warm and swirly, not hard and sharp like they were earlier when he’d considered severing them.
There’s an abrupt banging on the door, and whoever it is doesn’t wait for an answer before opening it.
“Nix? Luca? Where the fuck are you?”
Jamie’s long-toed feet are across the warm floor in an instant, walking into the restroom.
“Gray, you said you left them here, but the bond is fucking…”
Gideon’s smaller—perfect—feet follow suit while four other pairs stand outside the door.
It’s Gideon who figures it out, maybe his soulmate bond pointing the way.
“Hey, kittens. Everything okay under here?”
His face appears on Luca’s side, his eyes alert for trouble. He must gain their measure because, by the time Jamie joins them, it morphs into a smirk. He offers a reassuring nod before standing and walking away.
“Come on, Alpha. They’re okay. Dinner in an hour, you demons. Go! Nothing to see here.”
It’s hard to meet Jamie’s eyes, but he does, and then there’s a hand on Luca’s belly, palm up. It’s not hard to put his own in it and squeeze.
“Okay, baby boy? Luc?”
Was he okay? Not really.
Was he going to be? Maybe.
“Mmmhmm,” he answers anyway.
“Go away, Jaybird. This is Nixie-Luca time.”
Nix almost smiles at the look of affront that crosses Jamie’s face. He looks like he might try to slide under on Luca’s side, but he’s dragged backward on his belly by his feet toward the door. With a tiny nod and a wave, he catches the door after himself on the way out.
It’s warm and sweet, and it makes the surge of love in his chest swell so big that he thinks it can’t all befrom just him.
“He loves you. He has always loved you. Before you were Were, before you were bonded. From the very beginning, he has loved you, and he has said it’s unchanged now, Nixie. I won’t say what you went through doesn’t matter to him or me or any of us. Because it fucking does, but not in the way you said. People aren’t dirty or used up. What happened to you matters becauseyou matter.”
What does he say to that? He wants to believe Luca so badly. He’s bonded his fucking life force to all of them. It had been joyous and perfect—he’d felt joyous and perfect forthem. His mates.
And he knows that when he finally bonds with Finn, he’s finally going to feel complete.
