“Here goes. First, I am sorry that I hurt you before. That was totally not my intention. Okay?”
Nix doesn’t enjoy being reminded about it but nods.
Luca blushes, but he has his serious face on, and his scent seems level at a sweet, chocolate-y mocha.
“Hmm. Gray said you and Gideon talked about kinks this afternoon? And Gray told you about his own self-edging thing?”
“Yeah. Is that why you pushed me away? Gideon told you to?”
It’s worse than Nix thought.
Luca’s eyes fly open wide in surprise. “Whoa there. What has changed for you since yesterday? Because nothing has changed for us since the moment you woke up—before, even, if Gray’s rebound rut or Rowan’s almost-pack-alpha challenges are anything to go by. We have always wanted you—to the point of distraction.”
The look on his face is genuinely baffled, and if Nix lets himself, he can recall only moments where his mates have shown him desire.
Even if they had to show restraint—like when he shared he’d wanted the alphas to put a baby in him—he hadn’t taken it as rejection.
He’d loved it, even.
The teasing and the push-pull he’d had with Gideon, or making Jamie sweat by calling him Daddy, or knowing Rowan wanted him to touch his already-overused dick after they’d bonded in a feedback loop.
Why is he feeling like this, and why now?
“I don’t know.” It’s the answer to Luca’s question and his own.
He lets out a breath, and there’s a sudden flood of singed vanilla that eases the tightness beside Luca’s mouth.
Had he sucked in his scent like before?
He hadn’t meant to, but when he struggles to keep a lid on that mental box, his body knows his scent is a giveaway—even to himself.
“Thank you, baby. Whew. That’s better.”
He rubs a finger down between Nix’s eyebrows.
“This feeling—has it been like this all the time? You haven’t mentioned it before today.”
Nix shakes his head, realizing in that moment that he doesn’t want to say that out loud because hearing it makes it more real and makes it hurt worse.
“What is it? Please talk to me so I can help.”
Nix pulls the covers up over his face and dislodges Tsuki, who huffs but lies on the floor beside the window in a fading patch of late-day sun.
“Oh. Is it too much?” Luca asks, and Nix can’t tell if his pretty face is contorted in pity or disgust with the trusty green blanket over his face.
“Come on.”
Nix pulls the blanket away in time to see Luca roll off the bed and onto the floor. When he doesn’t stand up again, Nix leans over the side, only to see he has disappeared.
“Come on, baby.”
Luca is under the bed.
Nix crawls off on Tsuki’s side and throws on Grayson’s sweater from earlier. It smells sweet like them, and it grounds him a little.
“Luca, what are we doing?” he asks, but slides under the bed. It’s high enough that they can lie side by side on their backs in the dark. The floors have ambient heat, so it’s cozy, too. It’s like a cave of comfort.
“Well, I thought sometimes it’s a lot out there, but under here, it’s just you and me.”
