“Grayson. Are you okay?”
He runs his hand over Grayson’s chest and uses a finger to turn his chin toward him.
Is it the Broken Bond Syndrome again? It shouldn’t be, right?
Nix hadn’t felt the same pain at all, except for when he’d been at the Costas’s and concentrated for that minute just on Grayson. Then it hurt like mad until he could lock it down.
But it had hurt Grayson terribly.
“Angel. Just. I need a minute, alright? Just one minute,” Grayson says, voice breathy.
Nix does not understand what’s going on—not at all.
What if he’s done something wrong?
He tries to think about what he might have done that has upset his alpha enough that he had pulled away.
Grayson had kissed him and been with them outside, but he hadn’t come. Nix would have noticed. Instead, he’d chosen to swim in the cold pool.
Grayson hadn’t wanted to make love since they bonded in the Art House.
It was only yesterday, but…
Maybe Grayson doesn’t want him anymore?
Maybe he’s finally figured out that Nix is all used up.
Maybe Nix tastes bad?
Maybe heisbad.
Maybe he…
The crawl of shame is like a prickling heat, and it shoots bolts of nausea and dread straight to his core.
The self-loathing he’s been able to hide from with all the praise, love, and affection he’s been receiving—and the security of the nest—oozes out from that box in his mind.
He can’t stop it.
The meltdown he’d had with Jamie outside the church hadn’t been easy to come back from, and then hearing Rowan’s lack of faith made getting the lid back on that mental box almost impossible yesterday.
Nix doesn’t understand why knowing Jamie supports him or that Gideon thinks he really can do this and win is making him feel worse, not better.
Why is it harder to keep it in that box when he’s safe than when he’s fighting for his life?
Isn’t he supposed to feel better when he’s safe?
But he doesn’t.
It should be easy with the pride and joy Nix felt when LRH had announced they were leaving the company that had treated them so poorly. They were so relieved, and Nix was too, because getting away from people who hurt you is hard, and the relief must feel like the worst of weights have been lifted off your shoulders.
Once he’d stopped worrying Hayes was going to jump out at every corner, Nix had felt that relief himself.
It should be easy to let that happiness just carry him through, and it was enough—until the deliveries had come, and there were so many new things, and he just wasn’t used to it. It had almost been more than he could contain.
Nix is so grateful for a warm bed, his beautiful nest, and new things he’d never thought he’d have again, but they are also just another way he’s beholden to his family to provide for him.
It’s just another way that he’s not contributing to their family outside of trying to be a suitable mate—outside of offering his body and the pleasure he provides with his slick and a wet mouth.
