“Self-preservation,” I said, and her lips curved up in a half smile.
“Sneaks up on you, doesn’t it?”
“You can say that again.”
“Why are you scared of your emotions, do you think?”
“Because what if I open the box, and I realise all those feelings I used to feel for him are still there? What if I just buried them, and they all come rushing back to the surface?”
Where the fuck were these thoughts coming from?!
I didn’t even realise I felt this way! I wasn’t coming back here. Bitch was a devil lady. There was no other explanation.
“Would that be a terrible thing?”
“Yes!” I almost snapped.
“Why?”
“Because he doesn’t feel the same way. And I don’t want to let myself be hurt again.”
“You know this for a fact?”
“Yes! Hetoldme. He told me he doesn’t love me. Whatever he used to feel is long gone, because I fucked it all up. I mean, he has a goddamn tattoo of my bite mark to remind him I’m a vindictive bitch, for fuck's sake!”
“I see.” she scribbled something down in her notes. “Have you tried talking to Dante about this?”
“I’ve thought about it,” I said, picking at the loose thread on my sleeve.
“What’s stopped you?”
“Because, like I said, I don’t know what’s genuine and what’s not with him.”
“No one ever knows what someone else is capable of, Rachel. For example, my husband could be cheating on me right now. But Itrusthe won’t. Itrustthat if there are issues between us, he will come and talk to me. Itrusthe will show me the same level of respect that I show him. Trust is a leap of faith. We never know for sure. That would be impossible, as humans are unpredictable. But we can choose to put our trust in someone.”
“How do you trust someone who has hurt you so badly?”
“With great difficulty. I can’t tell you how to do it. But I can tell you how it starts.”
“How?”
“Communication,” she said simply.
I scoffed in response. “Me and Dante don’t communicate well. We either fight, or we fuck.”
“Both are valid forms of communication—provided you mean fighting as in arguing, and not physically?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Arguing,” I confirmed.
“Every couple argues sometimes.”
“Not like us. Trust me.”
“How can I trust you?” She said, gently tapping her pen against the notepad.
“I… Oh, I see what you’re doing. It’s not going to work.”
“You’re asking me to take your word for something. I have no evidence to back up what you’re saying. But you want me to believe you. You want me to take the leap of faith that you’re not lying to me?”
