Page 85 of Never Ever Getting Back Together
Jordy, sitting at the head of the table wearing a much more reserved navy dress shirt (Prada), jacket (Gucci), and neck scarf (unspecified, but probably obnoxiously expensive), suppresses a smile.
First up, Dominique drags Jordy to his feet to use him as a prop. To my delight, she seems to be showing him the respect he deserves: absolutely none, he’s not fucking royalty.
“Now, if you were to come into zis room and you see Jordy standing here, you will not need to bee-have any differently,” Dominique says, “as ’e ’as no rank.”
Skye looks as though all her dreams have come true at once. I can relate.
“But, for now, we are going to pretend Jordy eez heez sister, Princess Samantha.”
Jordy visibly cringes at this. I hope they got that on camera.
“Now, to curtsy to ’er, you will do as so.” Dominique demonstrates a light curtsy, dipping her head a little and only bending a couple of inches. “And you will address ’er as ‘Va Fillefrein.’” Now, come. Practice.”
One by one, we stand in front of Jordy, and curtsy to him.
“Did I nail that, or what?” Perrie asks after she finishes hers.
Jordy’s grin is genuine. “It’s like you were raised in the palace.”
“Ha. I’m telling my dad that when I see him next. He’ll think that’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard.”
Jordy actually seems charmed. Which, duh, whowouldn’tbe charmed by Perrie? But it does make me freak out a little. Maybe Skye’s theory that Jordy doesn’t want a girl that’s especially nice to him is off base.
Still. I told her I’d follow the plan. And she’ll literally kill me if I stray from it one more time.
Hi, Sam,I mouth when I reach him. His smile is a little bit too wide to be natural. It’s a silent-screaming sort of smile.
Well, I don’t think I’ve won myself any brownie points, plan or not. But itisfunny to torture him, so.
When Kim curtsies, she holds eye contact with him for a super long time. After they get the shot, she asks him to talk in an urgent whisper. “Later,” he whispers back.
“Please?” she says. “I really,reallyneed someone to talk to.”
“We can’t now.”
Dejected, Kim returns to the table and avoids the rest of our eyes.
Once we’re done, Dominique has us repeat the process as though Jordy is now Queen Aimée, with a much deeper curtsy, and the words “Va Ferrefreiner.”
It takes about half an agonizing hour to learn all the possible curtsy combinations, at which point we’re seated back at the table and provided, to Lauren’s delight, tea. To Lauren’s even greater delight, she’d been right about how to hold the cup, and Dominique has her demonstrate her technique to the rest of us.
After this, while we all elegantly sip our tea—which I dump four sugars into, to Lauren’s greatun-delight—we’re treated to a long, boring lecture on the history of the royalfamily. By the end of it, I kind of wish I were back in the frigid lake swimming after a rogue kayak. At least that was a little exciting.
“And now, ze quiz,” Dominique says. Everyone in the room gives her a forced smile, except for Lauren, who looks genuinely thrilled, and Kim, who hasn’t really smiled all day.
“What was ze given name of ze grandmuzzer of ze queen of Chalonne?”
I’m just about to open my mouth when Lauren spits out, “Alma!”
“Correct.”
And so it continues on. Every question, Lauren leaps in before the rest of us can even get a shot.
“Switzerland!”
“1937!”
“Red and purple!”
