Page 4 of The Equation of Us
“Anyway,” she continues, her tone airy, “we’ve been talking about breaking up. Honestly, it’s probably time.”
Sadie blinks. “Wow. Okay. I did not see that coming.”
Daphne gets a faraway look in her eyes. “He’s not, like, abusive. It’s just his whole thing. Always giving orders. ‘Come here,’ ‘stay still,’ ‘don’t touch me yet’—like it’s some game he has to win.”
I swallow a too-big bite of lettuce, forgetting how to chew.
Sadie snorts. “Yeah, no thanks. That kind of thing screams ‘fragile masculinity’ to me.”
“He doesn’t just want sex. He wants surrender,” Daph says, stabbing a piece of melon with her fork.
I don’t say anything.
Because somewhere betweenstay stillandcome here, something shifts.
Not in a way I’d admit.
Not even in my own head.
But my chest turns warm and unsettled, and I hate how quickly my mind goes there—flashing back to how Dean looked at me today in the tutoring room, calm and still, like he already knew what I’d say before I said it. And now those words from the café are replaying in my head too—not just big—it’s like, how is that supposed to fit big—and I’m mortified by how much that thought affects me.
Daphne sighs. “Anyway, I just want something lighter, you know? Someone easy. Something fun.”
My fork pauses halfway to my mouth.
Sadie hums in agreement, pulling her phone back out. “Emotionally available and not a caveman. Is that too much to ask?”
Maybe not.
But maybe I don’t want easy.
Maybe I never have.
I push a crouton around in my salad bowl.
There’s a short lull in the conversation. Then Daphne glances at me. “What about you, Nora? Anything new?”
I lift a shoulder. “Same as always.”
Sadie doesn’t even look up from her phone. “Nora’s got her whole life planned through 2030.”
“2032,” I say, half smiling. “Assuming I get the fellowship.”
“What fellowship?” Daphne asks.
I take a sip of my tea, keeping my tone even. “There’s a research assistantship opening in the neurobehavioral lab. Funded slot. My advisor thinks I have a shot.”
Sadie finally looks up. “She has more than a shot. She’s already halfway in with her professor. Total brain crush situation.”
I shake my head. “He’s just old and overly invested in oxytocin regulation pathways.”
Daphne blinks. “Oxytocin, like… the love hormone?”
“Technically, yes,” I say. “But we’re more interested in the behavioral implications—attachment regulation, social bonding, risk patterns, that kind of thing.”
“Sounds sexy,” Sadie deadpans.
I don’t share the truth—that I love how brains make decisions before people even realize they’ve chosen anything. Understanding how fear influences choices makes me feel like I might survive my own someday.
