Page 17 of Off Side
SAM
I’ve changed into some comfortable clothes and left my hair down. I slip on my favourite bunny slippers and I shuffle back downstairs to find Drew in the living room. He has a beer already and a cooler waiting for me. He’s also changed and he looks delicious. He’s got a T-shirt on with a pickle on it that says, “I’m kind of a big dill,” and it’s stretched so tight, it looks like it’s fighting with his muscles to just stay on and not spontaneously rip off. He’s wearing a pair of low hanging grey sweats too and he might as well be sitting there naked because he is all kinds of hotness right now. I sit down opposite him on the other couch and take the cooler. I gulp down half of it immediately because I need to calm myself down and cool my insides.
“Thanks for once again helping me out there, Drew. As you can probably see by now, I’m a bit of a hot mess.” I laugh at myself softly and take a peek at him. He’s watching me and listening so I continue.
“So, ah, there’s a lot of things about me you don’t know and if we’re going to make this whole thing work, I’m going to have to tell you about it. I’ve never told anyone except my grandpa the whole story. A few people heard details or partial truths from the media or gossip, but only my grandfather, myself and two other people involved know exactly what happened. It’s a hard story to share and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get through it all at once. Something Mr. Burns said today made me think it’s about time I started dealing with all my baggage and take control of my life. I’ve only known you two days and we are in a position where trust is going to have to happen or the arrangements are just not going to work. I’ve never actually been at a place in my life for the last year that I would even think of trusting this story with anyone.”
I risk a glance up again and I see Drew is still listening. His eyes are telling me all kinds of things a girl could only wish for from a guy like him. It gives me the courage to continue before I have another anxiety attack and freeze up.
I take a deep breath in and gather my thoughts before I continue. I’m terrified once I put this out there to Drew, he will want nothing to do with me. He will tell Mr. Burns to forget the conditions, I will lose this farm and everything with it only to be cast adrift struggling and once again not know where to turn or what to do. I’m still taking deep breaths and sorting my thoughts when I hear Drew shift. He’s leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and he’s watching me so intently, so reverently? That doesn’t make sense, but there is definitely something encouraging in his eyes that spurs me to just blurt it out and get it over with. His presence is calming me and giving me courage. I can do this. I decide to just spit out the worst part before I chicken out.
“A year ago, I was blackmailed by an NCAA coach to throw the championship game…and I did.”
DREW
I physically startle at Sam’s revelation. She does not strike me as a woman that would allow herself to be manipulated like that. Obviously, I need to let her explain the details and give her the benefit of the doubt. I know I’ve barely known her, but right from the start she came across as strong and she didn’t give a shit what anyone else thought. She was nobody’s doormat. That was evident when we first met at the rink and she didn’t let me push her around. This woman is strong as hell so this had to be a huge event for her to compromise her integrity. I am already angry at the asshole that did this to her and she hasn’t even told the story yet. I want to punch someone and that is a feeling I haven’t felt for a very long time, which shocks me. I’m having all kinds of feelings and I don’t even know the details. I need to control myself and let Sam get it all out there and help the best I can.
I take a breath and shuffle closer to the edge of the couch, and reaching out to take her hand. I hold her hand and softly stroke across her knuckles, encouraging her to keep talking. I need to hear this as much as she needs to unburden it.
She takes a shaky breath and keeps talking, “I had started dating, if you want to call it that, a coach on the varsity team. I thought he was perfect and we had a future. Turns out that was not what was happening at all. He was using me for sex, but he had an end game. He was smooth, I’ll give him that. I had no idea what he was up to. For three months, we had the perfect relationship. He brought me flowers randomly, would show up at the physio clinic and bring me my favourite coffee. Doting in public. Everything to make me and other girls swoon. Throw in his good looks, and there was no way I could turn him down. What I didn’t know was that he was using me.”
She takes a few deep breaths and squeezes my hand tighter. Her voice gets so soft I have to scoot closer to hear her.
“I let him take pictures of me when we had sex. It was a playful, heat of the moment type thing. It happened a few times, and it was hot. Who was I to say to no? He promised to delete them each time, but he didn’t. He saved all of them.”
A ball of dread builds in my gut as I sense where this story is going. I move beside her on the couch and place a hand on her back, rubbing in small circles. She keeps squeezing my hand and tears start to slowly roll down her face. My heart is breaking for her. I just want to take away all the hurt and betrayal. I want to hurt this man for making this happen to her. I want to break him.
She looks up at me and takes a giant breath, with a shaky voice she continues, “One day, he came to my apartment unannounced, which was not unusual, but this time he had the team’s head coach with him, which I thought was really odd. His whole demeanor changed, and he was just…ugly. They sat in my apartment on my furniture and threatened me. He had all the photos he’d taken of me on a memory card. He and the other coach said if I didn’t officiate the championship game favouring their team, they would take the pics to the media and the dean of the school. I’d likely lose my job since it was a clinic tied to the school and be stripped of my officiating qualifications, not to mention be humiliated. I’d be pushed out of hockey all together. The implications were huge for my future. I had two days to make a choice. I didn’t want to jeopardize everything I had worked toward. I didn’t want my grandfather to see these photos. I didn’t want anyone to know I had even been put in such a situation.”
“After years of always doing the right and honourable thing, I took the cowardly way out and threw the game. I turned a blind eye to the most blatant penalties and I called soft ones against the other team. I even tossed a player out on an unsportsmanlike penalty because he called me a bitch, which was the only penalty in the whole game I felt good about calling. When the game ended I didn’t even shower or speak with the other officials, I just changed and left. One of the linesmen asked me if I needed to talk about anything, but I just ran. It already looked like I may have favoured the home team on purpose. That’s what I didn’t realize. I put my own reputation in jeopardy with my performance. I was investigated by the league and suspended. While I still kept my job at the clinic on campus, I decided to leave because I was embarrassed. All the whispering and talking behind my back, I couldn’t handle it. My suspension also made sure I was black-listed. So, I withdrew from it, I would never be able to regain the stature I had before. I had essentially fallen from grace and lost everything while he got his championship and went on to his hockey career like nothing happened. No matter what decision I made, I was going to lose.”
She leaned forward and drained her cooler quickly with a few gulps. “Can we get more of these? If I have to keep talking, I’m going to need it.”
I silently went to get us each a new drink. My mind was spinning trying to figure out why she wouldn’t have tried to go to the dean herself and who this mysterious man was that put her in this position. I needed to know so I could track him down. He deserved to experience every ounce of misery just like Sam had. I felt possessive and angry like I never had before and that was making me have a bit of panic of my own. How could I make sure she never had to live through this again or meet this pathetic excuse of a man somewhere down the road and have a repeat performance? Cowards like that always tried to come back.
I returned to the living room to find Sam now standing, looking out the window to the pasture. She looked so small and I wanted to wrap her up and keep her safe in my arms forever. But first I had to ask what I needed to know.
I cleared my throat, but my voice still came out all raspy. “Will you tell me who this piece of shit that calls himself a man is? This so-called man that abused the trust of a beautiful, vibrant woman for his own good and broke her spirit?”
SAM
When Drew came back with our drinks and asked me who the man was that did this to me, I couldn’t really focus on his question because he called me beautiful. His voice sounded so possessive and full of heat and want my mind focused on that. Nobody had called me beautiful in a very long time.
“You think I’m beautiful?” I whispered.
He placed our drinks on the coffee table and walked up to me. Reaching out with his hand he tucked my hair behind my ears before settling his hands on my waist, gently pulling me closer to him. My heart was racing and my mouth felt very dry. The way he was looking at me said all kinds of naughty thoughts were on his mind. But his eyes were also soft and trusting. I needed my brain to catch up and tell my body to not be so interested in how his hands felt on me. I didn’t need to make another bad decision.
“Sam, I’ve thought you were beautiful from the first time I saw you on the ice two days ago. I thought you were beautiful when you stood in my room looking at me in shock. I thought you were beautiful when you were having a panic attack earlier today and I think you are beautiful right now pouring out your soul and sharing one of your darkest moments with me. You have a beautiful soul and a beautiful face and I want to wrap you up forever and protect you from all this hurt. I want you to share your beautiful with me.”
He gently pulls me closer to him, holding me against his broad chest. I turn my head and rest my cheek against him, breathing in his scent. His touch is calming and my anxiety is dissipating after I just spilled the blackest moment of my life to him. He holds me against him for a few moments before I feel his hands slide into my hair, pulling my head back to look at him. My body is set on fire seeing the look in his eyes right now. Nobody has ever looked at me like that.
He lowers his head beside my ear and his hot breath across my neck sends shivers through my whole body. He places a gentle kiss on my neck, making my knees buckle. Drew holds me in place and kisses me. Gently, and with such tenderness it takes my breath away. He leans his forehead against mine and asks again.
“Who was it, Sam? Who did this to you?”
“Why does it matter, Drew? If I tell you, what will you do?” I clutch at his chest and bunch his T-shirt in my hands.
“I don’t really know what I will do, but I know one thing. I would never let him close to you again, and if I could make him suffer I would.”
