Page 16 of Off Side
SAM
All I remember is taking the envelope out of Mr. Burns’ hand and leaving his office. I’m in a daze. I somehow manage to make my way out of the office to outside. I’m gulping in fresh air like a fish out of water. I did not expect to hear all of that. I also did not expect my own grandfather to hang me out to dry with a total stranger. I’m to help a man I barely know love hockey again and face my inadequacies head on while taking over coaching a hockey team. Yep, no problem. I got this. I can so do this.
A wave of despair crashes into me. I so don’t have this.
How can I handle it all when I can barely face it? I’ve got my own problems to face and now I’m supposed to help guide a ridiculously good-looking man that I’m already starting to lean on, back to hockey. I’m to guide a team of young boys on the verge of manhood to a fulfilling hockey experience for the rest of this year, oh and reveal my naked soul and biggest transgression to a complete stranger. If I don’t comply, I lose everything I’ve ever known and held dear. Including my own donkey. What a fucking fuck, fuck, fuck!
I’m about to start kicking a poor defenseless block of cement when I feel a big hand on my arm. It’s Drew. Shit, I flaked out on him and left him in the lawyer’s office.
“Sam, don’t do it. Those are your favourite shoes that aren’t fuzzy, and they don’t deserve it.”
I laugh out loud and turn to him. He’s smiling shyly, hoping he distracted me.
“You’re right, they don’t deserve the abuse. Thanks for the heads up.”
“Do you want to maybe go home and wrap our heads around all of this?”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “Let’s get this shit show started and see if I can’t ruin both of our lives in the process.” I turn to walk to the truck, but he pulls me by the arm.
“Don’t write us off before we even try, Sam. Let’s…ah fuck, let’s just get home and talk.”
He turns and gets into the truck and buckles in.
I get in and stare out the window as he drives us back home. For some reason I’m freaked out to disclose all my baggage to him. I have to get him into hockey again and he needs me to stop running. What if he hears all my problems and runs the other the way because I’m not worth it? Maybe he can just pursue his dreams somewhere else and cut himself free of this regardless of how I go on. What if I’m the cause of his own future plans failing? I don’t think I could live with myself if I ruined his life. So, that’s my dilemma isn’t it? Finally let someone in and face my issues or leave again and this time have no place to return to for shelter because Grandpa is gone and this house, the one I call home, will be sold.
Fuck. My. Life.
DREW
We drive in silence and I’m sure Sam is giving herself a good mental fuck because I can see her hands clenching and unclenching and her breathing increasing. This has to be a lot for her to process. She has to bare her inner soul to me and hope I can help her. While it is my job as a therapist, this seems to make me exceptionally nervous because the two of us are so entwined together.
While I have to get involved with hockey again, my part sounds easy, but it’s actually going to be difficult. I put up my walls against the hockey team to protect myself from all the unhappiness it caused me in the past. I wanted a clean break from it and a way to move forward. It’s easier than what Sam has to go through in my mind. We both have to face these internal demons, but while I have something to gain from it, she has everything to lose, and that’s just fucked up.
Then there’s the part that we have some crazy hot insta-attraction thing going on and I flashed her the goods. That could make things awkward for sure if I’m supposed to get her to trust me. But I did get her out of her anxiety attack in the truck earlier so I will take that as a win. She also said this morning she would be willing to talk to me after I left her the note with the luggage. So maybe we can do this. A man can hope, that’s for sure.
I’ve pulled into the driveway now and we’ve both been lost in our thoughts. When I kill the engine Sam still hasn’t moved or spoken. I reach over to caress her knee like last time in case she needs that and she jumps.
“Wow, I really spaced out, I didn’t realize we were home already.” She gives a small laugh that is nowhere near sincere and hops out of the truck. In her haste to get out she’s dropped the folder of papers and they scatter in the yard. I run around to help her pick them up and she’s crying. Huge tears are running down her face as she’s trying to pick up the papers and wave off my help. She’s sniffling and hiccoughing and she can’t even form words. Seeing her like this has the last granite wall around my heart falling down. I quickly grab all the papers and shove them into the folder and her laptop bag. We’re both on our knees in the middle of the yard and she’s crying so much it breaks my heart. I reach my hands out, placing them on her cheeks and try to wipe away some of the tears with my thumbs, but there are too many.
“Baby, it’s okay, we can make this work, don’t cry, please. I’ve got you, we can do this.” I’m cooing to her like I talk to the horses in the hopes my voice will calm the panic that has to be raging through her. It’s working slightly, but she still hasn’t said anything. She’s looking at me like I’m her only friend and I’m about to leave forever. Suddenly, I’m thrown off guard as she holds my face with both hands the same way I’m holding her and kisses me.
At first, it’s a tender soft kiss, then her tongue is touching my lips asking permission and I’m not about to say no. I open to give her access and we quickly go from a kiss saying thanks to a kiss saying please take me home and do wicked things with me. It’s hot, sloppy and full of want. I angle my head to deepen the kiss, one of us groans and I think it’s me. I’ve moved my hands to hold her head where I want her and the other to the small of her back pressing her into me.
We finally break apart and we’re breathing like we just did suicide sprints on the ice for half an hour. We stare at each other, neither of us knowing what to do next, until a loud donkey honk makes us jump and look towards the barn. Jack is staring at us and it appears like I’m getting the stink eye from him. Almost. Sam let’s go first and tries to pull away, but I pull her back to me and kiss her gently on the forehead, resting my head on hers.
“This isn’t over, Sam. Let’s get inside and talk before that jackass has anything else to say and interrupts again.”
She laughs, but fires back, “That jackass is one of my best friends, I will have you know. His approval means everything to me.”
You have to be kidding me. To top it all off I have to prove myself to a fucking donkey if I want the girl? I most definitely want the girl, but that donkey is going to be a pain in my real ass.
