Page 116 of The Surprise
“I know.”
Why did my simple statement make Aunt Donna look like an advertisement for people who need Prozac? She’s grinning so much she looks entirely bonkers.
“You can have our gift,” Aiden says, “to keep for yourself, if we can put our name on yours.”
Their gift? What’s he talking about? Why would they want to put their name on my gift? And if they do, I have to tell them what it is, and then I have to answer questions about how I got it.
Ugh.
“Yes, what he said,” Aunt Donna says. “Look howcuteour gift is. Will said it looked like a baby Tasmanian devil.” She does some weird thing with her hands that might be a reference to a really old movie or something? Once I stop trying to figure out what she’s doing, I notice what she’s holding.
I can’t tell what it is, exactly, but it’s not cute. “What in the world is that?” I lean closer, hoping I can figure out what it is, but now that I’m closer, the face is even uglier. It’s creepier than the weird dolls my grandma collects. Its face freaks me out and without thinking, I flick it away. The bizarre blue blob somersaults across the table and lands right in front of the trash can. “Quick. Someone shove it in there and tie the bag.” Then maybe I’ll still be able to go to sleep tonight.
“If we feed it after midnight, we’ll all be in trouble,” Will says. “Or if it gets wet, right?”
“Shut up,” Aunt Donna says. “What did you get that’s so much better, anyway?”
“Literally anything would be better than that,” I say. But that feels kind of mean. Seriously, though, what was she thinking? She’s usually so competent. “I can’t believe you bought a little stuffed animal.”
“It’s not the only thing I bought, but it’s the only thing that arrived.”
“Still, what were you thinking?” I can’t help shaking my head.
“The ad for it confused me,” Aunt Donna says. “The kids playing with it were having so much fun.”
“Withthat?” I can’t even imagine anyone playing with it. What do you do with it? Chuck it at other kids’ heads?
“It didn’t look like that in the ad,” Aunt Donna says. “But stop changing the subject. What’s your gift?”
Oh, no. We’re back on that? I thought we’d successfully changed gears. “No way.”
“Those crooks on Amazon charged me thirty dollars for that monstrosity,” Aunt Donna says, circling toward me like a cheetah.
“Oh, man,” Will says. “I can’t believe you paid thirty bucks for that.” He’s not being weird, at least. He sits down on the sofa and crosses his arms. “If we don’t have a gift, then I’m not going either.”
“I also bought a box of diapers.” Aunt Donna points at a relatively small pack of diapers. “But I don’t see you with anything, so don’t blame this all on me.”
“I’m a guy. It’s a given that my date’s going to pick out a gift for us both. If you want cash, I’m always happy to contribute.”
I see my window and try to take it. I have a car. I don’t have to go with them. I slide back quietly, and I’m about to duck into my room when. . .
“Where are you going, Beth?” Stupid Aiden and his big mouth.
“She’s trying to hide.” Aunt Donna takes another step in my direction. “Just tell us what’s in the bag, Beth.” She starts moving faster.
I do what anyone would do. I move away from the person who’s almost chasing me now. “What are you going to do about it?”
My aunt calls in the big guns. “Will.”
He hops up like a well-trained golden retriever, and pretty soon they’re all chasing me like I’m the last iPad at Target on Black Friday. I cannotexplain why I don’t want to cut them in. Aunt Donna’s being a total lunatic, but my heart’s racing so fast I can’t think. Aiden’s acting like we’re on an Easter egg hunt, and Will looks like he’d be happy to take any exit off this freeway to Crazy Town.
“Just show me,” Aunt Donna finally wheezes. “Holding it up is stupid. It’s basically eye level for Will, right?”
Will sees his chance and shifts to his tiptoes immediately, eyeing my bag from which all the tissue has jumped ship. “It’s a blanket!”
For some reason Aunt Donna looks even more agitated. “But you can’t knit!”
“It’s definitely a blanket,” Will says. “And a cute one, too. Blue clouds with little gold stars in between them.”
