Page 114 of The Surprise
“I mean, far be it from me to shoo you off when I never have company, but I’d hate to think you were avoiding going because you can’t decide what to tell a certain someone who will be there.”
Even the thought of Ethan makes me nervous.
“You like him.” Dolores looks so dang smug. “An awful lot.”
“But—”
“No. Even I’m tired of hearing you say that he’s too good for you. Just go to the shower and tell him you’d like to date.”
“He’ll want to know what I’m doing about the baby, and I don’t know yet.”
I’ve made my mind up a dozen times.
I’ve decided to keep it. And then the next morning, I’ll wake up in a cold sweat, terrified. Then I decide I should probably put it up for adoption. That feels right. It feels smart. It feels safer. And then before I go to bed, I’ll think about whether it’s a boy or girl, and I’ll wonder, and I’ll think about how tiny his or her hands will be, and I’ll decide I need to keep it.
Lather.
Rinse.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
I have no idea what to tell Ethan that I want to do, so I have no idea what to say at all. Which means that I’ve continued to avoid talking to him. I do look at his photo every night and wish that this baby would have his eyes. Or his smile. Or his hair. Or his mouth.
It’s strange that I care so much about someone I’ve never even dated. He’s the only person who knows I’m pregnant, except Dolores.
“I think he said he’d stand by your side no matter what you decided,” Dolores says. “Didn’t he?”
I nod.
“Then you don’t need to know what you’re doing with the baby. You just need to know what you want to do with him.”
The ‘do with him’ part sounds almost. . .naughty. And it makes me think thoughts I should not be thinking, which makes me blush, which makes Dolores smile.
“Go to the baby shower,” she says. “Because we both know what you want to tell him.” She leans closer. “Just do it. You’ve tried telling him to stay away, and it never worked. For once, believe what he’s saying. It’s not about whatyouthink about you. It’s whathethinks about you that matters.”
I realize that she’s right.
All this time, I’ve been thinking that somehow I tricked him. That one day he’ll wake up and realize I’m a disaster, and then I’ll be more wrecked because I’ve come to rely on him. But I can’t live my life not doing things because I’m afraid. If I have a baby of my own, I’d tell them to do the opposite of what I’ve been doing.
“Okay.” I stand up. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”
“If you’re busy after tomorrow, too busy to come by, I’ll understand.” I’ve gotten to know her well enough to know that’s true, but I also know she’d be sad. It was a strange twist of fate that brought Dolores Jenkins into my life. Frankly, meeting Ethan was weird too. On that first day we met, it was literally so that my aunt could spy on them and my dad could steal from them. And yet, here we are.
I met Ethan at my family’s worst, and he loves me.
I met Dolores at my personal low point, and now she’s a dear friend. A bizarre friend, but a friend nonetheless.
“Ooh, wait,” she says. “Take this with you.” She presses another baby blanket into my hands. It’s a soft blue with white fluffy clouds and tiny gold stars.
“You already gave me several blankets,” I say.
“Those were my nicest ones,” Dolores says, “so I figured you might want to keep them if, you know, well.” Her face is almost embarrassed. “But you need something for the baby shower, don’t you?”
The shower that’s for the guy I like’smother? For, well, maybe for my future brother-in-law? Ohmygosh. That baby could be my brother-in-law, and if Ethan and I got married, our babies would be almost the same age. It’s so weird. “Um, yes. I need something amazing.”
