You don’t know what she is.
She knew.
And I know what I am.
Sitri left. No explanation. Likely reporting me to Morin, and I can’t even blame him.How will they end me? Hanging? I see that noose wrapping around Sitri’s mother’s throat, cinching tight before she swings. Nausea roils within me, and I gag. Magic? Publicly? Poison?
Poison. Poison. Poison.
The word echoes in my head like a fading heartbeat. No matter how they try to put me down, the daemon will react. Possibly kill someone else. Possibly kill Sitri. I already almost did.
I know what to do. The safest option. The only option. Syra flashes in my mind, but I fling her away. “You were wrong!” I choke out. Wrong, wrong, so fucking wrong. I should’ve let the Grand Prioress and the Priest kill me long ago. Put me in the ground and leave me there. Then, none of this would’ve ever happened.
Besides, she probably already thinks I’m long dead. But my heart batters in my chest. Harder and harder and harder. My body flashes hot, then cold as I pull the vial from the shelf, uncork it, and press the cold glass to my lips.
Gasp.
Gasp again.
The daemon surges out of me with my convulsing breaths, splintering floorboards and fracturing the walls. I lower the vial, clutching it tightly in my hand as I pace the chambers, trying to talk myself out of it.
No.
Trying to work up the nerve.
Is it going to hurt? Don’t be a fucking pansy, Pandora. I slap my cheek.You know pain.Slap.You’ve been dealing with pain for years.Slap.I think you can handle a few more fucking minutes.Slap.I accept that raw stinging sliding over my cheek.Slap.Relish it. Slap.
Would you really rather have a public execution?
No.
That’s your fucking option, Pandora. Pick it now while you have the chance.
I shove the vial to my mouth, dig it into my lipsand sob.Shrill cries that pierce the empty room until my whole body quakes. I lower the vial and survey the empty chambers, the place that’s become my home. No, the place I’ve been imprisoned to. Should I…leave a note? Saying what?
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.I dig my nails into my cheek as if I could push the tears back in.You. Are. Dangerous.Sitri will have to deal with the body.
Sitri.
My heart cracks open,bleeds. Don’t get fucking sentimental, Pandora. This is a favor. You’re doing him a favor.
I’m doing this for him. So he can be safe from me.
I breathe raggedly as I press the vial to my lips.Do it.My hands shake.Do it.I press it harder to my mouth.Do it.I tilt my head back.Do it.
JUST FUCKING DO IT.
The liquid spills into my mouth, and I force it down with a gulp. It doesn’t go down easy, my throat fighting against it. I expect fire and burning, but it’s only faintly bitter. For a moment everything calms with the decision behind me. The chambers turn serene. Cheery. Even the daemon dwindles in relief. It’ll be over soon.
Done.
And then the door comes barreling open. The vial is flung out of my hand. It hits the wall. Shatters. Splashing its rusted brown contents down the wallpaper. His chest is heaving, like he’s sprinted here, and his face is both horrified and accusing. Like he already knows.He knows.
“I’m sorry,” I squeak out.I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
“Did you swallow it?” I shrivel as he bounds toward me. Fear slices me as he shakes at my shoulders. “DIDYOUFUCKINGSWALLOW IT?”
