“That night I saw you and her coming out of that room at the Halloween party. Did something happen that night?
“No! I told you repeatedly that nothing happened. We went in there to talk because I couldn’t hear with the music. You seriously think I did something with her?”
“Now that I know your history I’m not sure. You and I weren’t sleeping together back then, so maybe you turned to Ava to meet your needs.”
He runs his hand through his hair and stares down at the floor. “That’s real nice, Jade. Good to know you think so highly of me.”
“Well, I didn’t think you were the type of person who would have sex at 15 either. But you did. With three different girls!” The sex word comes out just fine that time. Probably because I’m so angry.
“Yeah. And people never change, right, Jade? They never grow up? So you’re the same now as you were when you were 15? Or is your logic just true for me?”
“I’m sick of finding this shit out about you, Garret! From other people instead of you. Why won’t you just tell me about your past? Have you slept with other girls at this school? Like Sierra? You went to homecoming with her, so I assume that’s a yes.”
His gaze remains on the floor. “I didn’t sleep with Sierra.”
“Then who else did you sleep with?”
“It doesn’t matter.” He says it slowly, his jaw clenched. “Just stop this.”
“At that party we went to, Shafer said you’d slept with half the girls there. I thought he was kidding, but for all I know he was telling the truth.”
Garret looks up. “So now you’re believing a guy you hardly know who was so fucking drunk he could barely stand up?”
“He went to high school with you, so he knows more about your dating history than I do.”
Garret sighs. “You need to let this go. It’s the past. It’s over. And I can’t go back and change it.”
We both get quiet. And as we stand there in silence I’m overcome with a mix of emotions and thoughts I don’t fully understand. I love Garret so damn much and yet I want to punish him and that fills me with guilt and pain—emotions I know far too well and do everything to avoid. So then I get angry at Garret, because the reason I’m feeling this way is because he withheld stuff from me. Again.
I finally speak. “I want a list.”
“A list of what?”
“A list of everyone you’ve slept with. I don’t want any more surprises.”
He shakes his head as he folds his arms across his chest. “No. Forget it. That won’t help. It’ll just make it worse.”
“You asked me what I wanted and I’m telling you. I want a list. Write it up tonight and give it to me tomorrow.”
“I promise you, Jade. It won’t make you feel any better. You’ll be even more pissed off than you are right now.”
“Why? Do I know any of the girls on this list?” He doesn’t answer, which infuriates me even more. “I’m not going out with you again until you give me the list.”
My heart is pounding in my chest and my brain is screaming at me to stop this. To take a minute to think about what I’m asking. But all rational thought goes to hell when I’m this angry. The old Jade comes creeping back, the one who trusts no one and will do anything to just make these feelings go away. And she refuses to listen to the part of me that knows this is wrong.
Garret stands there, not saying a word. He’s just looking at me with such intensity that it’s like he’s trying to get in my head and force me to change my mind.
When I don’t back down, he storms out of my room, slamming the door behind him.
* * *
The next dayGarret avoids me, which is good because we both need to cool off before seeing other again. After dinner, I go to Harper’s room to tell her the Ava story. She’s been staying with Sean since all this happened so I haven’t been able to talk to her until now.
“So he slept with her,” Harper says. “He was 15. Guys are like animals at that age. They don’t think about anything but sex. And once they get it, they’ll take it from anyone. If Ava offered it to him, I’m not surprised he did it with her, especially if he was drunk at the time.”
“But he didn’t tell me about it! I’m almost more angry about that than the fact that he slept with her. Wouldn’t you be mad if Sean didn’t tell you about his past like that?”
“No. I don’t want to know about the other girls he’s been with. And I don’t want him knowing about the guys I’ve been with. It’s the past. It doesn’t matter.”
