Yeah, I would. I scrubbed my face with my hands. I wouldn’t be living in Mission City full-time. My law practice was still in the city, after all. But I’d be able to spend most weekends up in my mountain retreat.
My heart sped up at the idea.
Which was weird, because I should’ve been coming down after that mind-blowing orgasm. Best in almost—
Nope. Not going to put Thea down. She was good in bed. At least when she came to it.We’d had separate beds—
Pain seized me.
And not for the dissolution of my marriage.
Something hurt. Really hurt. In my chest.
It’s nothing. You’re a thirty-nine-year-old healthy man. You run. You lift weights. You take care of yourself. This is just…a panic attack. A realization that your life as you’ve known it is over. Celebrate that. Something new and better will come along.
Just not the guy with the control issues.
I tried to stand. With the slippery tile and the residual lube, I couldn’t get a grip.
Right. Nothing to do with the fact you’re lightheaded and your chest still hurts.
Nope. Not that.
I eased myself onto my knees, crawled to the side of the shower where the handle was, and used it to slowly raise myself. Despite the dizziness, I turned enough to get the flow going down my crack. I washed away the last of the lube, thanking the substance for having allowed me such pleasure. Because anal without lube was a hell I wasn’t willing to contemplate.
After I shut off the water, I stood for a moment to catch my breath.
Catch my breath.
When had I ever been out of breath except after a good workout? Or a good bout of hot’n’sweaty sex? Not even when I’d held each niece and nephew after they’d been born had I lost my breath. Even with the ripping inside my chest, the pain had been metaphorical.
Not literal.
You could have adopted. Plenty of kids needing—
Nope. Wasn’t going there either. Thea only wanted her own biological kids. Bringing in a child of my heart wouldn’t likely have swayed her. As it stood, most of my siblings had named me guardian of their children—should anything happen to them. That would change now I was a single man. They probably all believed Thea would’ve made a good mother.
More fool them.
My heart slowed a bit.
Just got overheated. Look at the steam.You look like a lobster.
Yeah, I did look rather…red. I exited the shower, grabbed a towel and then, after a wave of dizziness hit, I dropped onto the toilet seat.
My ass protested.
Fuck off.
Slowly, I toweled myself dry. Taking my time. Making certain I didn’t raise my heart rate again.
So weird.
You think? I wanted to shout at my inner voice. Of course, it was weird. Everything was weird these days. All the things that had centered me for years were gone. I was unmoored. My anchor had been yanked up. I was adrift.
Enough with the sailing metaphors. What the fuck are you going to do?
Well…get into bed. Most especially because I hadn’t brought pajamas. Not that I used them anyway. I loved slipping between cool, clean sheets at night and having nothing against my skin.
