Page 37 of This Time Around
I held up my hand.“I don’t want to talk about last night anymore.”
“There was nothing wrong with that either, you know.”
“I was drunk.”
“You wanted something for yourself and there’s nothing wrong with it.”
“Cooper—” I stopped talking when he touched me.
He took my hand in his and held it firmly.
“You weren’t ready last night, and I should have moved away.I don’t think you’re ready at all, and I’m not saying when you are ready I’m the man you should come to.Don’t misunderstand me, Rebecca, I’m not standing here trying to get you to act on an impulse or anything.But last night you wanted something for yourself and I just want you to know, before you twist it in your head into something ugly or wrong, there’s no need to feel guilty for wanting someone.He’s gone, he’s not coming back, and I’m sorry about that for you, but there’s no betrayal in moving on, or finding something — or someone — good for you again.I just think you need to hear that.”
He dropped my hand and walked around me, sliding onto his ATV.
I stood still, processing everything he said at the same time trying to forget them.He was right and he was wrong.
The problem was, I didn’t feel guilt for wanting to kiss him.The guilt came from wanting to do it again.
Thunder rattled my windows.The storm moved in and we were now under a Severe Thunderstorm Warning.Our entire county was covered in red on the map on the television screen.A thunderstorm was about the only time I had to watch television, so that’s what I was doing.
When we returned to the barn, Cooper made quick work of putting his ATV away, hanging up his key and leaving the barn telling me he was headed to his place.
I moved to the horses and took Gray out for exercise until the occasional raindrops fell more frequently.
Darn Kansas weather.Rain hadn’t even been in the forecast earlier in the week, but we needed it, so I wasn’t complaining.The river banks along the backstretch of our main two hundred acres were running incredibly low for this time of year.
I spent the day working inside, going over statements and inputting records from the calves, and the heifers who would be giving birth in the fall.I had to keep track of every animal, and the health of all of them, in order to ensure the proper ones went to market so I could get the most money for each head.
Then I spent time cleaning, a task I avoided as much as possible.Unfortunately, my black shelving and TV stand looked gray from the dust and I couldn’t put it off any longer.
And all day, through all of it, Cooper’s words rattled in my brain so often that more than once I looked over my shoulder to see if he snuck up on me.
Nothing wrong with taking time for you.
It’s not a crime to heal.
All of it pounded against my skull like the thunder making the windows shake.
I took a sip of my wine and tried to focus on the current medical drama on the television.
Cooper had invaded my head.He was taking up residence in parts of my mind I’d reserved only for Joseph.
It made my skin itch, like a bug bite that got worse every time you scratched it.
That was Cooper…a new mosquito bite just starting to itch.
The medical drama ended, the show changed, and all of a sudden, a photo of Cooper was on my screen.
Freaking hell.I couldn’t escape him.
I reached to click off the television but the voice over on the program stopped me.“Camilla Rinaldi will be on next, giving us an exclusive peek into her life with the three-time Emmy Award Winner, discussing where she went wrong, and how she’s desperate to fix it so her husband will come home to her.”
Husband.The word slammed into my chest.
Cooper Hawke was still a married man, and I’d moved to kiss him.
“How did I become this person?”I took another sip of my drink and pushed off the couch.
