Page 95 of His to Seduce
She shot me a look full of chagrin and remorse. “Sophomore year of college, we were all out at a bar, and you were back at the dorms, studying. I don’t remember why, but that night it bothered us that we were partying and having fun and you always refused to join us.”
“I had a scholarship to maintain.”
“I know.” She shrugged and stepped closer. A step filled with caution that sent warning flares to my nerves. “But it still bothered us, and well, Suzanne was drunk. Really drunk. She told us what happened to you and then swore us to secrecy.”
Blood rushed from my face and I stepped backward, away from my friend. Away from Chelsea, who had known about Evan foryearsand never said a word? Or Paige? How could Suzanne say something and then not tell me? How could none of them say anything?
“I…” I couldn’t speak. Betrayal and anger suffused my veins and made that warning flare burn bright.
“It was so long ago,” Chelsea explained, staying far away from me. “And I’m so sorry, but you never talked about it. For years, I had hoped you would, that you’d trust us enough with all the parts that made youyou.After Cory left me, I finally realized that it wasn’t about trust with you; it was just you never wanting to admit it.”
“I can’t believe this.”
“I get it,” she said. “I do, in a way that many others might not, because I feel my own shame. It was the hardest thing to do to admit I might not be able to give a man a family someday, that in the end, that was really why Cory left, because I was just half a woman and he wanted a whole, working one.”
“Chelsea—” Cory was an asshole. He left because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. He didn’t deserve Chelsea in the first place.
She kept speaking like I hadn’t tried to stop her. “But you’re forgetting something, the most important part of everything you’ve experienced.”
At my silence, she walked to me quickly, moving in front of me before I could skitter backward, away from her kindness and her compassion and everything else I admired but that was making my skin itch.
“You’re forgetting that you survived,” she stated, and curled her hands around my shoulders. “You’re forgetting that in all of your embarrassment in thinking that you had done something to gain Evan’s attention, that you did something to make him think you wanted him in that way when you couldn’t have because you were just a child, you’re forgetting that yousurvived.You fought and you made it and you were free, and because of you…because of your willingness to help the police, he’s never been able to hurt another person.”
“Stop.” Every word lashed through my already broken heart.
It had been another week since I hadn’t talked to David. Another week where I fell asleep every night wishing I could be the woman he needed, a woman who could return everything to him that he gave so freely.
Every time Chelsea spoke, my chest ached until it felt like my heart could launch right out of me.
“Don’t you get it, Camden? You have nothing to feel ashamed about. That man was a predator and you were a child, and when you could have surrendered to him, you not only fought back, youwon.”
My body trembled. “I didn’t.”
“You didn’t?” Her hands squeezed. She shook me like she was trying to knock sense into me. “You didn’t stab a man who tried to rape you? You didn’t call for help and tell the police everything? You didn’t meet with lawyers afterward, several times, in order to ID Evan and then sit there reliving every moment you went through in order to put him behind bars?”
“My mom—”
“No. Don’t you get it?Youdid it. You survived and you fought and yet somehow, you refuse to see how absolutely amazing you are. How strong you are, how you come from a shitty, shitty trailer and what some people would think was no hope for a future, and you’ve carved it yourself, with blood and sweat and determination, and you’ve surrounded yourself with a group of friends who love you more than you can possibly imagine, and it’s in partbecausewe see you. All of you. After we learned what happened to you even if we weren’t supposed to know, and every day since then…we’ve beenhonoredto call you a friend.”
My body turned to ice and I stood there, unable to speak.
Chelsea didn’t give me the chance, anyway. “Don’t you see? David sees everything, absolutely everything in you, and him knowing the truth and all your fears will only make him love you more.”
“You suck,” I sobbed, wiping tears from my cheeks, but grinning.
“Yeah, well, you didn’t let me feel sorry for myself, and I’m done watching you do the same. You’re better than this.”
Sweet love to tough love. She pulled me to her chest and hugged me tight, wrapped warmth around my body and it seeped deep inside, warming me in all the places I’d long since thought were dead and buried.
“I hate you,” I muttered, my voice muffled by her hair and the strength of her embrace.
“Yeah, but you love me a little bit, too, so I’ll think about that part first.” She pulled back and smiled. “Now, tomorrow we’re having Suzanne’s bridal shower at my place, so I expect to see you there and I expect you to show up happy and smiling and moving on.”
“I will. Thanks, Chelsea. If I had known you knew…You’re right, it wasn’t about trust.”
She shushed me. “I know. But now you know that there’s nothing left to hide. Not from me, from Paige…or from David.”
“He’ll be there.” The shower was a couples shower. I was certain the men would mostly sit out on the back deck, grilling and drinking beers, while we sipped on punch and showered Suzanne with enough gifts to fill her house with piles of baby paraphernalia.
“And he’s looking forward to seeing you. Trust me, he’s a hot mess, too.”
My heart hurt at her words, knowing I was hurting him when I’d never wanted to. For the last two weeks, I’d been a zombie. I hadn’t found comfort in Sal’s cribbage games or banana bread. I hadn’t found a new job yet. Learning David was just as miserable didn’t make me happy; it made me ache.
When I climbed into bed that night, I pulled a pillow close to me, inhaling the scent of his cologne, and for the first night in weeks, I didn’t fall asleep with tears in my eyes, but with hope blossoming deep in my heart.
