Page 94 of His to Cherish
“Aidan—” I started, but he cut me off.
“I took Mandy to the cemetery.”
Oh. I closed my eyes, sadness filling my pores. My chin wobbled. I hated that he’d had to go there, that he’d had to explain everything to her. Most of all, I hated that I hadn’t been able to be there for him.
Damn it. I still loved him.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He lifted a hand and reached up, pressing his thumb to my chin until I was forced to look directly into his eyes. “It was good, I think. I hadn’t been back, and while it completely sucked to take Mandy, to show her, and tell her what happened, I think it helped. Anyway, I’ve spent the week cleaning out his room, visiting Shane. I’m a wreck, Chelsea. I know I am, and I have a long way to go, but there was one thing I kept thinking the entire time I was working.”
The way he looked at me made it clear what that thought was. My skin heated in response when his hand moved from my chin to my cheek, his thumb brushing along my skin.
“Are you going to ask me what I was thinking?”
I licked my lips. My heart fluttered inside my chest, butterflies flapped in my stomach, and my whole body was buzzing with the adrenaline that always flowed when he stood so close to me. Touching me made it worse.
“I was thinking,” he whispered, his voice rough and slightly wobbly, “it would have been so much easier if you were there, helping me.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t.”
He was closer now, our bodies almost touching and our breath mingling in the small space between our lips. My eyes darted to the track below us to check that no one was paying attention to us. But that didn’t mean we should be here.
I leaned back.
Aidan smiled fleetingly, as if he knew why, but his hand pressed more firmly against my cheek, holding my attention.
“I know you are, and you would have been able to help me through it. But I had to do it on my own, to know that I could. Even though I wanted to call you every hour of every day and demand that you help me, or demand that you go home so I didn’t have to deal with it at all. But that isn’t fair to you, and I won’t do that to you anymore.”
My brow creased at the admission. I slid my eyes away, this time in pain, because how could he do this? How could he touch me in a way that said he wanted me but with his words tell me he didn’t?
“Chelsea,” he said, bringing my attention back to him. “I’ve done this all wrong with you.”
I swallowed a knot in my throat, pain lancing my heart at his words.
“I haven’t even taken you on a proper date yet.”
Wait. “What?” My eyes widened.
A slight quirk of his lips, a crinkling around his eyes, and suddenly, for the first time since I’d been around Aidan, he seemed playful…happy, almost.
“I know. I’ve totally messed this up and I intend to correct that, if you’re willing to give me a chance.”
“But you just said you didn’t want to be with me anymore.”
“No, I said I didn’t want to use you anymore so I could avoid reality. Now I’d like to be able to enjoy you.”
The words flew through my body and made my stomach flip in the best way possible.
“I don’t know.” This new happy but tired Aidan was appealing, but my heart was at risk again and I wasn’t sure I was ready to hand it over.
“Let me take you out on a date, Chelsea. I want to pick you up and bring you flowers. I want to go out and not care about the looks I get from everyone, pitying the dad who lost his kid. I want you to watch football with me and pretend you enjoy it because you know Derrick and I used to do it together. I want to be able to talk to you about him, have you laugh with me as I remember him.”
“But I like football,” I blurted, lost in all the things he wanted to do with me. He laughed softly as tears began stream down my face. His thumb glided across my cheek, wiping them away.
“Even better, then.” He leaned forward, brushed his warm lips against my wet skin. “I’m a wreck, and this will always hurt…the hole that Derrick has left…But I have wanted to be with you since I saw you two years ago at Derrick’s middle school registration, and this time, I want to do it the right way. Let me court you.”
A snicker fell from my lips and I couldn’t help but smile. “Court?”
