Page 116 of His to Cherish
I breathed in the scent of him and my shoulders relaxed. “Sometimes it hits out of nowhere, and sometimes I don’t think about it at all.”
“I can imagine.”
And he could—in a way worse than I’d ever have to experience.
“Now come sit,” he said, almost commanding. I couldn’t help the grin that pulled at the corners of my mouth.
“My goodness,” I exhaled as soon as we stepped out onto the balcony. My feet immediately moved to the edge, where my fingers curled over the black iron railing. “So beautiful out here.”
Aidan’s body came up behind me, warming my back when he leaned against me. His hands gripped the banister on the outside of mine.
“I’m blown away by how gorgeous this house is.” My voice was a whisper, in awe of my surroundings. Not only of the house and the neighborhood that Aidan was creating, but of the gorgeous backyard in front of me.
It rolled and dipped gently until the lawn met a line of trees in the distance. Through the trees that were beginning to bloom, I could see a creek. Birds chirped, and I closed my eyes, imagining that the crews weren’t slamming away in the background and that I could hear the water flowing in the distance, the gentle, lulling sound of water as it moved over rocks.
“I knew you’d like it, but I didn’t think it would affect you like this.” His voice was equally quiet as mine, and we spoke in hushed whispers, as if afraid we’d interrupt the magnificent view of nature in front of us.
“I always wanted a house like this,” I admitted. “Not the inside, and not as grand maybe as this place is, but I always wanted land like this. A place where you had natural privacy, the space for gardens, and the space to justbe.”
“Yeah?” His lips were by my ear and I shivered from the intensity of my thoughts and Aidan’s warm breath as it flowed over my skin while he trailed his lips from my ear to my jaw, stopping at my throat.
My grip tightened around the railing.
“Cory wouldn’t give that to me. Said he wanted to live in town, so I had to make do with the yard I had.”
“I think we’ve already discussed my feelings about your ex.”
I nodded. “I know. But sometimes I wonder if I would have seen him for the man he was, if I would have been able to have my dream.”
A family.If I would have tried with another man, would he have become just as frustrated with me as Cory had? The fertility treatments sometimes left me feeling insane, the constant tracking my cycles, the hormones, and doctor’s appointments, the crazy fluctuations of weight and moods, only to have every month end with me collapsing into a ball of tears in the bathroom.
But was it possible to find someone who would put up with all of that? If a baby with me was just as important to him as it was to me?
And yet, with all that Aidan had lost, there was no way he’d want to go through that again.
A lump lodged in my throat as the cold realization washed over me.
I tensed, my arms straightening, and Aidan noticed.
He pulled away, his hands falling from the rail, and he shifted until he was leaning against it, next to me.
“Talk to me,” he said with that quiet voice that always sent my mind straight to the gutter he’d accused me of being in earlier.
“I just…I wanted a family. Always. It’s the one thing I’ve always wanted, and I don’t think I’ll ever have it.”
Not if I stayed with him. I couldn’t imagine he’d want another child after losing Derrick, and I wasn’t getting younger. Late twenties was prime baby-making time, but with my medical history, it could take years, putting me in the high-risk age range. And by then, Aidan could be nearing his forties.
It was too much to ask, too early to even think about for us, and as the fears began swirling inside me like a funnel cloud out of nowhere, I had to look away from him.
“Kids?” Aidan asked, his arms now crossed over his chest. I could feel his eyes on me, studying me, and watching me completely freak out even though I remained silent.
“When I was a girl, anytime anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said a mom. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted.”
“Are you sure you can’t? Or are there options left to try?”
God. My throat burned. Did he even get it?
I sniffed, unable to fight back the tears any longer. How did a simple trip to see Aidan at work turn into this?
