“Tell me where it all went wrong, Nash. I need to know because if I can’t figure it out, this entire dream of mine is going to go up in smoke.”
Now that’s not a rhetorical question, but I still don’t rush to answer. I don’t know how to answer him. From what I can tell, this dream of his got corrupted the second he let Nadine have a say in anything. The problem is how do I say that and not immediately get sentenced to the box for disrespecting one of the most important people in the group?
After what seems like forever with him staring at me and me staring at him, I open my mouth and slowly convey that idea as carefully as I can. “Maybe the focus should be solely on you instead of including others in leading all of us?”
I watch his eyes get big and immediately add, “It’s just that in many organizations, diffused power can lead to confusion among the people below.”
Christ, that sounds like bullshit meant to keep me out of trouble. I guess I could say I heard that somewhere, but the less Micah and everyone here know about my past, the better. I’d prefer them to think of me as merely muscle and nothing else.
Slowly, his eyes return to their normal size, and he nods his head. “That’s an interesting point, Nash. I think you might be onto something there.”
I begin to say it was just something that popped into my head, but before I can get even half of that sentence out, Nadine storms in through the door, slamming it behind her. As usual, she glares at me before fixing her focus on the person she came to see.
“Micah, we have a problem.”
For the second time in the last few minutes, I wish I was somewhere else. I set my gaze on the floor and wait for him to order me to leave so they can speak in private, but instead, he begins to pace again.
“I don’t want to hear anything more about problems today,” he says as he passes me.
“Well, this is a big problem. Actually, we have two problems.”
I watch his bare feet walk in my direction again, and then he stops dead right next to me. “Didn’t you just hear me, Nadine? I said I don’t want to hear anything more about problems today. What about that didn’t register in your damn brain?”
A man my size rarely feels uncomfortable when people around them are about to argue. I’m big enough to hold my own with most, including both Micah and Nadine, but I swear I feel like I’m going to vomit from how nervous these two are making me right now. The tension in this room grows by the second, and I have the sense that if I look up, I’ll see nothing but rage coming from both of them.
“Micah, do I have to remind you how much I have invested in this dream of yours? I wouldn’t be here to tell you about an issue if I didn’t think it was important to the integrity of The Golden Light.”
The edge in Nadine’s voice is unmistakable. I stare at Micah’s feet and try to distract myself until he tells me to leave. That’s got to happen soon because he’s never before allowed me to stay for one of his meetings with her. She’s the second most important person in the group, and I’m no one.
Seconds tick by without him saying a word to her or me, and I begin to wonder if he’s motioned for me to leave and I didn’t see it because I’m staring at the floor and his damn feet. As much as I don’t want to look up, I don’t have a choice now, so I slowly lift my head and it’s worse than I expected.
I’ve never seen Micah so angry with Nadine, and she looks like she wants to slap him across the face. Since I’m never privy to their private meetings, I haven’t experienced the two of them like this before. Maybe this is normal, but I have to work to keep the shock from filling my expression.
He turns to look at me for a long moment before saying to her, “Nash and I were just discussing management of the group. Perhaps I should remind you that I’m the leader of The Golden Light. Not you. Not those four men you keep yourself surrounded by nearly every minute of the day. No, me. People believe in what I say because I am the one who’s important here. Remember that, Nadine.”
The air around the three of us practically crackles with emotion. I don’t return my gaze to the floor and his feet, instead looking at the far wall as I hope they forget I’m here.
Not that he’s made that remotely possible since he chose to include me in his speech dressing her down.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Nadine shaking from anger, and when she begins talking, I’m sure I’ll pay for the mistake of not quickly excusing myself when she walked in. “You and Nash? Is he suddenly the person who’s footed the bill for this group or the farm where we stand?”
As I stare straight ahead, Micah snaps, “Money is not what The Golden Light has ever been about! Money is merely a means to an end, Nadine. Real happiness is more than dollars and cents. I thought you knew that. Perhaps you should go meditate and see if you can remember what brought you to me.”
And then things unravel even worse.
“I’ll tell you what, Micah. I’ll go meditate, and you and Nash can handle the fact that the new recruit you enjoyed last night died when she was returned to her bed, and now we have another one who’s making waves. Do you want to be the one who has to deal with these everyday problems? If so, I’ll be happy to spend my time meditating day and night, and you can decide who lives and who doesn’t to protect what we have here.”
I can’t stop myself from looking over at her when I hear yet another person has died. Even worse, it’s a new recruit. Older members are easier to control. They’ve bought into what Micah is offering with The Golden Light. They believe every word that comes out of his mouth is touched by the divine. He’s their leader, but even more, he’s their god.
New recruits still have ties to their old lives, and they have people who will be wondering where they’ve disappeared to. This new death hard on the heels of Maren’s passing spells trouble, as does the other woman who’s new and causing problems.
The last thing I want to do is be involved in how to handle this new development, but I’m stuck here until Micah tells me I can go.
“That’s three this month!” he bellows as he begins to pace again. “What is happening that we have people dying, Nadine? What did the girl have to eat last night? She wasn’t in the box, so it must have been something else.”
“The same as everyone else. Chantel’s cookies and the pink lemonade for a snack a little while after the new recruits arrived, and then dinner like everyone else here. She got no more than anyone else. I don’t know what happened, but we need to decide what to do with her now. Bury her in the same place as Maren and that other girl? Go somewhere else on the property and start using land there? And then we need to figure out what to do with the other problem. It would be better if she were dead, but considering that would be four in a month and another new recruit, we might want to deal with her another way.”
Micah sits down on the floor and pulls his knees up to his chest, burying his head in his legs. “I never wanted anyone to die. Never. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
