Barely able to contain my emotions, I swallow hard to keep myself from crying, but Nadine doesn’t miss a beat and says, “Regardless, you need to go to the mess hall for breakfast.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Mary, Cheyenne, and Bethany watching our conversation and can’t figure out why they aren’t telling Nadine the same thing I am. We may not have all been best friends, but Anna died in the room we all slept in and all Mary can do is cry while the other two remain silent. I get that how people handle death is a personal thing, but for God’s sake, at least back me up and tell this hard-hearted monster glaring at me right now that I’m not wrong for not wanting to eat at this moment.
None of them makes a sound, and all I want to do is scream. Maybe it’s because I’m worried about my sister. Or maybe it’s because I’m a goddamned human being and not some robot or some scared girl afraid to tell Nadine I won’t act like nothing happened just to make her happy.
When I don’t move to leave, she grabs a hold of my left arm and sinks her fingertips into the flesh around my bicep. She’s surprisingly rough, and instantly, I’m afraid of her.
“Let go of me! I’m not going to your mess hall to sit down and act like nothing just happened. Anna’s dead! Do you think we can have a few damn minutes to process that, or is that not allowed in your shiny, happy people group here? This place is supposed to be about getting all you want out of life. Well, what I want now is a few minutes to mourn a girl I met yesterday who died right next to me!”
Rage flashes in her dark eyes, and when I try to get away, she tightens her hold on my arm. My emotions get the best of me, unraveling because of all that’s happened this morning, and I can’t stop myself from bursting into tears. I’m not a crier, but the pain of her hand squeezing against my skin and how badly I feel about Anna dying right there in the bed next to mine combines to make it impossible to not fall apart.
Nadine seems more annoyed by my emotional breakdown than anything else and yanks me away from my bed, pulling me through the cabin and past the other women who stare at us in horror as we pass. She snaps at them to go eat breakfast before continuing on her way with me in tow behind her like an unruly child being dragged to the principal’s office for misbehaving.
When we step outside, the sun feels like a shock to my system. I knew it was daytime, but for some reason I didn’t expect it to be so bright out considering what I just went through seeing Anna dead. It feels wrong for the sun to be shining so brightly with her no longer able to bask in its rays.
I repeatedly try to escape Nadine’s hold, but her hand holds me like a vice grip. People see us and walk by without even a raised eyebrow at the sight of her forcibly taking me wherever we’re going. I try to make eye contact with every single woman who passes us, but none seem bothered enough to even do that for me. They just look straight ahead and give me a hint of a smile, as if anything is worth being happy about.
Is this how people are routinely treated in The Golden Light group? What the hell kind of place is this? How is everyone okay with a seeing a woman pulled across the center of this farm?
As much as I think that, I know the answer already. It didn’t take me long yesterday to figure out Nadine is one scary person. Her reaction to poor Kinley’s mistake proved that. No wonder not a single soul seeing this wants to do anything to help me.
With each step, I grow more fearful about where she’s taking me, but I can’t escape the feeling I’ve screwed up so badly I’ll never be able to look for Rina. I want to feel regret for what I did back at the cabin, but I couldn’t just see someone dead and then go gobble up a plate of pancakes with syrup and a side of bacon. I may not have known much about Anna, including where she was from or even her last name, but she was a fellow human being who deserved at least to have us take a few minutes to mourn her.
“You’re hurting my arm,” I cry out, hoping someone nearby will hear me and help.
Nadine looks back and glares at me again. “You need to learn how to behave.”
A dozen smart ass remarks pop into my head, but I stop myself from saying any of them. Normally, I’d tell someone like her off. Then again, normally, someone like her wouldn’t have grabbed me hard and practically dragged me anywhere.
This place clearly isn’t what I’m used to, so in the hopes that I’ll be able to get past what’s happening right now and stick around this place long enough to search for Rina, I keep my mouth shut. If I can somehow fly under Nadine’s radar after this, I might just be able to accomplish what I came here to do.
A large, white building far past the others on the farm stands in front of us, and I sense it’s somewhere I probably don’t want to see. Not that I have a choice. Her grip as tight as ever, she continues to lead me where she intends for me to go, never looking back at me other than that one time to inform me that I need to learn how to behave.
Who says that to a grown adult woman? I bet she’s done this exact same thing to little Kinley at least once. That’s probably why she was so terrified when she dropped the tray of cookies. Poor kid.
The door to the white building opens, and out come the four huge guys who came to get Anna’s body a few minutes ago. Then they wore blank expressions, but now they stare at me with nothing less than pure rage in their eyes.
I begin to literally drag my feet in the dirt, digging my heels in to stop what seems to be inevitable. I know if those men get their hands on me, something terrible will happen.
“No! I don’t want to go in there with any of you!” I scream.
Nadine spins around and flashes me a look of anger that makes me recoil in horror. She raises her hand as if to hit me, but before she can do anything, one of those guys grabs me and throws me over his shoulder like a fifty pound bag of flour.
I kick and scream, but it’s no use. The last thing I see before another one of the men closes the door is Nadine sadistically grinning.
10
Nash
For fifteen minutes,Micah has paced back and forth across the room ranting about how disappointed he is in the membership of The Golden Light. He hasn’t said anything about what Adam did to Maren, but I’m guessing that’s what brought this on. I never understood why he favored her so much considering she had pretty commonplace looks and an average body. In fact, nothing about her stood out to me as anyone he’d like, especially since I’ve noticed he tends to go for blond women with big breasts and Maren had mousy brown hair and practically nothing on top.
“How the fuck am I supposed to lead these people with all of this bullshit happening around me?” he barks at the wall before spinning on his heel and marching back toward the other side of the room.
I take this as a rhetorical question because I know for sure he can’t be expecting me to answer him. Even if he did, I wouldn’t know what to say. I try not to get too close to anyone here because I’ve seen what happens when members turn to one another for company.
Maren and her little friend were a prime example, and look how that turned out.
He stops in front of me and folds his arms across his bare chest. I don’t look away when his green eyes feel like they’re seeing right through me, but I’d rather be anywhere else at this moment than right here with him.
