What Flynn had created was even more beautiful than I’d imagined. With us both being passionate about old properties, our challenge had always been to create something that didn’t feel overtly modern. The use of wood and curves rather than metal and straight lines delivered a warm and cosy feel while floor-to-ceiling windows invited the outdoors in.
Flynn didn’t say much as we moved around the rooms, letting the design speak for itself. I spotted various changes to our original design. Some were unfamiliar additions and others had been ideas I’d put forward which we’d ruled out due to cost. On the walls was a combination of artwork we’d chosen together for The Bothy and beautiful pieces Flynn must have sourced since, all of which were 100 per cent to our joint taste.
Even though Flynn wasn’t a reader himself, he’d included a snug – the one room I’d been the most excited about – with a log burner, cosy armchairs and a window seat. Floor-to-ceiling shelves were filled with books, ornaments and family photos.
‘I love this room,’ I whispered.
When Flynn didn’t respond, I wondered whether he’d even heard me. As I peered closer at the photos, tears pooled in my eyes once more. I’d assumed they’d just be photos of Flynn with Noah but I was in so many of them too.
‘Willowdale Hall!’ I exclaimed, spying a Lego replica on one of the shelves.
‘It’s not as good as yours.’
‘It’s brilliant. I can’t believe you made this.’
‘The room felt empty without it.’
There were so many memories in this one room and, although it drew tears, they were happy ones.
Flynn led me upstairs and into the bathroom and spare bedrooms before opening the door to the master suite. I was immediately drawn to the doors at the back of the room opening out onto a large balcony with views over the back garden and the woods beyond.
‘That’s an incredible view to kickstart the day,’ I said, crouching down by the bed to see what the view would be on waking up. I grabbed the bedside cabinet to steady me as I rose. My fingers brushed against something soft and I turned to see what it was.
‘Edgar,’ I whispered, my heart pounding as I picked up the plush elephant. ‘You kept him.’
I couldn’t keep the tears at bay any longer. I sank onto the edge of the bed, cuddling Edgar to my chest as I wept. This time, my tears weren’t fuelled by anger or frustration, but by regret at everything I’d missed out on because I’d been too ashamed to admit that I wasn’t coping and needed help, by pushing away everyone who could have given me that help and support, by running away instead of facing my problems no matter how painful that would have been.
‘I didn’t mean to make you cry,’ Flynn said, panic in his tone. ‘Can I get you anything? Tissues? Water?’
I looked up at his kind face, so full of concern.
‘A hug?’ I suggested, knowing that I didn’t really deserve one but wanting his comforting arms around me so badly.
I stood up with Edgar still in my hands, my eyes fixed on Flynn’s, steeling myself for rejection, but he smiled and put his arms out.
Just like it had outside the Lakeside Inn the day we said goodbye to Mum, being held by Flynn felt like home. Every time he came home from work, he’d sought me out and I’d broken away from whatever I was doing to hug and kiss him. He’d found it strange that his parents never reconnected when one of them arrived home from work or shopping or a night out with friends, as though they’d barely noticed each other’s absence and certainly hadn’t missed each other. He’d never wanted us to be like that, never wanted me to doubt how much he missed me when we were apart.
When the tears stopped, I didn’t want to let go of him, but I had to.
‘Sorry about that,’ I said, stepping away and sniffing. ‘I’ve made your T-shirt soggy.’
He looked down at the wet patch. ‘It’ll soon dry. Are you okay?’
‘Yeah. I was determined not to cry today after the cellar episode but I wasn’t expecting this.’
‘After I sent you the postcode, I wondered if it was the right thing to do without warning.’
‘It was. If you’d said you were inviting me to your house, I’d probably have suggested somewhere neutral but I’m glad I’ve seen this. It’s even better than I imagined. I think it might be your best work yet and that was already an incredibly high bar.’
‘That means a lot to me. It’s not quite perfect, but…’ He tailed off and shrugged. ‘You wanted to talk. Should we grab a coffee?’
I wanted to ask what would achieve perfection for him but he was already on his way down the stairs. It looked pretty damn perfect to me, but perhaps the imperfections were noticeable from living in the property – a room which could have been bigger, a window positioned differently, more built-in storage space and so on.
Flynn told me to make myself comfortable in the lounge, checked what I wanted to drink, and headed into the kitchen area. The main living space was open plan with a colour palette of warm woodland tones. I wandered round the room, looking more closely at the items he had on display. I was drawn towards a shelving unit with the most beautifully crafted ark I’d ever seen. Pairs of animals were lined up waiting to board while Noah and his wife waited on board to welcome them. We’d bought our Noah a colourful wooden ark when he was little and he’d loved playing with it. I’d thought the detail on that one had been beautiful but this one of Flynn’s was next level.
‘This is stunning,’ I said as Flynn joined me and handed me a coffee. ‘Where did you find it?’
‘I commissioned it. It isn’t just an ark. I don’t want to make you cry again but there’s no way of cushioning this. You see how Noah’s crook is metal?’
