‘Okay. I hope it goes well today.’
‘Whatever comes our way, we’ll deal with it.’
Dad hugged me and I wished I could have held him for longer because I’d just noticed how shattered he looked too. With Dad being so fit and agile and having a youthful face, it was easy to forget that he was four years older than Mum.
I paused at the bottom of their drive, looking back at the house my parents loved and where I’d had such a happy childhood. When I left Flynn, Mum and Dad insisted I stay with them instead of being on my own in a B&B. Even though I knew it came from a place of love and concern, being constantly asked if I was all right was too stifling. There were photos of Noah everywhere and they lit a scented candle in his memory every night. My logical mind told me that everyone grieved differently and this was their way, but it was too much for me. I was struggling to deal with my own grief and certainly couldn’t support them with theirs. My strongest memories of Derwent Rise were therefore those dark days before I moved to Newcastle. I wished I’d declined their offer to stay. If I had, maybe I’d have come back and visited more often – perhaps even stayed with my parents instead of at Georgia’s – because I wouldn’t have associated Derwent Rise with one of my lowest points.
I hoped beyond hope that Mum’s lump wasn’t cancerous. She already had so much back pain to deal with and I feared she wouldn’t be able to cope with chemotherapy or radiotherapy or whatever course of treatment was needed.
A stiff drink would be very welcome right now but we were still some way off lunchtime. Did pubs even serve alcohol at this time of the day? It wasn’t the answer even if they did, but a strong coffee and a cake at The White Willow might give some much-needed comfort.
It was reasonably busy inside the café. Most customers seemed to be enjoying scones or cakes and a few were tucking into breakfast. A member of staff directed me to a table for two tucked round a corner and ran through the specials. There was a huge selection of tray bakes and sponge cakes behind a glass counter and I was particularly drawn to the white chocolate and raspberry cake.
Eating on my own didn’t bother me but I always felt conspicuous during that period between placing the order and waiting for it to arrive, and reading took that feeling away. It also stopped me from thinking about things I didn’t want to think about. Because I hadn’t expected to come here, I didn’t have a book with me. Eager for a distraction, I looked round at the décor, thinking about whether I’d have done anything different if I’d been refurbishing the café and concluding that I wouldn’t have.
Thankfully service was efficient and my espresso and cake arrived. As I placed the first delicious forkful into my mouth, the door opened and a woman walked in and requested a table for two. A man joined her moments later and I swallowed the cake a little too quickly, grabbing my drink to wash it down before I started coughing and he looked over. Of all the days our paths could have crossed again, why did today have to be the one?
19
I slid lower on my chair, cringing inwardly. Trying to make myself look smaller was hardly going to stop Flynn seeing me if he looked in my direction. That thought didn’t make me straighten back up, though.Please don’t pick a table near me!Fortunately they headed towards a table by the window at the other side of the café.
The woman was wearing a smart pale blue wool coat over jeans and, when she removed her coat, she had a tailored blouse underneath. Very smart. Probably about my age, she was very attractive with a shiny blonde bob and stylish glasses.
Flynn sat down with his back to me, so I was able to relax and sit upright once more. They ordered quickly and were soon deep in conversation. Eating my cake on autopilot, I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Whatever Flynn was saying to her made her laugh a lot. He used to make me laugh a lot too and I missed that so much.
My cake and espresso were long gone and I was ready to leave but doing so would mean walking past his table, so I ordered a hot chocolate and prayed Flynn and his companion would hurry up and leave soon. They didn’t.
Despite watching them for forty minutes, I still couldn’t decide what the relationship was. If they weren’t together, I suspected she wanted them to be. The way she kept smiling at him and tucking her hair behind her ear seemed a bit flirty. Was she Flynn’s type? I knew he preferred brunettes, but a couple of his girlfriends before me had been blonde so that didn’t prove anything. The thought of Flynn having a wife or girlfriend didn’t sit comfortably with me and I knew it was totally unfair of me to feel that way. I’d chosen to end it so I had no right to feel jealous of him being with someone else but, the more I speculated on their relationship, the more nauseous I felt.
Our marriage had ended for a reason. Instead of turning to each other for support after we lost Noah, we turned against each other. Or rather I turned against Flynn. But as I tried to conjure up those dark times in an effort to eradicate the little green monster inside me, all I could recall were happy memories – the night we met in The Hardy Herdwick, our first date after that, when he proposed, our wedding day, when I took a positive pregnancy test, the day Noah was born. We’d had our moments like any couple – mainly bickering over stupid things like me piling my crockery up beside the dishwasher instead of loading it inside, and the way he draped his discarded clothes over a chair in the bedroom instead of putting them in the laundry basket – but we’d never argued over anything major until Noah’s death. That tragedy blew a great big gaping chasm between us which got wider and wider until I couldn’t see there ever being a way of us making it back to the same side.
Flynn leaned back in his chair with his clasped hands at the back of his head – a gesture I recognised from when he was about to announce something, like a big decision or a grand idea or… I gasped and my heart started pounding. He’d done that before he proposed to me. Surely late morning in a café was not the place for a romantic proposal. He put his hands down and I held my breath, waiting for him to get down on one knee or to take her hand across the table or for her to look shocked, but the conversation continued with laughter and nodding on both sides before Flynn gestured for the bill. Not a proposal then. Phew! And I knew I had no right to feel relieved but I couldn’t help it.
My head was aching and I rested my elbows on the table, burying my head in my hands while I took several deep breaths. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Flynn settling the bill then the pair of them left. My shoulders sagged and I sat there for a few minutes waiting for the tension to fully leave my body. By the time I’d paid my bill and zipped up my coat, it felt safe to go outside. Even if they’d paused to finish off a conversation, Flynn and his companion should be long gone. But the moment I stepped outside, a man rose from one of the picnic benches.
‘Hello, Mel,’ Flynn said.
My stomach dropped to the ground and, even though I wanted to run, I couldn’t seem to make my feet move.
‘Aren’t you going to at least acknowledge me?’ he asked, his tone teasing, a gentle smile on his lips.
‘I didn’t think you’d seen me.’
‘I spotted you before we even went inside. I wanted to come over and say hello but I was with a client so it didn’t feel appropriate. Better to wait out here for you.’
I hated the relief flowing through me that his companion was a client and not his wife or girlfriend but, next moment, I glanced down at his hand and he was wearing a wedding band so clearly he was married. That sinking sensation was back.
‘Can we talk, Mel?’
‘Erm, now’s not a good time.’ After what had happened with my parents, it couldn’t be worse.
‘That’s fair enough. You weren’t expecting to see me today. When would be a good time for you?’
‘I’m not sure. There’s some stuff I’m dealing with at the moment.’
‘Anything I can help with?’ He sighed and shook his head. ‘Sorry. Old habits die hard.’
‘What do you want to talk about?’
