‘Are you sure?’
He nodded solemnly and I sank gratefully into the armchair as he sat on the sofa beside Mum.
‘That was quite a speech,’ Mum said. ‘There’s a lot to discuss but we really don’t have the time to do that now. There’s a good reason why your dad didn’t come back to you with a date this week and I can assure you it’s nothing to do with not wanting to see you. Wedowant to spend time with you and, yes, we’re hurt but we’re not clueless or selfish or anything else you might be thinking. We know you wouldn’t have stayed away or cut yourself off unless you needed to and, looking back, we could have done a lot more to help you through your pain at the time, so please don’t think for one minute that you’re the only one who has amends to make. We do too.’
‘So why couldn’t we meet this week?’ I asked when the explanation didn’t seem to be forthcoming.
‘While we were on holiday, I…’ Mum paused and took hold of Dad’s hand, looking at him beseechingly.
‘Your mum found a lump in her breast,’ Dad said, squeezing Mum’s hand.
My stomach lurched and I wrung my hands, fear preventing me from forming any words.
‘The not-very-exciting place we’re going to shortly is the hospital for a scan,’ Dad continued. ‘We didn’t want to say anything to any of you as we don’t want to scare anyone unnecessarily if it’s nothing sinister.’
‘Did your doctor say anything?’ My voice sounded like it was coming from a distance.
‘She could feel the lump but she can’t give any sort of diagnosis just from that, but we’ll know soon enough.’
‘I can’t believe I barged in here and lectured you when you’re dealing with that. I’m so sorry.’
I was furious with myself for letting the fiery side of me take over. Dad had said he’d be in touch and I should have accepted that but I’d let my overactive imagination take over, fuelled by paranoia over the birthday speech and the holiday gift. Even though Georgia had explained the story behind the gifts, and she and Regan had separately said that the speech would not have been intentional, both incidents had obviously been niggling at me.
‘I’ll let you get ready for the hospital,’ I said, rising from the chair. ‘Any chance we can pretend I was never here, you never heard my pathetic little rant, and we can start over again when you’re ready?’
Mum gave me a weak smile and it struck me how pale she was. Her eyes were watery with dark circles below them. She didn’t look at all well.
‘The rant, as you call it, won’t be forgotten,’ she said, ‘because I think you needed to say it and we needed to hear it. As I said, there’s a lot to discuss but there’s one thing I need to pick up on now and then we have to get going.’
She glanced at Dad and he nodded.
‘I can’t apologise enough for not naming you in my birthday speech. It was my intention to mention you all and I hadn’t realised I’d missed you out until your dad pointed it out afterwards.’
‘We figured that if you’d noticed, you’d have said something to Georgia,’ Dad said, ‘and she’d have mentioned it to us, but nothing was said so we assumed – hoped – you hadn’t realised.’
I didn’t know what to say. It seemed so unimportant now when Mum could have breast cancer.
‘I’d better let you get ready,’ I said. ‘I’m so sorry you’ve found a lump, Mum. You will let me know what they say at the hospital?’
‘We will. And can you not say anything to Georgia in the meantime? We’ll tell her, but we’d rather do that face to face if it’s bad news.’
I nearly said,I’m sure it won’t be, but it would be such a throwaway comment when none of us could be sure of anything.
‘I hope it’s positive news.’
‘So do we.’ Mum beckoned me over. ‘I could use a hug.’
Dad stood up so that I could take his place to hug Mum. If twisting round caused her any pain, she didn’t show it and I was grateful for the tightness of her hold.
‘We’ll let you know what they say at the hospital,’ Dad said as he walked me to the door. ‘But it might not be immediately. Good or bad, we’ll need time to take it in.’
‘Whenever you’re ready. I’m sorry again for barging in today.’
‘And I’m sorry that it looked like I was fobbing you off. I was so focused on your mum that I didn’t pause to think about how you might be feeling.’
‘It’s not important, given Mum’s news.’
‘It is, becauseyou’reimportant and we haven’t made you feel that way recently. Whatever happens today, we’ll definitely have some time together next week.’
