Page 44 of Desperate Haste
Wouldn’t that just be karma playing a funny little joke.
You’re all idiots and I hate you.
But if you must know, yes. She isn’t into labels or relationships just like I’m not. But, I don’t know, something about her makes me want to change that.
Kolbi:
Aww, little Malcolm has a crush
Connie:
I’d never thought I’d live to see the day.
Hank:
I’m happy for you man.
Even though I still want to slug you for showing off your shlong to my wife.
She walked in on ME! You should tell her to announce herself next time.
Hank:
Malcolm, when you’re married to such a strong-headed woman like I am, you can’t tell them anything because they’re going to do what they want to do anyway. You just wait, Ophelia is even more strong headed than Blondie if what I’ve heard is true.
Don’t you worry about me, I’m already starting to wear her down
Kolbi:
Go get her tiger
Connie:
And then there was one.
22
OPHELIA
“Hello, beauty,” my chipper best friend greets me outside the barre studio and leans in for a hug once I reach her. Magnolia and her best friend Margaret are waiting with her, both holding rolled up yoga mats and wearing matching sets. Bailey had called to check on me after I narrowly escaped her barging into my apartment two weeks ago after I’d been sick. Since then, she’d called and texted me multiple times to ask what was going on with Malcolm, but every time she did I skillfully changed the subject to something else. When she invited me to join her and the girls for today’s class, I knew what her true motive was.
“Hi, B. Ladies.” I nod my head towards Magnolia and Margaret who look at me and smile. Pulling away from the hug, we all share a friendly smile before I speak again. “So, how much am I going to die in this class?”
“Oh please, you won’t die,” Bailey starts, flicking her hand at me and chortles. “It’s just barre.” This gets Margaret to laugh loudly on the sidewalk and an uneasy feeling creeps into my stomach.
“Justbarre?” Magnolia huffs with a smile. “Have you ever taken a barre class?”
“I mean, no. But it can’t be worse than what Hank and I do at the gym, right?” Bailey suddenly looks as nervous as I feel. Magnolia and Margaret share a hesitant glance.
“We should go in before it fills up,” Margaret says, stifling a smile and heading for the door.
I’ve never been to Hell before, but I’m convinced that moving my arms and legs in tiny circles until they want to fall off is as close as I’m going to get to experiencing it. For forty-five minutes, the girls and I moved around our mats, holding pink and purple dumbbells that were smaller than my wrist but really felt like they were five hundred pounds. Bailey was next to me on her own mat, cursing under her breath about ‘how can this be so fucking hard, you can squat over a hundred pounds, three pounds should not feel like the end of it all.’When the instructor announced that we were moving into our final stretch, I nearly cried tears of joy.
Stepping out of the studio with our mats in hand, Bailey’s face is flushed and I can feel my hair matted down on my forehead with sweat. The cool December breeze feels like an act of mercy across my brow. While Bailey and I look like we’re ready to keel over, Magnolia and Margaret look like they can do it all over again.
“How does breakfast sound?” Magnolia offers, looking at our group.
“Breakfast sounds great,” Bailey gushes, her eyes going wide as she swipes the back of her hand along her forehead.
