Taking in a sharp gulp of air, Finn’s eyes shimmered and he blotted them with his sleeve. “And you want to work on this? On us?”
Really, what were Ollie’s options? Continue to slowly kill himself alone? When he told Finn about the dream, he left out how terrified he’d been when he woke, that he could hear his soul screaming. Sophie’s words echoed in his head and he wondered how long his heart had before it gave out, the cold reality of his impending death hitting him every once in a while and rocking him to his core. Instead of avoiding tragedy, he’d become one, all because of fear.
He didn’t want to die. And Finn was standing there, physically and metaphorically holding his hand, trying to pull him away from his dread, help him stand on his feet, and eradicate it. No matter how scared he was, he needed to try again, because if there was a sliver of hope that he’d get sixty years of happiness with Finn, or thirty, or even five, it might be worth the risk. Disaster would eventually strike once more, but maybe this time he’d have more than a day to work on his issues so he could become strong enough to withstand the wind and not scatter away.
Or maybe he’d paid his dues. But he’d never know unless he stopped running and got the help he needed.
“Yes.” Looking down at their interlocked fingers, Ollie gave a self-deprecating snort. “Doyouwant to do this? I’m not too much trouble? Too messy? Too broken?”
“Stop it, Ollie, stop it.” Finn lifted his hand, gently kissing the back of it. “I’m here, aren’t I? For me, it’s a no-brainer because it’syou. It’s been you since the moment we met and it will be you in our next life. And the one after that.” He quickly pecked Ollie’s hand again. “And the one after that. You’remysunshine, and you brought a brilliant light into my lonely gray world. Now I can’t go back, I only want to go forward, and see the future with you.”
“Finn…” Ollie swooned at the nickname, which was why he didn’t allow Finn to use it earlier. He intended to say something more, something meaningful, but his stomach cramped, and he bent over, crying out.
“What’s going on?” A large palm rested on his back and Ollie centered on it, trying to breathe. “How can I help?”
“W-Wait.” Eventually, he found some air, and after a minute the cramping subsided. Sweaty and shaky, he uncurled, allowing Finn to guide him as he laid back in the driver’s seat. “Sorry, stuff like this has been happening a lot lately.”
“Sunshine.” Although there weren’t tears in Finn’s eyes, Ollie could hear them in his voice. “Let’s get you better, okay?”
“Yeah,” he breathed out, the word barely there yet stacked with so much importance. Either way, he was going to stop running, but he took control by choosing to do so, hoping against hope that catastrophe stayed away for a little while.
Some of the turmoil left Finn’s face and he smiled tentatively, brushing the back of his knuckles along Ollie’s cheek. “Great. I’ve been doing a lot of research and I’ve found a lovely place where you can get treatment. It’s local, LGBT-friendly, and they have a lot of experience helping men with eating disorders. When you check in they assign you a doctor, a dietician, and a therapist, so you’ll have a whole team of professionals to help you.” Pulling a folded brochure from his pocket, he handed it to Ollie, who stared down at it for a few seconds before the fear kicked in.
“I-I d-don’t know if I can go somewhere. Away from here. C-Can I do what Liam did? Stay with y-you and g-g-go to th-th-” Why couldn’t he get the words out?
“Breathe, Sunshine.” A steadying hand rested on the back of his neck and Finn’s warm eyes held Ollie’s, leading him to safety. Slowly, Ollie’s lungs expanded, finding the air he needed, and his trembling slowed. “Good, good.” Finn brushed his cheek again, this time with fingertips. “I think we both know how serious your condition is. It would be good for you to stay in a facility for a little while and heal, work on your anxiety and your eating.” He nodded toward the brochure, which had fluttered to Ollie’s lap. “This place is very highly rated. One of the therapists you chose works there, and the best part is that it’s so close I can visit every day because you’renotgoing to do this alone.”
Gingerly, Ollie picked up the paper, studying it. Grabbing his phone, he did a few minutes of research, liking the reviews and testimonials he saw on neutral forums. While it wasn’t a hospital, it had medical staff on hand and the main building was surrounded by soothing greenery and soft rolling hills. But when Ollie noticed the cost, fear set in once more, bringing a heavy dose of shame with it. “How am I going to pay for this?”
“Don’t worry about that.” Finn took the phone and brochure away, placing them beside him on the seat. “Financing will be taken care of.Yourjob is to heal. If you don’t feel comfortable with this place, your family probably has a few others in mind. You should talk to them.”
Ollie let out a long mournful sigh, thinking about the last time he saw his parents, the shock on his mother’s face permanently etched in his memory. “I’m too scared to call them after everything.”
“They’re as scared as you are, Sunshine.”
“I guess…” As reality settled in, Ollie realized how much lay ahead and exactly what it meant to heal; he’d been down that road before but it curved differently now. He’d be away fora while. Finn’s top choice had a minimum stay of two months but, in Ollie’s case, it might be longer. His trepidation rose, edging into hysteria. “What about my room? And work? And my followers?” He pointed at the brochure with a shaky finger. “It says cell phone use is limited!” Sure, he’d been posting old photos and things in his drafts but those were running low. He needed to create content or he would start to hemorrhage fans. Funny that he was thinking about those things now, when he hadn’t for the last few weeks, but fear had a weird way of sneaking up on him.
“Your room will be fine.” Finn’s voice stayed low and even. “Mason isn’t going to get rid of it. He cares about you in his own weird way.”
“B-But-”
“And did you know that Liam took a leave of absence from The Pointe?” Suddenly, Ollie’s hands were in Finn’s again. “He eventually decided on school but while he was in rehab John left his job on the table, and he’ll do the same for you. Besides, Owen runs that place and there’s no way you’re getting fired, there’d be a mass walkout.”
“B-But-”
“And finally,” Finn leaned in closer, his sandalwood scent washing over Ollie, calming him a bit. “You need to unplug and work onyou. I know that social media made you come out of your shell but you have underlying issues with appearance, and I believe that Olleelicious is doing you more harm than good. Healing is worth the loss of followers but I have a feeling that a lot of people will stay, and if you decide to come back after working on yourself, they’ll be happy to see you again.”
Ollie’s brain ground to a halt because Finn was right. He’d started his social media accounts to have a bit of fun with hair and makeup, maybe make a few friends, and talk to a couple of creators. But after one of his curl tutorials went viral, the increasing popularity slowly made things less fun. As his audience grew, so did the need for constant creation. Also, while many people adored him, the haters were strangely hurtful, somehow feeding into his dread.
“Okay.” It took him a moment to speak. “Um…you should be a therapist.”
“You know, Owen said that once, but I’m not built for it.” Finn smiled softly. “I think I’ve had enough of the view for today. Why don’t we go back to your place and make some calls?”
At Ollie’s slow nod, Finn pocketed the brochure, gave back the phone, and then snatched the keys from the ignition, putting them in the glove compartment. “Let me take you back in the SUV. Owen and Liam can grab your car later.”
Ollie would have argued but he didn’t have the strength. He’d been running on fumes for so long that it was far too easy to hand Finn the reins.
“Wait here for a second.” Finn got out of the car, retrieving something from the back of his SUV and folding it over his arm.
