Page 53 of Feral Werewolves
“When we got here, it was a lot the same, really,” I said. “Lazarus was here with some other wolves, but he wasn’t in charge. We liked him, and Kestrel didn’t like the others. They tried to make us do things for them. Kestrel refused. It became a thing, like it does when you refuse.”
“Refused to… like…” Her voice dropped. “Like, service them?”
I nodded. “Basically.”
“But it can’t be like that all the time out here,” she said. “Not everyone is out here making everything into Rape, Incorporated.”
“I mean…” I didn’t know what to tell her.
“So, what? Kestrel stood up to them, too?”
I nodded. “Yeah. We fought. Lazarus helped us. It was worse here, honestly. There were more wolves on this farm at the time. We got rid of them, though.” I didn’t like talking about this. When I spoke about it, there was a feeling just at the edge of my consciousness that shied away from it. But the truth was, I didn’tremembera lot about that fight. I’d blocked a lot of it out, I thought. Trauma, or whatever. “There are rules about doing that kind of thing out here. Sort of, I mean. There was a chance that we’d be forced out of the house or disciplined in some other way. Griff was just getting established as the leader at that point, though, and he sided with us. He said we’d won the place fair and square and we got to stay here.”
“This is what you were saying about all-male social groups,” she said quietly.
“It’s got a historical precedent, definitely,” I said. “You put men into situations like this and they tend to organize themselves into hierarchies according to strength or prowess. If there are other elements in play, like inherited wealth, that changes things, but it doesn’t entirely. There’s a thing that men always respect, and it’s a stronger man. I think it’s just… natural.”
“And the rape stuff?”
“It’s, you know, part of it,” I said with a shrug. “People are always saying it, how rape isn’t about sex, it’s about power.”
She nodded, blinking rapidly, thinking that through.
“I mean, they’re only partly right,” I said. “What they should say is that rape is only partly about sex. Because if it weren’t about sex, then it wouldn’t involve, you know, sex. That’s like saying that eating pie isn’t about taste or something.”
“You’re really smart, Paladin,” she said.
That kind of offended me, that she hadn’t noticed that before. I didn’t know what to do with that, though, so I just didn’t say anything.
“Sorry,” she said. “You seem… young, sometimes is all, I guess.”
“Yeah,” I said, squaring my shoulders. “I guess…” I sat down opposite her, in another of the rocking chairs. “Like, I’m not ever going to be like Kestrel, or even Lazarus. They both have it, whatever it is, that thing that most men have, and I don’t.”
“What thing are you talking about?”
“The aggression thing, I guess.” I scratched the back of my neck. “Like, I just don’t even care about any of that shit, and it all seems so stupid and arbitrary. So, you know, I think what I do, and don’t be offended when I say this, is that I tend to sort of embody a stereotypical feminine role and hope to be cherished or, uh, pitied, or what-have-you. It’s strategic. Men like having a thing to protect, and I’m, you know, I can be that for them.”
“You think I’m here to be pitied?” she said.
“No,” I said. “I don’t think women do it on purpose at all. I think they’re annoyed by it more often than not. It diminishes them. Men can’t help it. It’s turned on in us because of nature or whatever. Which organism survives better? The one where the men have a vested interest in protecting their women and their young or the ones where they don’t give a shit? Seems pretty obvious, right?”
The furrow in her brow deepened.
“The thing is, I think you did it to me,” I muttered. “I think you turned it on.”
“What?”
“The aggression thing,” I said. “Protecting you does not seem stupid and arbitrary.”
“Look, I want to protect you, too,” she said to me. “And Kestrel and Lazarus. It’s not some male thing, the desire to protect—”
“I know,” I said, raising my hands. “I know, I didn’t mean to offend you. I can see why I did. It’s not… look, I’m living and breathing proof that nature doesn’t exactly make carbon copies. There’s a theme, and then all the organisms are variations on the theme. So, whatever you want to say about stereotypes according to gender, or whatever you want to say about biology, no one fits the biological mold perfectly, and even if you do, say what you like about biology, you can fight it. If you’re hungry, you don’thaveto eat. If you feel like you need to go to the bathroom, youcanhold it. You have choices—”
“Whatever,” she muttered. “That’s exactly what I don’t have.”
“Thinking like that is when you get in trouble, though,” I said, reaching out to touch her again. “Like what you were saying about incels.”
She tilted her head to one side. “What do you mean?”
