Page 58 of Where He Ended
She breathes wildly, still talking. “I warned you about Dominic because I know what he is, and if you would just listen and accept it—”
“You're wrong!”
“I'm not wrong, he's a killer, Laiken! A killer! Bernard isdead!”she screams, the sound echoing through the forest. Birds screech as they fly away, startled by the noise.
I move my arms, trying to decide what to say. The sequin glints in the light—she fixates on it like it's a grenade ready to go off. I see her looking. I know it's her target. “Wait,” I begin, trying to put it in my pocket. Her arm slices out and catches my wrist.
The gold sparkles as it falls in the river.
“No!” I gasp, my mouth hanging open.
“You're impossible!” She curls her fists in the front of my coat. “What else are you hanging on to, huh? What else of his is in your pockets?”
“Nothing!” I grunt, going off balance as my sister yanks at my arms. With a twist of her body she throws us into the mud. The wind explodes out of me; I'm dazed as she begins emptying my pockets. Wyatt's envelope is thrown in the dirt, as is a small, square piece of stiff paper.
The mud suctions around my body. I grab her wrists, trying to push her off of me, but she's stronger. “Stop this,” I manage, still struggling for air. “You can't make me forget him.”
“You shouldwant to!”she wails, sitting up. Her face is a wall of rage. “He killed him. He killed him. He killed him!” Kara's voice rises until my ears ring. “Dominic killed Bernard. How could he do that? How could he take him away from me?”
In the face of her explosive anguish, I go limp. She's breathing fast, her breath steaming around us both. Short hair sticks to her face in places, the disheveled mess adding to her mania.
All the things she's said to me come rushing back.
Bernard and her had spent so much time together in his home. Her time there was good. He'd taught her how to drive. She'd told him about our promise.
Kara trembles, closing her eyes as tears stream down her cheeks. “I loved him so much. He was the only person who took the time to get to know me. Every time he came home during school breaks we would have so much fun together . . . all three of us. Bernard, me, and even Dominic. I couldn't picture us being anything but good friends until . . . until our first kiss. Then I couldn't picture us as anything but destined to be together. I fell in love with Bernard so easily I barely noticed it.” Her eyes darken. “And then Dominic betrayed us both.”
The weight of her words crushes me more than her body. “Kara, no. Oh, no.”
“Maybe this is how I'll make you understand. If you know how much I loved Bernard, how much it hurt when he was taken from me, then will you listen when I say that Dominic is a viscous monster. He took him away from me. I can never forgive him for that.”
It's not my place to break Dominic's promise to Bernard, I know it, but it's the one shot I have at making her understand. I'm going to see Kara every day if we make our home here. There can be no secrets between us. And I can't spend another moment with her believing lies about the man I care so much about. “He didn't do it, Kara.”
“He was the only one there with him! Who else could have pushed Bernard off the mountain?”
“No one pushed him,” I say, struggling to get the words out; they keep cracking apart in my mouth. “Bernard killed himself.”
“He wouldn't,” she says, staring at me in confusion. Her uneasiness shifts into accusation. “So that's how it is, you're willing to make up a cover story for Dominic.”
“Please, listen. Bernard knew what he was doing when they went on that trip. He didn't want to live anymore. He was hurting so much.” Looking into my sister's eyes as I deliver this information is cruel, for me and for her. “But he didn't want anyone to know that he committed suicide, he was afraid about how it would make them feel.”
How it would make HER feel, I realize now.
Her expression pinches together. “No,” she says under her breath. “If he was suicidal, I would've known.”
“No one knew,” I say, trying to sit up.
She doesn't budge. “He would tell me. I would have seen the signs. He loved me, and that . . .”
“That'swhyhe kept it from you.” My vision is getting blurry, my head heavy. “He must have known it would hurt you, if you thought he didn't want to live anymore.”
Kara has stopped blinking. “Then this is my fault. Isn't it? If I was more aware . . . I . . . I could have seen the signs, I could have done something, stopped him, just . . .”
I push upwards, and this time, she slides off of me like she's a weightless human shell. We both kneel in the mud. “It wasn't anyone's fault,” I say gently. “Especially not yours.”
My sister doesn't respond. She just stares at the ground.
Putting my hand on her shoulder, I will myself not to cry. Not yet. I have to be strong. “Dominic blames himself for not being able to stop Bernard, too. He believes that it's his responsibility that he's dead. The guilt that he owns is massive. He doesn't need people like you or me telling him that he's responsible because he already thinks it. But he didn't push Bernard off that cliff. He didn't, and you have to believe me.”
