Page 57 of Where He Ended
“I couldn't let him touch you.”
“You could have.” I track my eyes over his eyebrows, his chin, and his hands where they rest on the steering wheel. “A monster would have.”
But he's not a monster. I know he isn't. My heart is almost full enough to believe this with certainty, but it's his actions that make it fact.
Leaning forward, I kiss him with the same wild energy still curling through my blood. I search for his tongue, and when I find it, feel it dance across my own, I know he's not going to resist. I'm his, but he's also mine.
“ . . . and more wood and water. Laiken?”
“Huh?” My head snaps up—I didn't notice she was talking to me. She blinks at me over the top of the car. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“Before we settle in we'll need wood and water, to start with. It's going to be cold here tonight, looks like a window is broken, too.”
“There's some fresh wood by the fireplace,” I say, dropping my hand to my side with the sequin in it. I stick it in my pocket, hoping she can't see. I don't know why I'm hiding it, maybe because it's a flicker of my relationship with Dominic. I know how she feels about him. “Pipes are messed up. I'll go get us a bucket of water so we don't go through the bottles we bought just by cleaning some floors.”
Kara’s eyebrows remain creased. “Okay. Sounds good.” As she heads into the house, I walk towards the small shed, snatching a relatively rust-free bucket out of it. When I was here the other day, I was doing exactly what Kara is now—creating a to do list in my head.
She's imagining all the ways to make this place a perfect home.
I want to feel the same way she does. I thought I would as we drove.
But, now that I'm here . . .
I don't.
Walking towards the bridge, my heart starts to race. I see the hilt of Dad's knife where I left it. I remember how I fell in the river trying to get the damn thing. This part of the world is supposed to be all about my family, my past. But my present keeps swimming up into the front of my mind.
Dominic is a constant memory. I can't shake him.
He's all over this forest, now. In the air we shared, in the dirt we impacted with our feet, and when I approach the fresh water spring, I remember that we shared this, too. He'd knelt right here on the ground, cupping his hands and drinking.
I picture his sparkling eyes when the icy water moved down his throat. Kneeling on the dirt, I put the bucket down beside me. My reflection in the brook wobbles and contorts. It's exactly how the rest of my insides feel.
Gripping my shirt, I breathe deep.Quit thinking about him.It's a pointless plea.If I want to give him up, I have to try harder.I can't hang onto everything that reminds me of him. Maybe I can't remove him from the air or the water, but . . .
Reaching into my pocket, I lift out the gold sequin. His face flashes through my memory—how stunned he was as he saw me tear the dress from my skin. He'd been impressed by my strength. He'd kissed me and made my world bright again.
Pressing the round bit of gold between my thumb and forefinger, I hold it to the muted sunlight. It glints like a lone star in the sky. If I can't even throw this away, what hope do I have of ever letting Dominic leak from my soul?
“Laiken,” Kara asks. “Did you get the water yet? I saw all the mud inside, I really want to get cleaning and . . . what are you doing?”
I spin around, stunned to see her behind me.
Her attention moves to my fingers. I don't react fast enough to hide the gold sequin. Her eyes narrow in a way that tells me she knows exactly what I'm holding. I don't have the time to wonder how. “Even here, miles and miles and miles away from him, you still can't let go,” she whispers angrily.
“It's not that easy.” I clutch my hand around the sequin. “I love him, Kara.”
“I don't want to hear that!”
“Why does it matter if I say it out loud? It's not like he's here, right?” It kills me to say that last part.
Kara slides her foot on the damp ground, advancing a step. “Let go of him, Laiken. It's better if you just forget him as fast as possible.”
“There you go again, trying and tell me what's best.”
“It's more than talk! Have you taken a second to think about all the things I've done? You're so caught up in how he makes youfeel,”she says mockingly. “But I've suffered to keep you safe. I wanted so badly to talk to you, be close to you, when I arrived on the estate but I knew Icouldn't!I hid in secret, keeping an eye on you to make sure nothing happened to you!”
My hunch was right. She’d been spying on me on the estate. It was how she knew to send Dominic after me at Franklin's.
