Page 99 of Standing In The Sun
When Lunar called her, she was already halfway to Jade City to see Qamar’s other daughter, Belinay. With school starting in the next few days, she wanted to spend some time with her grandbaby and take her to do a little shopping before she and Griff disappeared to the family’s private island for their post-summer reset. But soon as she heard the crack in Lunar’s voice— just that subtle shift, that pain he tried to bury under deep sighs and short sentences— she turned her damn car around and headed straight to the house.
Now, the house was quiet except for Kamari making car sounds while crawling and trying to walk in mismatched socks and half-frizzy braids. Belinay had her phone out, recording him as he did his little two-step and drop over and over, grinning like he owned the world.
“He’s so cute,” she said, smoothing a hand over his wild curls. “But who did these mis-matched braids? It look like two different people gave up halfway through.”
Stephanie laughed from the stove. “Girl, don’t let Little Lunar hear you talkin’ about his boy’s hair. His little ass don’t let nobody comb it but Lunar. Like it’s a sacred act or something.”
Belinay smiled, still watching Kamari, who was now wobbling toward the living room.
Smack.
Kamari slapped his mama right in the face, and Belinay doubled over laughing.
Ahvi groaned, eyes fluttering open. Her head throbbed like she’d been crying in her sleep again. “Mari…” she mumbled. “Why you so damn rough?”
Kamari stared at her like she was interrupting his day.
She sat up, rubbing her face, looking around the room like she forgot where she was. Her chest felt heavy -too full, like grief and hope were battling for room.
Stephanie came in from the kitchen with a bowl in hand. “You eat today?”
Ahvi shook her head slowly. “Not really hungry.”
She’d been replaying everything on a constant loop, willing herself to just give Lunar the chance he truly deserved. She’d spent her nights talking to God or Ish, just asking how she reprogrammed herself to not be so afraid of allowing Lunar to take the reins. There was a willful battle of heart and mind going on inside of her. So, no she didn’t have an appetite.
“That ain’t what I asked.” Stephanie placed the bowl on the coffee table and sat down across from her.
Ahvi sighed, her eyes already glassy. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Miss Stephanie. I feel like I keep trying to be something for everybody. The right woman for Lunar, a good mama to Kamari - he deserves everything, but… I don’t even know what I’m giving him sometimes.”
Stephanie watched her closely, letting her unravel without judgment. Then she leaned back with that kind of ease only a woman who’d seen some shit could carry.
“You know,” she started, “I used to be real hard on myself about my kids - still am some days. I messed up more than I like to admit. That’s probably why I don’t come down too heavy on Sheena. Don’t mean I agree with everything she did—but I get it. Sometimes life don’t give us the tools to love in the ways we need to and sometimes we pass all that or those bad coping skills down to our kids.”
Ahvi didn’t say anything, just looked at her like she was listening with her whole body.
Stephanie continued, “Sometimes mamas with sons…they be hardest on the girlfriends. Not ’cause they don’t like ‘em, but because they did such a good job raising their boys, they expect them to choose a woman that reflects that same strength…that same love. And when he does? When he picks a girl thatdoesremind her of herself…it’s like she don’t know how to handle it.”
Stephanie knew all the issues rolling around Ahvi’s head. Everyone was in there yelling—Ish, Sheena, hell even Tiny—and they wasn’t allowing her to just think or feel. Staphanie knew Ahvi felt it was safer for her to just walk away from Lunar, especially when it seemed like everything was stacked against them. Most of it her own doing but still, everything in her head played a part in her rash decision making.
“Tiny is his Mama and I don’t care if she likes me or not but I know if I want Lunar, I gotta want Tiny too. I don’t understand what her issue is with me meanwhile she loves Kamari… it’s just so much that I let linger inside of me instead of address shit head on like I know how to do. Lunar came into my life and shook shit up, Miss Stephanie… I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
Ahvi didn’t care what people thought of her or how they felt, but she’d be lying if Stephanie bringing up Tiny didn’t hit a nerve. Tiny was in her head… a part of her decision making right along with Ish, Sheena, and Big Lunar. But Kamari was the most important voice in all of it and she still didn’t know if leaving Lunar was for the best or if she was just scared. “I didn’t do anything to her though. What’s her issue with me?”
Stephanie leaned forward. “’Cause now she’s lookin’ in the mirror, and no matter how high she holds her head or how proud she stands, there’s a part of her that still don’t feel worthy of the kind of love her son gives so freely. Crazy, right?”
Ahvi nodded and swallowed hard. Her throat burned.
“But don’t stress about Tiny. If she really loves her son the way she say she do…” Stephanie reached over and squeezed her hand, “she’ll learn to love you too. And don’t be so hard on your people either. They did the best they could with the tools they had.”
Nodding, Ahvi broke then, her tears slipped down, like she’d been holding her breath too long…like she’d been waiting for someone to tell her it would all be okay. Suddenly she knew she would be okay too.
“You strong, Ahvi,” Stephanie whispered, “stronger than most. You let love in even after all the places you’ve been. That ain’t small. That’s legacy—regardless of how your parents did it, you feel in your heart that it was all in love. That’s what they gave you for you to take and return it tenfold. Now it’s time to create a legacy of love for your own family.” She hugged Ahvi, allowing her to bury her face into her and just cry.
A knock interrupted the moment followed by another.
Before Ahvi could wipe her face or find the energy to stand straight, the front door was pushed open.
“I told y’all not to knock like y’all don’t pay bills in this city,” Luna’s voice came first, warm and joking. “This ain’t no stranger’s house.”
