Page 98 of Standing In The Sun
“Nope.”
Monday sighed.
“You are…”
* * *
Devonte, Pimp, and Monday had cleared out quietly behind Lunar. Kamari was still asleep in the guest room that Butta occupied when she was there, completely untouched by the chaos that had unfolded hours earlier. Ahvi sat on the couch, knees pulled to her chest, a half-empty glass of water sweating on the coffee table. She hadn’t moved since Lunar left.
Butta creeped around the corner.
Her eyes were swollen, her face was bare, and her hair was tied up in a silk scarf. She didn’t look like the kid sister who used to raid Ahvi’s closet or beg for edge control in the mornings when she stayed at Ish’s house with her. She looked like a girl who’d seen too much tonight, a girl who was being asked to grow up too fast.
She sat beside Ahvi without saying anything for a long moment, just gathering her feelings and words. “You really let him leave?”
Ahvi didn’t respond, just took a deep breath willing her tears to stay in. Ain’t no need in crying over spilled milk—Ish taught her that too.
Butta pulled her long legs up under her. “I mean…I thought you’d go after him. I was waiting for you to do it.”
Ahvi exhaled hard through her nose. “It’s not that simple.”
Desperately, Ahvi wished it was. She wished she could reprogram her brain chemistry to just allow that man to place the sun at her feet.
“But it is,” Butta’s eyes tightened in the corners. “You had somebody who saw you - all of you. And you let him go cause…what? You were scared he’d hurt you?” she kissed her teeth.
Ahvi’s eyes welled up again, but she kept them fixed on a single spot on the floor. How had the roles reversed? Butta was her little sister, not the other way around, but somehow Butta was schooling her on life and love.
Butta stared at her. “I didn’t want this baby. You know that. Istill don’t. But when I told Monday, he didn’t run. He didn’t flip out. He said, ‘I got you.’ Just like that and for the first time, I felt like maybe I wouldn’t be alone in it.” She swallowed hard. “But tonight, watching you…watching the way you turned your back on the one person who made you feel safe—I got scared all over again. Not just about the baby, but about becoming like you.”
That made Ahvi flinch. Her eyes bounced from that spot on the floor over to Butta, anger flashing through them ‘cause Butta had some nerve.
Butta’s eyes shimmered, but her voice didn’t crack. “I’ve looked up to you my whole life. You’ve always been the strong one…the one who didn’t need nobody…the one who took care of everything when nobody else would.”
“I had to – I had no choice,” Ahvi whispered.
“Duh, cause Sheena ain’t never been shit,” Butta said quickly. “I know you didn’t get to make choices. I know Mama wasn’t there the way she should’ve been. I know Ish did what he could, but he didn’t know how to raise you to be soft. He only taught you how to survive, not how to live, Ahvi.”
Silence fell between them again, and then Ahvi whispered, “I don’t know how to get out of survival mode.”
Butta reached for her hand.
“I get that, but that man loves you and Kamari, and he believed in you in ways nobody else ever has. That restaurant…” she smiled, “yea I knew about it. That wasn’t a flex. That was a man betting on your dreams. You know how rare that is?”
Ahvi finally let the tears fall, “Butta…I’m scared.”
“I know…me too,” Butta squeezed her hand, “but you gotta stop letting fear do all the talking.”
Ahvi turned to look at her baby sister. Her eyes, still tired, still puffy—but wise beyond her years. “You think he’s really gone?” she asked.
Butta tilted her head. “I don’t know, but I know if you sit here and do nothing, he’s gonna stay gone, and you’ll be here on this couch next year still trying to figure out what the hell happened.”
Ahvi leaned her head on Butta’s shoulder. They sat like that, two girls figuring it all out in the quiet aftermath of what love and life had left behind.
* * *
Days later
“That boy so damn loud,” Stephanie fussed, moving around the kitchen, stirring the pot with one hand while her phone was tucked under her chin.
