Page 77 of Trusting the Fall
I feel his hand wind around me, sliding his fingers through my hair with gentle affection as his other hand caresses my neck. Fingertips dance over my pulse and snake over my shoulder, hovering in one spot for a moment to rub at the skin, as if he’s absorbing the emotions right as they emanate from me, before moving further down my arm, over my ribs. The touch is more of a firm massage once he reaches my waist, and I feel myself rolling against him, aching for a more deliberate touch, a deeper connection.
I wind my legs over his and thrust again. The movement pulls him further into me, making me gasp when I feel the wet tip of his cock hovering right at my entrance.
My eyes fly open to meet his, looking unsure but not afraid. He’s letting me decide. I’ve never been with anyone without a condom.
I was an unplanned baby, and it broke my mother. Her trust in romantic entanglements is entirely the reason I’ve always held back from giving in to love. Never wanting to let my emotions be at the mercy of someone else.
To experience such personal defeat for laying my trust in the wrong person.
I know in my heart that Leif isn’t that kind of person.
My heart’s worth shit with deciding who’s worthy of love and trust. It extends only to Lex and my mother. Not even entirely to my mother.
I know she loves me, and everything she’s done for me has been out of fear that I would be hurt like her. But everything that Lex and Leif have taught me about love tells a different story.
Mum always stood up for me and encouraged me in my pursuits, but she didn’t teach me how to love, how to forgive, and that it’s okay to make mistakes and be vulnerable.
Lex taught me that. So did Leif.
He gave me a safe space to make mistakes and fix them when they didn’t go to plan. He showed up whenever I called. I know he was showing up for sex; it wasn’t exactly a hard offer to deliberate.
But that’s not the way he made it feel. Ever.
How did Lex describe it, the way Caleb made her feel things? Present. When they were together, he was present.
That’s what Leif does.
When he’s here with me, he wants to be; he means to be. Nothing else matters but being present in the moment.
“I’m on the shot,” I whisper into the darkness.
The moon, as it shines through the lace curtains, places an icy glow upon one side of Leif’s handsome face. He stares at me with so much awe that I feel stupid, pesky tears threaten to gather as I take in the other side of his face hidden in the shadows.
I lean over to the bedside lamp, clicking on the switch and filling the room in a deep amber light.
With my back resting against the pillow, I touch my finger along his temple and down his cheek, taking in all his features, now fully visible under the light.
I shuffle further down the bed, under his warm naked body as it weighs me down, letting the head of his cock nudge my clit before my already slick pussy slides down his shaft, coating him in my arousal.
He hisses as I slowly roll my hips, feeling every bare inch of him slide between my pussy.
“Are you sure?” he asks, looking deep into my eyes.
I nod. “I’ve never gone without one before.”
I let the words hang between us. And fuck, I’ve just realised it may not be the same for him.
He’s a nice guy, a passionate lover. He doesn’t give off fuckboy vibes, and he easily could have been in a relationship before that’s reached a level of intimacy where you forgo that barrier.
“Neither have I.”
Oh, god, this is it. He kisses me now, in a way no one has ever kissed me before. He’s sealing my fate. Our fate.
Our lips continue to crash together like unrelenting waves against a shore.
My hands can’t stop their pursuit as they run over the muscles in his back and over his shoulder. I bury fingers in his soft blond hair as our mouths open and tongues lap against each other, consuming the other’s emotions as we freely exchange our hearts.
I feel his knee nudge under one of mine as his hand pulls the other higher and over his hip, flaying me open.
